zitwep Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Hey there, I was hoping I could get some feedback or suggestions on my current dating endeavour:rolleyes:. Prepare yourselves for a lengthy read. I am currently attending college in California as a sophomore and I met this girl that's taking the same major as I am. The first semester I was pretty attracted to her, primarily for her good looks but I didn't start talking to her until the second semester when I made up an excuse that I needed some help for the class. So we started sitting together in lecture but it wasn't much; "Hey, how is it going? Classes good?" that was about it for most of the semester, nothing too complicated and me being a bit of an introvert and shy, I didn't take it much further. This semester she is also in one of my classes and about a month ago, our relationship has begun to pick up. We are beyond the small talk conversations and the last couple of weeks we've been spending a lot of time together working on some project and I have a feeling that our relationship is solidifying into a decent friendly relationship. She is attractive, intelligent and above all, simple. The bad thing; she's got a boyfriend, it's been going on for two years, however he doesn't attend college and lives in her hometown, so essentially they are in a long distance relationship. I've told myself that for now the best thing to do is to become her friend and just wait it out and not be too aggressive in my quest. So the other day, my roommate and I went to see a movie and I asked her if she wanted to tag along, she accepted and she actually came. Didn't come up with a last minute excuse as to why she couldn't, I was pretty impressed because I expected her to come up with one, like most of the girls I've dealt with before. A couple of hours after we got back, I started talking to her on Yahoo, primarily to thank her for giving us a ride. Then she said something about her boyfriend getting annoying and that they were on a "break" (which I don't get if you're in a long distance relationship). She complained a bit that he calls her 24/7. That was about it, I didn't go further into it, as I said I don't want to be too aggressive and I just told her "don't worry about it, I am sure it'll settle out over time" and that was it, didn't tell her "if you need someone to talk, you have my number" or try to find out more, again, I don't want to be too proactive. I thanked her again and logged off. I was somewhat surprised because I always had the impression that they were in a solid relationship and expected, and still do, that it'll last for a while. But now that she told me this, seems like their relationship isn't going too well after all. I am trying to go at this intelligently and slowly, gradually trying to build a solid, friendly relationship. I don't want to look as if I am attracted to her and want to be in a dating relationship, I am trying to act like a guy friend. This is primarily because if I do end up in a relationship with her, yeah right, I don't want to mess it up and make it turn into a two week flick. Essentially I am scared to go into a relationship with her and then mess it up somehow. I am trying to be intelligent about it and not go the traditional way of "hey, you want to go out with me?" because I always have the feeling after I ask that it's like "Ok, now what?". I don't want to turn out black and white where black would be us dating. I want this to go into gray and slowly, gradually get into the black, eventually. Ideally I would like it, if we ever do get into a romantic relationship, to come naturally, over time and based off our growing friendship. I also don't want to proactively try to give her advice that would lead to her breakup with her boyfriend, because if do a wrong step there, I'll probably mess it all up. I am also trying no to talk to her everyday and make her feel "claustrophobic". I've also realized that now, no matter how attractive of a girl I come across, I always think about her and show no interest in that girl and tell myself "she is better" and that she is the one I truly want and would like to be in a long term relationship with her, would be my first one, none of my previous ones lasted more than 6 weeks and I haven't dated since I got to college. I hope this explains it clearly and I am hoping I can get some advice and feedback, thanks a lot, I appreciate it
jayOG Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Life is short. She's holding you back. Either jump on her or move on.
Author zitwep Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Life is short. She's holding you back. Either jump on her or move on. Holding me back from what? Dating someone else?... I don't want to, there is no one else right now but her. I would like to jump on her, but that would pretty surely mess it up for good, patience never killed a man.
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