u91746 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 JJ - I sought out your posts thanks to your thoughtful comments on my threads and your interest in hearing the other side of things. There have been many facets to your story, but the one I wanted to touch on was the repeated contact initiated by the MM. As you know, I've been there and struggling with this since my EA / PA ended. I know that gals tend to look at us as typical men: just looking for the PA, rekindling the fires, interested in the sexual end of things only. Not true for me, and I suspect not for your MM either. I think there is a connection with another person and it is hard, very hard, to sever and move on sometimes. And being rebuffed gets taken personally as well...the contact is reaffirming that it's not personal, but needs to happen for some other reason (i.e. moving forward). It has been good to read your posts. I started as a support, encouraging my gal to feel better about herself, making her feel special. When the A stopped, we did NC and I found myself missing her a great deal. I would go back and pick the scab. There was a point, about 6 month in, where I became a source of stress and a weight, and I wasn't helping anymore. That's ****ty, frankly, to feel like a weight instead of a support. I wanted so much to be able to help, and ended up hurting instead. Even now I want to go back and make things better...but you can't. Your guy is using work for a charge, for an injection to remember this relationship with you. I think it's likely mostly selfish, but probably he's just living vicariously the life he wishes he could have, if not encumbered by his current life. Frankly, you are doing the right thing, but still not moving on maybe because you still have strong feelings? Anyhow, I wanted to thank you for your thoughtful posts, jj33, and I couldn't do so personally...hang in there and let me know how things go.
Author jj33 Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 Thanks U91746. Very kind of you to respond. Best for a merry Christmas. And I hope you find peace and happiness in the new year. jj
SupportGroupie Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 JJ We have exchanged posts on another thread, but this is a new day, new thread...I wanted to just send support and say that I am sorry you are hurting. I can related to a lot of your story, and it is very hard to sit and look back on how we did things or do things with these men. You sound like you really love him and that you are doing everything you can to try to get over him or move on. It takes a lot and I give you credit. I just wanted to say that I send support and hope that in time, you find happiness with or without this person. We all deserve that. I beat myself up a lot about my situation and also have not met anyone who I had the same chemistry with as the MM. Though I can clearly say I met good men who were trusting and good to me, and way more deserving of my time than the MM. I like what you said about "not wanting to be an option" or something to that affect. I feel same. Peace for the holidays Support Groupie
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