cdp2055 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 My girlfriend and I had been going out for just over 2 years. I am a sophomore in college and she is a freshman and we go to school about 150 miles apart but we see eachother twice a month or more. When she started college she began to change a little bit but nothing too bad to the point where there were serious problems. Last night we got into a deep discussion about where we are as people and that our relationship was lacking something that used to be there but we didn't know what. After talking for a couple hours I broke up with her because this is the only way to know if she is the one for me and vice versa. Although very sad and teary-eyed, we both were mutual about the decision. However, right now I'm questioning the situation. I woke up this morning thinking that I made a horrible mistake. I honestly believe we will come back to eachother someday. I just think that we possibly need some time apart to grow more as individuals. Does this seem like a good idea?
lofi_tokyo Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 It all sounds very well scripted, the couple that dates in colleges but breaks up to see whats out there, even though they have feelings for eachother... You may believe right now you'll end up together someday, and thats because right now you both feel love towards eachother, but the more time you spend broken up, the more those feelings will fade. Eventually, one of you will start dating, the other person will feel hurt that their ex is moving on, they'll force themselves to move on, start dating... Now, its possible you may both be like "no were meant to be together" after dating a few people, but I think its more than likely that this marks the begging of a very permanent end between you and your ex. That may not be a bad thing now, even though it may sound like it at first - now you can meet someone new where that feeling isn't missing, you know? You're right in thinking its good to see whats out there - but you'd only be feeling that if your current love is not satisfying you. If she was 100% the one, you probably wouldn't have any doubts.
northstar1 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 My girlfriend and I had been going out for just over 2 years. I am a sophomore in college and she is a freshman and we go to school about 150 miles apart but we see eachother twice a month or more. When she started college she began to change a little bit but nothing too bad to the point where there were serious problems. Last night we got into a deep discussion about where we are as people and that our relationship was lacking something that used to be there but we didn't know what. After talking for a couple hours I broke up with her because this is the only way to know if she is the one for me and vice versa. Although very sad and teary-eyed, we both were mutual about the decision. However, right now I'm questioning the situation. I woke up this morning thinking that I made a horrible mistake. I honestly believe we will come back to eachother someday. I just think that we possibly need some time apart to grow more as individuals. Does this seem like a good idea? A lot of people breakup in college. It's a time of change for a lot of people and many need to 'see what is out there'. The reality is that very few get back together, the same way that not many high school relationships go the distance. You are both young and have a lot to see and do. I'm not saying that you won't perhaps reconnect down the road, anything is possible. College is a time for growth, experience and change. If you are unsure, best thing is to talk to her about it and make sure you are both making the right decision. You don't want to carry a heart full of regret down the road.
EmperorR Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 sorry it's probably done, this isn't the notebook or some nice hollywood ending, break up to see what out there usually im bored of you and want to find someone more exciting.
Lizzyb6938 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I am going through the EXACT situation you are right now. we're about to leave uni, he's doing med next year and going away to europe, and we're both at the point in our relationship we're we love one another and even possibly think that were 'the one' for one another but were just so young. he's got 8 years of uni ahead of him, i need to set up my career and weve both just got so far to go. we both want to end up together but at the moment the first year of med is supposed to be hell on earth, the work load is incredible and i really need to get my life sorted. anyways we had the best day on monday together, when we were discussing the breakup, and he told me how much he loved me, wanted to be with me and wanted to get back together but i said no because he's still really confused. she basically we said we'd do the day again when he comes home from hols in 1.5 months and discuss in then. basically i'm in the exact same boat but i have no idea if it's going to work out, like everyone said. maybe if you have a time limit on it like we have- 1.5 months to go away, see the world etc, and then come back and figure out what we want, maybe that's an idea. but i don't know i'm just as lost as you are.
carhill Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I honestly believe we will come back to each other someday. I just think that we possibly need some time apart to grow more as individuals. Does this seem like a good idea? At your age, IMO, you've made a wise choice, based on the circumstances you've described. You will question this choice; you will doubt this choice. In ten years, no matter what the result, you will IMO look back upon it and see it as a pivotal positive choice in your life. Does that help?
allanDR Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I've never bought into this whole "let them go, if they're the right one, they'll come back" idea. Yeah, that's a hollywood story but all it does in real life is make you miserable or you end up finding someone else.
carhill Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Or, you end up growing as an individual and developing a completely different and new relationship with the same person. Sometimes, for some people, personal growth cannot take place within an unhealthy relationship. I would opine most of the time, for most of the people, but I like to err on the side of conservatism
Author cdp2055 Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 we went out to dinner as friends last night and it went really well. we came to the conclusion that this is more of a break than a break up. We need time to find ourselves, then eachother. we both are positive that we will be together again. There is no doubt about that and we both know that we are truly the one's for eachother.
MichiganMan222 Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 Did you set mutual expectations on how other people come into play? Don't ignore that. Agree to either see others or not see others. If its not brought up, you may share different views and someone could get accused of cheating.
Author cdp2055 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Yes, we both agreed that we wouldn't hook up with anybody. We also said we wouldn't date anyone right away because we are both living too hectic lives to date. Another aspect of this whole situation is that I am transferring to her uni after next semester. Not because of her but because my family can not afford where I'm going much longer. I'm positive sure we're going to get back together. After last night we both know that we are both still madly in love with each other and I'm pretty sure we'll get back together before Christmas.
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