Am I ready to be dating?

[fromlonelytogreat]

I am in the awkward situation of not having many friends, and my social life has basically hit rock bottom. This is not by choice. I WANT to be going out on the weekends, but am usually spending them alone.

 

I have a successful career, but I just want to find someone to share my life with, someone I can share life experiences with.

 

I have never been on a full on proper date, mostly due to my extreme shyness while growing up.

 

I am in my mid-20s if that helps.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

You're young- you have the world ahead of you- you can do it!

 

First of all, I think it would help you a lot to form some friendships. If you have few or no friends, then your emotions will be a lot more tied up with the person you are dating. That puts too much pressure on you and them.

 

So.....how do you do that? Well of course there are lots of ways. I suggest you find one thing you are really interested in. Photography, wine tasting, hiking, graphic novels, whatever. Something that you like and that will allow you to bond with people. Then find a way to socialize over this mutual interest. With the internet there are now so many more ways to find and connect with people. I'm not talking about chat rooms, I'm talking about using the internet to find some kind of local group that revolves around your interest.

 

Then you actually have to do something about it. Shyness is a problem for a lot of people when they are young, but many people grow out of it when they are older. It is not something that just goes away, but rather something that can be managed and overcome. I used to be somewhat shy, but then I had a job that forced me to be social, and even to do a lot of public speaking. That really brought me out of my shell! It's tough, but so worth the effort.

 

Once you have established some sort of social life, then dating will hopefully follow. You will have more friends, social connections, and improved skills in dealing with people. I hope this doesn't sound too simplistic, but it really can work.

 

Good Luck!

[fromlonelytogreat]

Yeah, I understand that. However, I can't just remain single my whole life. My opportunities for meeting women are so limited now. I have considered online dating, but for someone like myself, I just don't know how well that would work.

 

As part of my work, I do a lot of liaising with superiors on the phone. This has curbed my phobia of talking on the phone somewhat.

 

I am almost 25, but still feel like someone who is under 20. I know of people my age that go to wine tasting events, have travelled extensively, regularly go to concerts, bars/clubs, and get invited to parties etc...

 

I haven't done a lot of the above because I have no one to do these activities with. I haven't been invited to a party since i was 20. I enjoy going nightclub dancing, but have only done this a handful of times since then. I have also been to a bar so few times that I really don't know what to drink.

 

I am completely hopeless with small talk. I am always worried that I am being too boring. This is why I can go from being really quiet to spurting out random funny things/observations.

 

I have tried getting involved with a local car club for my make of car, but the people I met there were mainly not of a decent level - understandable, most of them are younger than me. I want to learn about the mechanical side of cars. I kinda want to sell my car to buy something more 'adult' and get involved with that kinda club.

 

I think I am not bad looking, and I the way I dress to work appears that I am a 'cool' guy, but in reality I am a loner geek.

 

You're young- you have the world ahead of you- you can do it!

 

First of all, I think it would help you a lot to form some friendships. If you have few or no friends, then your emotions will be a lot more tied up with the person you are dating. That puts too much pressure on you and them.

 

So.....how do you do that? Well of course there are lots of ways. I suggest you find one thing you are really interested in. Photography, wine tasting, hiking, graphic novels, whatever. Something that you like and that will allow you to bond with people. Then find a way to socialize over this mutual interest. With the internet there are now so many more ways to find and connect with people. I'm not talking about chat rooms, I'm talking about using the internet to find some kind of local group that revolves around your interest.

 

Then you actually have to do something about it. Shyness is a problem for a lot of people when they are young, but many people grow out of it when they are older. It is not something that just goes away, but rather something that can be managed and overcome. I used to be somewhat shy, but then I had a job that forced me to be social, and even to do a lot of public speaking. That really brought me out of my shell! It's tough, but so worth the effort.

 

Once you have established some sort of social life, then dating will hopefully follow. You will have more friends, social connections, and improved skills in dealing with people. I hope this doesn't sound too simplistic, but it really can work.

 

Good Luck!

[livinlovin]

You mentioned not traveling or going out because you have no one to do them with. This is kind of the chicken or the egg question. It takes a leap of faith, but if you want to travel, etc., why don't you go alone? This leaves you open to meet and find people when you are there.

 

Also, it helps you become more comfortable with others and helps you to know yourself better.

 

Just a thought

[kashmir]

You mentioned not traveling or going out because you have no one to do them with. This is kind of the chicken or the egg question. It takes a leap of faith, but if you want to travel, etc., why don't you go alone? This leaves you open to meet and find people when you are there.

 

Also, it helps you become more comfortable with others and helps you to know yourself better.

 

Just a thought

 

That's not a bad suggestion, but I find that today's society is very group-oriented. If you're not with a group, you have no social value. If you're alone, you're a creep to most people.

[fromlonelytogreat]

That's not a bad suggestion, but I find that today's society is very group-oriented. If you're not with a group, you have no social value. If you're alone, you're a creep to most people.

 

Quoted for truth.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

First of all, all it takes is one friend who has friends. Just one. I've moved several times across the country where I knew NO ONE. Not a soul. was it difficult at first? Yes, it was. But each and every time, all it took was meeting that one person I really clicked with, who already had some friends, and boom, I had a social life.

 

As far as the alone thing, I think if you go to a bar by yourself on a Saturday night, that could be seen as a little weird. But after work for a beer after a long day on a Wednesday? It's different. I know a lot of people who do this, and I've done it too.

 

I've also travelled by myself, and I've found it to be quite rewarding. I've met a lot of interesting people that I would not have met had I been with other people, because I was forced to make those connections.

 

When I'm in a situation where I'm by myself, in order to show people that I do have friends, I flat out tell them. I wanted to come to this island for a few days and my friends have to work so I came anyway. I'm sure we'll do a trip together some other time. Why am I in the bar by myself? I had a long day and I want a drink. Big deal. People do this all the time. The trick is to let people know that you have friends, they just aren't there right now.

 

So now I know you are going to tell me, but Cherry Blossom, I don't have friends. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! Pretend you do. Pretend you have a lot of friends and are very popular. Soon you will start believing it and before you know it, you WILL have friends.

 

None of this is easy, but if you want to change the situation, you have to go out of your comfort zone. You don't have to go waaaaaay out of it, maybe just a little.

[fromlonelytogreat]

First of all, all it takes is one friend who has friends. Just one. I've moved several times across the country where I knew NO ONE. Not a soul. was it difficult at first? Yes, it was. But each and every time, all it took was meeting that one person I really clicked with, who already had some friends, and boom, I had a social life.

 

As far as the alone thing, I think if you go to a bar by yourself on a Saturday night, that could be seen as a little weird. But after work for a beer after a long day on a Wednesday? It's different. I know a lot of people who do this, and I've done it too.

 

I've also travelled by myself, and I've found it to be quite rewarding. I've met a lot of interesting people that I would not have met had I been with other people, because I was forced to make those connections.

 

When I'm in a situation where I'm by myself, in order to show people that I do have friends, I flat out tell them. I wanted to come to this island for a few days and my friends have to work so I came anyway. I'm sure we'll do a trip together some other time. Why am I in the bar by myself? I had a long day and I want a drink. Big deal. People do this all the time. The trick is to let people know that you have friends, they just aren't there right now.

 

So now I know you are going to tell me, but Cherry Blossom, I don't have friends. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! Pretend you do. Pretend you have a lot of friends and are very popular. Soon you will start believing it and before you know it, you WILL have friends.

 

None of this is easy, but if you want to change the situation, you have to go out of your comfort zone. You don't have to go waaaaaay out of it, maybe just a little.

 

Yeah, I am doing that now. I usually say, 'My friends don't want to go clubbing, but I do' or 'My friends are so boring'. In reality, I have maybe one good friend that I catch up with regularly and he isn't very social.

 

I am so busy during the week, I just want to be social and have fun on the weekends!!!

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Yeah, I am doing that now. I usually say, 'My friends don't want to go clubbing, but I do' or 'My friends are so boring'. In reality, I have maybe one good friend that I catch up with regularly and he isn't very social.

 

I am so busy during the week, I just want to be social and have fun on the weekends!!!

 

Of course you do!!!

 

Another tip is to be interested in other people. Ask them questions about their lives. People love to talk about themselves, so they like being around people who are interested in them.

[sid3]

Go to your nearest mall. Volunteers are always needed to wrap gifts during the few weeks before xmas. Could you find a better opportunity to be sourrounded by women? Think of the possibilities. You will literally be talking to the ladies the whole time...