lofi_tokyo Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Okay! So this post isn't really about my breakup so much as my best friends break up. I'll give a point form summary (this is fairly chronological): -He dumps her -A month passes, they talk about why they broke up, they decide to take things slow, try it again. -Nothing is going as my friend plans, her ex is being flakey, she finds out from a mutual friend her ex is sleeping with other woman while seeing her. -She tells him the jig is up and ends it all with him. -He continues texting her, she texts back, they go on dates, but he will NOT date her, she cries about it, he comforts her but won't date her, and he is still hanging around with OTHER WOMEN! Okay, now we get to... present time! He texts her when he gets lonely, but ignores her when hes occupied with other women. She clings to the fact hes texting her. When he get lonely or misses her he calls her up, hangs out with her, and they sleep together. He won't date her though. Now, I have told her, VERY CLEARLY, that she needs to take a stand and get the hell away from this boy. He is NOT coming back. Her excuse is "well hes just not sure what he wants right now" and "I'm not really this type of girl". Well she is that type of girl, and I've told her eventually hes gonna start dating another girl and it won't be her and she'll be shattered. I've told her everything I can imagine people having said on LS about MOVING ON. But she won't! There are no words to get her out of this rut shes in! Shes convinced when he does decide to date again, the only girl she can see him going to is her, but the fact is (I know this guy) it won't be. The worst part is my friend is NOT COMPATIBLE AT ALL with this guy. When him and her started dating, everyone - his friends, her friends, all mutual friends, were shocked. They have completely different values and ways of life. She says thats what makes them compatible... but honestly? Him thinking its okay to **** other women while playing her makes him bad enough. Okay, sorry this is so long, but I just... I'm at a loss of how to help her. I don't want to think she's beyond help. I can't give up on her because shes in such a bad state right now and she can't even see it! She does not act anywhere near as happy as she normally is, shes always ashamed of herself but then justifies why its okay... shes really solidly in denial and takes terrible situations and somehow turns them around in her head to feel like shes in control, when shes not. What do I do!??!?
pandagirl Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I'm a little older than you TV, and I'm grown to understand that there is nothing anyone can do to change a friends mind, especially when it comes to matter of the heart. All you can do is be a supportive friend and listen to her. She has tunnel vision right now, and nothing you say or do will help her see the light! Only she is going to be able to get herself out of this situation. What you have to understand, is you can't take it personally. Yes, you are offering her advice and telling her what is right, but she's not necessarily going to listen to you, because she's not ready to confront the truth.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 Thats what I figured Panda, I just wish it wasn't my only option - it sucks seeing my friend being sad.
UnamedSeven Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Well, would you be able to compare this sort of event, to yourself? you can tell her, by experience, how bad things really got. You probably never had a situation like hers, but a little exaggeration is worth saving her from a terrible fate. If that doesn't work, this is certainly a life lesson. Meaning, when this guy starts dating again, she will be destroyed but will be able to see the real him. So, when she tries to recover, thats your time to step in
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