In Late 20's, Need Some Input

[CWhells]

Hey everyone.

 

I've found my way to these forums and some other outlets for relationship advice, both online and offline. Recently I've decided to address something I've been putting off for a long time.

 

To put it short, I'm currently 27 and have never had any experience with women. Never had a girlfriend, dated, had sex, or even kissed - pretty much the whole deal. This didn't bother me for a while, mostly because I was busy with other things, but recently it has been getting to me.

 

I've described my situation to others online, and I usually get an answer that goes something like, "You need to improve yourself first. You need hobbies and passions." That's respectable and very true advice, but honestly, I think that isn't the problem for me.

 

I was a bit of a bookworm through high school and college. I was focused on my studies and didn't go out to socialize much. That doesn't mean I wasn't active in other ways, though. I was an athlete through high school and college and kept in very good shape. I was part of a few clubs as well. Most of my free time was spent oil painting (I wasn't any expert , but I gradually got better and really enjoyed learning to paint). Towards the end of my senior year, I was offered a modeling job for some local ads. I kept that as a side job through grad school. Now I have a job that I really like working in medical research.

 

Just like anyone else, I have my faults, plenty of them too. I can be somewhat of a loner at times and not too sociable. I can also be really slow sometimes and make an idiot of myself, ha! I'm not hesitant to say, though, that I'm proud and happy with what I've done so far.

 

Though, I still feel an emptiness. Like I said, for most of my years I was content without women, but now I'm starting to wonder if anything will ever come. I don't have many friends or know many people, and those I do know think everything is fine with me. People, including my own family, tend to assume that I never had any problems attracting women.

 

As you can imagine, my job has a limited amount of people, and I generally don't get out too much except to compete in the sport that I do. Back a few years ago, though, I would be exposed to a number of women, especially through the short-term modeling job I had, but no woman has ever seemed too interested in me. I'm thinking about seeking professional help, like some sort of dating coach, because I have no idea what my problem is.

 

If anyone here can give me input though before I resort to that, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

[jayOG]

Meeting someone in your late twenties can be difficult. Most people have careers and generally hit the bar scene to meet people. Your work doesn't provide you with much opportunities and you are looking to fill the void you feel. I've pretty much recapped what you just stated. However, you should know that it is especially common for people in your age bracket. Most men and women are looking for partners to settle down with by this time...

 

Your lack of experience can be easily fixed. From what you stated and the way in which you stated suggest that you are a secure person who knows what they want and is attempting to achieve that goal. The fact that you know yourself very well is incredibly important. Most people don't realize that you need to be secure with yourself before you can be with someone else. You already have that. You have a lot of positive things going for yourself... You are an athlete, a college graduate, have a job, apparently attractive given your modeling career, and you know both your weaknesses and strengths.

 

You also sound relatively intelligent. Intelligence is such a huge step in social scenarios. If you can extrapolate large amounts of information from small amounts of experience; you will do well.

 

I always find it difficult to go out and pick up women alone, because you seem like a creep when you are by yourself. Going out with a friend and attempting to pick up women is a good start. It is a good building block and confidence booster. You can watch and observe other people. Look for cues and attempt to elicit positive responses. You will eventually figure what works for you.

 

I don't believe you need a dating coach or professional help. Instead you should be getting some field experience. Since you are a bookworm, you should read up on dating and sex. As you know knowledge is power... I had no idea what to do on a date let alone in bed, however thanks to reading and observing I was able to apply my knowledge to real life situations and found that it was extremely effective.

 

 

Watching my friends was extremely helpful. I observed how they got girls. Some had an image they capitalized on, others a skill, and a few mind games. You tend develope your own method that is in harmony with your abilities. As far as meeting girls, I've been fortunate because in my line of work I will always be meeting new people. I suggest you do the bar scene until you feel prepared to speak with women on a regular basis. I built up my confidence through trial and error. I moved from picking up girls to dating girls to randomly charming girls i meet throughout my day. Now possibilities seem endless... I think you are fine and you will do very well.

 

 

BTW I'm slightly younger than you and have pushed off relationships and dating to meet more pressing matter. I do however keep my skills very sharp. I understand the void you feel. Given that you are able to joke about yourself, I would use this approach( I can also be really slow sometimes and make an idiot of myself, ha!). I often find in persuasive arguments that by telling someone your faults it build credibility and trust. I sometimes apologize that I'm retarded and make fun of myself. I usually exaggerate my point to excessive amounts and do something ridiculous, which is followed up by something fun. It counterintuitive but it works...