meringuepie Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 my boyfriend of a year broke up with me three months ago. he said he still loved me but couldn't handle all my "clingyness" "neediness" etc. finally, after waiting around and begging and making a fool of myself, I stopped waiting, started to move on and he realized, begged his way back and we've been back together for a month and a half. We're both in our last year of school. For the first few weeks, he really was trying, but he's getting lazy again. I brought it up, and he said that he loved me, but wanted to spend all of his lunchhours with his friends. Neither of us have free time besides lunch hours and weekends- some of which one of us is busy on. I feel a bit like a toy. I'm sick of begging- how do I make him miss me and want to spend more time with me without lowering myself?
lofi_tokyo Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Can't you spend lunch hours with him and his friends? Or is that out of the question? Sometimes problems in a relationship don't really change after a breakup/get back together. You only spent about a month and a half apart, so while he did end up missing you, it doesn't sound like he gained a deep appreciation of how important you really are to him. I'm not sure how you can make him miss you more other than by putting a little distance between you and him and not being afraid of losing him. I'm not totally sure!
BCCA Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 Think about what youre asking for. Do you really want to trick or manipulate somebody into wanting to spend some time with you? Should it really have to come to that? Like Tokyo said, is spending lunch with him and his friends an option or does he want to just be left alone with his friends? If its the latter, you need to lay it on the line - he makes some time for you once/twice a week or youre done. The problem with getting back with someone that left you is that you tend to take less than you want from them because youre affraid if you rock the boat too much they'll be gone. Problem is, if youre in a relationship where your needs arent being met, youll never be happy. And if you let this continue, it will just get worse. He might have missed having someone, or just been lonely. Who knows what his motivation for coming back was. But you have to look out for your heart and your wants above all else.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 You can't force or "make" someone care. I've learned that the more clingy you behave, the further they retreat. Men seem to have this anti-clingy gene that kicks into action as soon as they sense it coming on. The best thing you can do for yourself is to do things on your own, with your friends, etc. Don't rely on him for your pleasure. Do things you enjoy - make him yet another addition to your bountiful life. Don't allow him to become the be all and end all...
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