LapinAmor Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I have found the most wonderful loving person in the whole world! Next summer, we will have been dating for two years and he asked me if I would move in with him. Here in lies the problem. My first reaction is "yes I love you so much and I want to take our relationship to the next level" I have no doubts when it comes to how I feel about him. He is everything i have ever wanted in a life partner. However, I have been quick to jump into relationships before which have failed so I am trying to be more logical about this in hopes that it will be different. You see, other relationships I've had, I usually force them and try to make them work. What scares me about this one is that its actually working on it's own which leads me to believe it could be real and I dont want to ruin it in anyway. I feel that moving in might put stress on us that doesnt need to happen so soon, such as financially, such as usual bills, college etc. Also that we should wait in order to save more money and have that as a cushion for when we do move in together. Also I am very close with my family (We both live with our parents right now) and I am afraid to hurt them or leave them behind. I am also afraid to "grow up" essentially. Im scared of all the unknow about the future. My boyfriend also says that he needs commitment from me. He acknowleges that he shouldnt be putting pressure on me to take such a big step but cant help it becuase he is ready and wants this so bad. I also feel that if i move out i want it to be because i am ready to be on my own. I see moving back home as a failed attempt at starting my own life. I feel as if im being torn in half by my brain and heart. I feel emotionally I want this more than anything but logically I feel like it will probably be too hard. any suggestions or thoughts? ANY are welcome!
Geishawhelk Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 HOw long do you think you should leave it before moving in together? My ex- and I moved in 2 weeks after we met. we were married 22 years. My partner and I moved in together 4 weeks after we met. 4 years down the line, all's fine..... I think you're being over-cautious and letting your fear of what ifs rule your head. if you know this is the guy fo you, I don't see what your issues are. This said, you don't say how old you both are. You mention college, but hey, my Partner is 46 and he's at University, so that doesn't mean anything......... So maybe your age may count for caution......
Author LapinAmor Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 opps sorry, yes age makes me more cautious. I will be 20 and he will be 18. Thats another issue. Im wondering if he really understands what he wants and what this means for us. He is not the usual 18 yr old and is mature for his age. He says he understands.
allina Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I think that you're waaaaaaaaay too young, I would wait. While I'm a fan of living together before marriage, and live with my bf currently, I think living together at 18-20, while in college is rushing it.
Walk Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 I don't really think moving in with him will make or break your relationship. You two will either deal with the issues in a healthy and productive manner, or you'll implode. But that's based on how each of you communicate, your individual experiences, and how well the two of you can work together without pissing each other off. I don't think the moving in is quite as huge an issue as you seem to believe it is though. What I see as a bigger issue though is moving from one protective environment into another without allowing yourself the freedom to discover what you're capable of accomplishing on your own. Right now, that's probably not that big of a deal.. but in the long run, it goes far in building self-confidence and self-esteem. For a hypothetical example.. you move in with your bf and a year later things are not working out as you had hoped. At that point, you don't have the experience of being able to successfully take care of yourself without someone else standing next to you, so the fear of leaving the safety of the relationship would drive you to stay long past when it would be wiser to move on. As far as the guilt about your family... talk to your parents about this. If they are supporting you financially then they have a right to have their opionion heard on this matter. Doesn't mean you have to do what they say, but it will allow you to feel more comfortable with your ultimate decision. Let them know how you feel, ask for advice, explain to them that you value their opinion and you would like to hear their thoughts on the matter. Just let them feel like they're appreciated for what they have been doing for you, for all they've given you in the past, and show them that you're a rational adult who's learned how to make good decisions about your own life.
Author LapinAmor Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Thank you everyone for your posts
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