TheRock Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Is it possible to get over a BIG fight and regain the romantic feelings for eachother? My GF and I had a HUGE blowout a few weeks ago and basically nothing was held back. I felt awful about it, apologized for being an A$$ and sent a card with her favorite flowers. We're attempting to stay together and get back on track. She says part of the problem is she's lost some of the attraction, possibly from all of the fighting. Claims it's turned her off in some ways. Is there a way to get past this and regain the "Spark"? If so, How? PS- I've decided to back-off and stop giving her a hard time about her father's interference in our relationship and her failure to stand up to him. And, I've decided to stop pushing the issues of Marriage, Engagement and Living together...3 of the things that have been bothering her and turning her off.
Angel1111 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 You probably can but constant fighting, or big fights, will cool the passion in any relationship. I don't believe in those all-out war, 'say anything that comes to mind' arguments. They are incredibly destructive and destroy trust on a very deep level. In order to get things back on track, you have to commit to not letting things get to this point. Having said that, though, I think you're asking the wrong questons. I think the key questions to ask yourself are why do you want to be in a relationship that requires so much compromise, that is so totally frustrating, and that gets you to that boiling point? Do you have a problem with your tempter, or does her wimpy way of handling her life just piss you off too much? How about the disrespect you get in this relationship - are you ok with that? Are you going to be able to stop bringing up this topic, and truly stop letting it bug you? If not, then those fights will never stop and your agitation toward her won't either, which will eventually turn into disgust. All of these things are true passion-killers and your relationship will be doomed no matter how much you want it to work out if you can't truly make peace with how she conducts her life.
Author TheRock Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 Her wimpy way of handling her life pisses me off and I hold it in until I break and let it all out. I'm not going to do that anymore. I basically told her, you're an adult and can change this if you want to, I'm not letting it affect my life anymore. I told her I want and deserve the same respect she'd give her family and friends. I don't want to fight about this anymore, I just need to know what she feels, as she isn't very "open" about her feelings. Never has been in her life, according to her. I'm willing to put the past behind us and hope when she gets her own place, things will improve. I need her to not hold a grudge and try to get things back on track. I told her one person can't do it alone, we both have to make the effort, a TRUE effort to get back on track. She said she wants to and hopes to. But, down deep, I know things won't improve much till she's out on her own.
Angel1111 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Here's a newsflash for you - I can pretty much assure you that she won't be getting a place of her own for about 10 yrs or so. Based on what you wrote in your other post, this girl is some kind of screwed up. Don't kid yourself about how this will eat at you for as long as you're with her. Just remember that whatever issues you have before marriage, will be multiplied by 10 when you're married. Ask yourself if this is what you want. She probably didn't like the argument but, worse, she is most likely completely clueless as to why you were so angry. Again, her mind-set and psychological issues are not a good basis for a relationship. If you ever manage to drag her away from her dad, I can almost assure you that your marriage will end in divorce. Instead of worrying about whether you can get her to come back around and fix this, you need to run - not walk - from this relationship. I'm sorry but I can assure you this is not fixable unless she wakes up one day and a ray of bright light streaks through her head and wakes her up completely. I'm guessing that's not going to happen.
Author TheRock Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 Even her brother tells her her parents are brainwashing\manipulating her and HE'S told her she needs to get out. She just doesn't get it...Unfortunately.
Angel1111 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Even her brother tells her her parents are brainwashing\manipulating her and HE'S told her she needs to get out. She just doesn't get it...Unfortunately. That's because she's a willing victim and the relationship with her parents serves a purpose. Do not try to fix her, do not try to convince her, do not try to change her, do not try to enlighten her. Either accept her as she is, or walk away.
carhill Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I told her I want and deserve the same respect she'd give her family and friends. I don't want to fight about this anymore, I just need to know what she feels, as she isn't very "open" about her feelings Get out now. Trust me
Recommended Posts