am I nice?

[cashley]

Hmmm,

 

Well, im embassed about this one, and im tempted just to 'leave it be'.

BUT, then the anger sweels, and I wonder should I call>>>???

 

I recently 'saw' my X and during this meeting, 'alot' went on... anyway, end result being, I was let down again, AGAIN and hes still with this other woman... living off her, and she thinks blissfully in love....

She knows of me, and was horrible to me, PART of me wants to wreak his/her world of so-called-happiness.

 

I just got crapped on again, the X didnt show up for court, or assist me at all. I had asked 1 favour. He promised he would help me, but I think the reason he didnt was hes too afraid of his new GF.

 

I was led up the garden path, and part of me, wants to send her pictures i took of him, and tell her where he was on Mon , Wednesday and Thursday this week.....

 

Oh god, what happened, and WHY did I allow is>???

 

Validation....

 

How can I stop myself from telling on him, getting him in BIG trouble, and possibly another court order against me.. It just SO tempting.

He deserves to take a fall, he has been beyond human towards me.

 

Im ANGRY. Squashed again.

 

Part of me knows his new GF life sucks so much, i should let her have her own experience of him, she supports him, and hes screwed around.

[amaysngrace]

I would leave them alone because it sounds like you keep harrassing them.

 

Face it. He cares more about her than he cares about you or he doesn't care about you at all. They are your only two options.

 

Otherwise he'd have shown up for court.

[premiumjet]

You mean he's coming around to you for sex but has this other GF that he lives off of, is that what youre saying?

[lofi_tokyo]

Honestly, I think you should just ditch the guy. No more sex to make yourself feel like he cares about you, because if he did care he wouldn't be putting you through this. It may make you feel like you have power because you have information that can hurt the new woman - but what do you gain from hurting her? Not much, except looking like one mean mean woman.

[cashley]

Yeah I agree, Tokyo.. Time to be the bigger women here. Im keeping my dignity intact, and I dont envy her position at all.

 

Amasysngrace, I have not harrassed them, initially his gf phoned ME a few months back, to find out why he had been calling me daily. I told her- my X then put an order on me so I could never let his lies be known.

IF I were harrassing them, I would have been judged guilty by a REAL judge on Thursday!

His petty complaint was thrown out of court.

IF he cares so much about HER, why risk his relationship...and sleep with me?? why ask me to move back with him?? Please tell me, you must be a guy!

 

Yes his not showing up, was the final straw, but he did come and surprise me at the courthouse after he had finished work.

(Oh gee, thanks too late cupcake)

Premiumjet* i went to his state qld this week for court, we 'did it' a few times....maybe old times sake.?? and yeah shes feeding clothing, and supporting him. But I live 1000kms away, so he cant do that ALL the time*thanks god.

 

anyway- for a while today, on my 12 hr drive home, after a very crappy week, I 'considered ' somehow letting her know.

Yes he lives off her 100%. He is well and truly stuffed. If she was to throw him out, he would experience some pain....no where to go, no money.

 

Karma is sweet enough really.

 

BUT like I said, I am going to remain calm, and happy I can lay this to rest, and now really concerntrate on myself. He was enough of an ass for me to CLEARLY remember why I left. I have renewed strength that had lost.

 

OLE! thanks for input, I kinda knew it was right to just walk away.

[lofi_tokyo]

Good call! You can do better than him. Whatever happens between him and his new woman, who cares!? Chances are shes gonna end up dumping his sorry ass too.

 

Their relationship, as I am sure you can tell, is far from healthy. If she stays with him for the long haul... I'd be very surprised.

 

Its good your are finally decided to move on though, hes used you enough and yeah - you're a smart woman, you know whats going on, so its time to walk away and find a more compatible man for you.

[amaysngrace]

Amasysngrace, I have not harrassed them, initially his gf phoned ME a few months back, to find out why he had been calling me daily. I told her- my X then put an order on me so I could never let his lies be known.

IF I were harrassing them, I would have been judged guilty by a REAL judge on Thursday!

His petty complaint was thrown out of court.

IF he cares so much about HER, why risk his relationship...and sleep with me?? why ask me to move back with him?? Please tell me, you must be a guy!

 

 

No I'm not a guy. Actually a girl in a relationship with my BF for two and a half years. He never filed charges against me. Bogus or not. That right there would make me never speak to him again nevermind screw him again.

[cashley]

sorry amaysngrace i 'assumed' (kick me)

 

now my question is...why are you reading this forum, if your in a 2 1/2 year relationship?

(im not taking anymore guesses...)

 

Yeah everyone, after a great nights sleep, I dont want him back, and have no desire to ruin her world, his already sucks, and im FREE.

Tokyo im feeling good today(obviously i must have looked great when we met up...got compliments, and felt good), im back home, and leaving the past where it belongs..behind me.

 

WHY would a guy have done this?? to himself, and his new girl..part of me thinks he did it so i would tell, and he could leave, blaming me....

hes a sociopath.

confused, or total toe rag??

 

 

PS :I dont need judgement for sleeping with him, im old enough to make my own choices. be they mistakes or good ones!

[amaysngrace]

sorry amaysngrace i 'assumed' (kick me)

 

now my question is...why are you reading this forum, if your in a 2 1/2 year relationship?

(im not taking anymore guesses...)

 

Yeah everyone, after a great nights sleep, I dont want him back, and have no desire to ruin her world, his already sucks, and im FREE.

 

It's amazing what a brand new day can do! Good for you for seeing it this way. The guy's a creep. Better things are in store even if you don't find someone else right away, it's better than being with a loser.

 

Oh, I'm on this forum cause I like being here.

[cashley]

Im happy not 'finding' someone right away!!!

 

Im an emotional mess. I dont want mr. right and perfect to be knocking at my door right now!!

I need to take some time for me, to find me, forgive myself, and get on with my life. I need to forget all the crap my X did to me, or the next guy will suffer a paranoid GF who cant trust, and has carried old habbits into the new.. NO its MY time.

I need to sort out my career, my head, my heart, and get into my own house...

 

I dont understand why people seek someone else right away...I really think some time to reflect and grow is on offer here.

 

Now for lack of interest..I am knocking back invites.

 

Im still passionate about the X, although now its dislike with a passion, its still there. I miss the comfort of his arms, and no one elses can fill that void. Yet.

 

I HATE the way he is with someone else, although im pretty sure hes not in love, and he is reliant on her in everyway.. its hard to imagine him with someone... obviously didnt miss me or need time out...that sucks.

[amaysngrace]

Some people can't be alone. My exH went from me to someone else in like three weeks. And we were married for nine years!

 

So I know how that feels. It's like one gigantic slap in the face.

 

But as far as your ex is concerned, he won't take the time to grow. He won't have any down time to figure things out. He won't get to know what makes him tick. And that sucks for him.

 

Ask yourself something...if this new girl wasn't around would you still want him back?

[cashley]

wow amaysngrace...food for thought..

 

I wish he had taken time to understand what went wrong, and to miss me too.

 

I think that his jumping right into the arms of someone else has made it harder...on me to deal with being alone...

 

I think, even if he was alone, id miss his arms, the familiar smell....but would I miss the attitude?? NOWAY, and as you pointed out, he hasnt and is unlikley to even take the time to think about it, and so wont change at all.

 

would I have even 'seen' him...?? who can say?? we always want what we cant have...I think I needed to see if he was still 'into' me.. and maybe..*better than her... its become a bloody competition!

(OH hes GOOD, passive aggressive ***hole.)

 

I like it when comments make me really sit back and think a while...

 

(also nice to know you have experience in life...a 9 year marrige! that ended...How the heck did you cope...

 

any ANY hints are most welcome!

[sedgwick]

If he already took out a court order against you, I'd say leave his new gf alone! It's not worth it. She'll figure it out soon enough.

[LittleDove]

Im proud to say there is no dilemma anymore.

 

I am bigger nicer and kinder. He is a rat, shes awful (from the little we have spoken) and this is HER trip in life now!!

 

He is my past, and what he did just shows hes capable of it, and probably did it to me too.

 

I am letting go! Let him do as he pleases, she is already wearing the cost of his life. I am not jealous of her life. She is living with a man who has no feelings. Thats HER deal, not mine.

 

Im also NOT a STALKER! his court order was thrown out, and he was charged the fees! I didnt do anything wrong, he used it to protect his lies.

 

Oh and im also LittleDove now... I have REALLY let go, and am moving on!!

[amaysngrace]

Hey Li'l Dove! I like your new name. It's kind of peacey.

 

I felt sorry for the new girl. She had my sympathy from day one. She still does three years later.

 

You know what's weirdest of all? He calls me almost every day just to chat with me. It's when my kids are at school so I know it's just for me. I don't know if he does it because he misses me or if he's doing it so she discovers it on his cell phone bill. Either way he's a loser and she has my pity.

 

People don't change unless they want to or are forced to. If these women accept them as is then they are always going to be the same guy.

 

Yuck.

[LittleDove]

Thanks amaysngrace...i love your name too..

 

its all about PEACE in my life now...because the entire time I was with ego, it wasnt peace, but WAR!

 

He has NOT changed, hes a cheating lying ***** even worse than id ever imagined.

 

She(the newest victim) will learn the hard way, just like I did. Thats her fate now...

 

Ego wanted and tried to keep contact with me, but knowing hes with her, makes me too angry and its impossible for me. He can shove his 'friendship' where the sun dont shine. Im not interested. He says its habit to talk with me, and that NO ONE else really understands him...bs bs bs.

 

Hes 'passive aggressive' and im thinking he might have slept with me, in the HOPE id tell her... because he doesnt have the balls to end it...it was risky on his part... my history says I would have told her by now...I bet he doesnt know what to think.

 

who can say?? i just hope I stop caring soon. This haunts me, he 'should' be grieving our loss, losses, not living with someone else.*bangs head.

[amaysngrace]

Hes 'passive aggressive' and im thinking he might have slept with me, in the HOPE id tell her... because he doesnt have the balls to end it...it was risky on his part... my history says I would have told her by now...I bet he doesnt know what to think.

 

who can say?? i just hope I stop caring soon.

 

That's the best when they don't know what to think. That's why it's good to just ignore them. Silence sends a loud and clear message.

 

It takes time to stop caring completely. Trick is to care less and less every day. You'll get there.

[LittleDove]

Im getting there amasyngrace...

Before I caved and broke NC I was alot better... a few weeks ago. Its been 6 months since I left, and 3 since I discovered the gf was living at my house... but first contact since May, was last week, opened up the wounds..

 

I wore those rose colored glasses, and he was so much nicer in my memories!! Im glad I can see clearly for the first time...

 

soon im sure I will be at a place where I just dont care...

 

I WILL NOT break NC, the silence isnt a punishment, its that loud and clear message, IM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING HE CAN POSSIBLY SAY.

and it makes me smile too, because its out of character for me to go quiet...i hope it does his head in.

 

The more I think, the more I know im onto something...

He did it to get busted. Hes not stupid... in the past, he did the same thing to me...i never wanted to believe it, but he told his kids he had 'seen' thier mother behind my back, and said it was a 'secret'...of course the kids told me...he admitted that was his plan back then..

 

I dont doubt his plan backfired. When I first discovered about her, I did let her know I existed..so theres no reason for him to think I wouldnt tell her. He isnt happy but is reliant on her. Im not helping him out, or in, or anywhere.

 

Id love to ruin his world, but prefer to keep my dignity intact, and leave the scum to rot together.

*no im not bitter!lol.

[BCCA]

I WILL NOT break NC, the silence isnt a punishment, its that loud and clear message, IM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING HE CAN POSSIBLY SAY.

 

There you go! NC from here on out!

 

Let me level with you, he could of honestly just wanted to have sex with you a few more times. Ex's have done it to me before, and Im a guy. I doubt he thought up an elaborate plan to have her find out so she would dump him. Like you said, where would he go? If he wanted to leave her, trust me, he would be gone. Chances are whatever hes telling you about his feelings toward her are BS.

 

I doubt he thought you would tell her, and you know what would happen if you did? "That woman is crazy!" - thats what he would tell her, and they would both label you as the crazy ex thats making stuff up to try and ruin their relationship. He knows even if you did say something he could say it was BS, and unless you had a hidden camera, how would you prove otherwise? Trust me, if he thought anything out, it was how NOT to get caught. There is no one in the world that wants to get caught cheating. Hell hath no fury...

[LittleDove]

Oh update...

 

I was told by a mutual friend, he had taken the new gf climbing, where we used to go...on SUNDAY. I felt terrible, yep, his LIES had worked.

I blurted out to my friend what he had done to me...and what had happened.

My "friend' then told the gf EVERYTHING.

So its all out now, and as far as I know, theyre not together now. Maybe they are??

 

Massive huh. as soon as I told my friend, i knew hed say something, and on an island, word travels fast. I DIDNT think he would call HER and tell her.

 

So I got a call from the X saying id ruined his life, and was I happy now??

 

No im not happy. Not happy he strung me along again, not happy I wanted to trust him so badly, not happy I look like a desparate **** who allowed sex to happen. REALLY SHOCKED that he took her to climb my favorite mountain!(she isnt even fit)... that was my final straw. Really sentimental place for me, obviously not for him.

 

I imagine the X is saying nothing happened...I dont care, what he did, is so evil, I had a little cry, my last..?

 

Something shifted yesterday, and im feeling alot better about things now.

 

Am I happy they broke up? No I dont care. I didnt set out to break them up. She did nothing really wrong- HE did, and for once his actions came back to bite his ass.

 

I am going to loose everyones number on that island, and start again. If the X sends me anymore txt, im reporting it, and having it stopped.

 

ENOUGH ALREADY. I regret seeing him, none of this would have happened.

I bet hes regretting ASKING to meet me, when I really didnt want to.

 

Now I release it all.