serialgf Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 ugh so this is kind of like the opposite of many of those snoopy girl threads that are posted on here. so my bf and i have been together for creeping on a whole two months now. everything has been moving pretty quickly, we spend a lot of time together etc. so i'm posting because just now my boyfriend actually gave me his email password. i am using a friend's computer at the cafe where he works and he wanted to check his email. i was already signed into gmail so i signed out and motioned to him that he could login, and he said, oh could you just do it for me? i was really taken aback and entered in his username and password and bam there i am just looking at all his email. i mean isn't it just me or isn't that pretty intimate? letting someone have access to your freaking email. i guess i'm freaking because i don't know if i can handle this level of trust. my bf is 36, i'm 28 and he just seems more ready than i am to really be attached to someone else. another thing is, from the beginning of us being together, he listens to his voicemail on speakerphone and puts the password in right in front of me. i'm pretty sure i know his ATM password too... what do you guys think of this behavior? would you consider it a red flag??
Author serialgf Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 i forgot that the last email he was looking at was from his ex (they dated for 8 years and broke up 2 years ago). he had to go and he asked me to log out and just left that email open, so i read it. he told her he thinks of her often and she signed her response to him with an "xo". they had a terrible relationship and i know he's not into her that way and i keep in touch with my ex too so i'm not mad about it but i just wanted to get it off my shoulders so i don't passively aggressively take it out on him. thanks guys!
InLimbo2 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 You're looking to borrow trouble. If he was being secretive about passwords and voicemails you'd wonder what he was hiding - he's being totally open and you're still looking for the negative. Evidently he's got zero to hide and he trusts you to not betray that trust. My SO trusts me that much, as I do him - and I have friends that trust me that much. I don't go around giving out a list of all my passwords and PINS, but I've had my guy log me into mail or into my bank account (while I was out of the country and not trusting public terminals 2 months after we started dating) and given him my PIN to use my debit card to fill my gas tank. Be glad you aren't doin a thread of "he hides everything and shuts the computer down when I walk in the room" ugh so this is kind of like the opposite of many of those snoopy girl threads that are posted on here. so my bf and i have been together for creeping on a whole two months now. everything has been moving pretty quickly, we spend a lot of time together etc. so i'm posting because just now my boyfriend actually gave me his email password. i am using a friend's computer at the cafe where he works and he wanted to check his email. i was already signed into gmail so i signed out and motioned to him that he could login, and he said, oh could you just do it for me? i was really taken aback and entered in his username and password and bam there i am just looking at all his email. i mean isn't it just me or isn't that pretty intimate? letting someone have access to your freaking email. i guess i'm freaking because i don't know if i can handle this level of trust. my bf is 36, i'm 28 and he just seems more ready than i am to really be attached to someone else. another thing is, from the beginning of us being together, he listens to his voicemail on speakerphone and puts the password in right in front of me. i'm pretty sure i know his ATM password too... what do you guys think of this behavior? would you consider it a red flag??
deciduous Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 He seems like a normal, healthy human being to me.. Are you meeting lots of guys on the net to hide from him?
JamesM Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 On the other hand...not to start trouble, BUT..... One could wonder at his eager "honesty." Is he really that honest or is he being honest so he can hide his dishonesty?
hollywood3453 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Be glad and celebrate and hold on because a woman like me would a man like that. No secrets, it can't get any better then that. Why do we as woman, when we get something good we don't know how to appreciate it. We try and find anything we can negative to keep that wall up to not be hurt. Let go and let him in your world. Remember you are in control of you not him. Hold onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
kdark Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I agree with InLimbo, it sounds like you are looking for trouble. Look on the bright side, now you have access to his email, his ex's email address, and his voicemail password. You have complete access to all the places to find information on him if he is doing something dishonest...
Author serialgf Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 thanks for the advice guys. i think you're right that i should just enjoy the openess... i'm actually very open and i'm used to being the more open one in a relationship... i guess i finally met my match...
prettybaby Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Well good for you lol I guess he really feels comfortable around you and doesn't have much to hide.
BoerumHill Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 ... what do you guys think of this behavior? would you consider it a red flag?? Absolutely. You have found a trustworthy soul who is open, honest, and wants to share himself with you completely. Next you'll probably tell us he practices random acts of kindness and thoughtful romantic gestures. If you are not careful, you may actually stumble onto a depth of intimacy you have only dreamed of before. Proceed with uninhibited abandonment of caution.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Sorry to tell you this but if he told her he thinks of her often, he is still into her in that way and guys will tell you their last relationship was "terrible" to boost your self esteem so you'll keep sleeping with them. Personally I'd stop seeing him. i forgot that the last email he was looking at was from his ex (they dated for 8 years and broke up 2 years ago). he had to go and he asked me to log out and just left that email open, so i read it. he told her he thinks of her often and she signed her response to him with an "xo". they had a terrible relationship and i know he's not into her that way and i keep in touch with my ex too so i'm not mad about it but i just wanted to get it off my shoulders so i don't passively aggressively take it out on him. thanks guys!
Author serialgf Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 meet 4 coffee: the fact that this woman has been abusive to him was confirmed to me by his friend over the phone and i just believe him and trust him. it wasn't just a terrible relationship - she harmed him several time to the point that he was bleeding and she also destroyed thousands of dollars worth of his artwork. the other thing is since he is so open and honest he has talked to me about her. he still feels like he needs closure from their horrible breakup and we've discussed it since my initial post. i think we're working it out
Author serialgf Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 He seems like a normal, healthy human being to me.. Are you meeting lots of guys on the net to hide from him? definitely not. i have nothing to hide from him. like i said, i have historically been the more open one in a relationship and i was just kind of surprised by this and wanted to see if people think it's okay.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 ...what do you guys think of this behavior? While admirable, he is an idiot... gfs and bfs ARE NOT suppose to have passwords. Not to emails. Not to voicemails. Not to bank accounts. I never done it and I won't do it for someone I does not have my ring on her finger and I will not take such information from her until I put a ring on her finger. would you consider it a red flag?? Na. Some people are just that open. But, if he is cunning like me... He could have a totally different life right under your nose. You know using the ole' look at this hand while I do all my dirt with the other. No it is NOT a insight into my character, but does let you out there know, I am a person who think about things and I am not some easy to read book.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Since you two are not engaged, nor do I get that you are ready to go to that level with him... DON'T USE HIS PASSWORDS! FIGHT THE URGE TO CHECK IN ON HIM! And tell him NO! That you are not at that stage to be receiving such information and that he should keep his conversations to himself. I doubt others on the opposite end know you are listening, or probably want you to be listening in. To me it sounds like me when I first tried hitting the dating scene two years ago. I had diarrhea of the keyboard and shared too much and freaked the woman off. She didn't even respond to a friendly hello email from me.
Green Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 seriously I wouldn't do it... but I do have multiple emails so there are some I'd be more willing ot give then others
Author serialgf Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 Since you two are not engaged, nor do I get that you are ready to go to that level with him... DON'T USE HIS PASSWORDS! FIGHT THE URGE TO CHECK IN ON HIM! And tell him NO! That you are not at that stage to be receiving such information and that he should keep his conversations to himself. I doubt others on the opposite end know you are listening, or probably want you to be listening in. I know I need to fight that urge and that's part of the reason i was taken aback by him giving me the password. It's like, great now i have to go around with this info and NOT use it. Talk about self-control! And about people on the other end not knowing i am listening in, that's not so. He tells his friends their on speakerphone. I've said hi to his best friend and talked to her for a bit. Anyway, I guess I'm calming down about all of this. It just feels like i'm being flung into a level of intimacy that i've always wanted but never found a guy who was interested in sharing that much. I guess if you guys don't see any red flags I can relax and just enjoy the trust.
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