He said he is terrified of losing me, then 2 weeks later he leaves me

[LadyDanger]

Ok this is my first ever post let alone thread here, so Im hoping this is in the right sub section though it could probably fit into some others too!

 

Basically, to put it in to context this guy and I had been dating for 5 months, we are both relatively young (20) and I think for both of us it was the heaviest anything had ever got.

 

We had a complete mental connection, as geeky as it sounds on our first date we talked for a good 2 hours about politics, conversation always flowed and generally both of us agreed we had never quite met anyone on the same wavelength as we both were. He said to me "he had never experienced anything like it", that he loved me and really wanted us to go places.

 

Everything was amazing, until I went to university. Our universities are about 90 miles apart, about a month into being there I noticed something different about the tone of his messages and the frequency of them. We decided a chat was necessary, he said that he was "terrified of losing me" that "we could really go places" if it wasnt for the distance, he told me he loved me and that he thought I was amazing, but we should go on a break because of his work and travelling meant that we wouldnt be able to get back on track til about february time.

 

Between then and last week, I felt things still werent right- initially we had spoken the day after the chat and we both felt we wanted each other so much that waiting would be fine. Then last week- I said to him we need to talk...and so we did (I thought something was up) and he said I think its better if we both stay single. (He was very very nervous on the phone) and I said "why is that? just the distance" he said yes mainly, and I like someone at my uni.

 

I can understand that you want more out of a relationship than occasionally seeing someone but I dont know how you go from "not wanting to lose someone" to wanting to leave them in the space of 2 weeks? Even more puzzling I said to him- do you want to shut the door on "us" now? he said yes. I said do you want to shut the door on "us" in the future? He took a long long time to answer and said "well a lot of water goes under the bridge, and you never know what happens but for the forseeable future yes..." To me the latter answer is neither here nor there?

 

Basically, Im asking why would he change so quickly? Is he confused perhaps? How long is the "forseeable future"? Is there any hope for us getting back together or should I move on?

 

Im new to this relationship lark, so Im sorry for the multitudinous questions. Also I havent contacted him since our last chat which will soon be 2 weeks ago....Im not going to text him til next week so it will have been 3 weeks. I dont want to show that im running after him, but I dont want to lose contact altogether? Is this the right thing to do?

 

If you read all of that you deserve a medal, but id REALLY appreciate some advice from some more relationship wise/savvy people.

 

Thank you VERY much

[quankanne]

he said yes mainly, and I like someone at my uni.

 

sounds like the whole LDR thing is too much for him to fathom, so he's found someone "safe" (a local girl) to focus his attention of so he could break up with you. Basically, it's the old "leave before I get left behind" thing.

[LadyDanger]

he said yes mainly, and I like someone at my uni.

 

sounds like the whole LDR thing is too much for him to fathom, so he's found someone "safe" (a local girl) to focus his attention of so he could break up with you. Basically, it's the old "leave before I get left behind" thing.

 

Ok, so do you think he still cares for me at all, or do you think he regrets his decision or not at all?

 

Where should I go from here, should I move on or try to pursue it?

[RecordProducer]

I said do you want to shut the door on "us" in the future? He took a long long time to answer and said "well a lot of water goes under the bridge, and you never know what happens but for the forseeable future yes..." To me the latter answer is neither here nor there?

Honey, this simply means one thing: he broke up with you. Move on. I am sorry.

[LadyDanger]

I know he has- and I dont want to lol. I honestly dont think Im going to find someone I like as much as him. What shall I do just leave him completely the hell alone? (We havent contacted each other in 2 weeks) or send a friendly text saying "hi hows things?" next week or something- seeing as he wants to stay friends?

 

edit: and why did he change so quickly in 2 weeks? Going from "oh i love you, cant wait to see you- dont want to lose you" to breaking up in 2 weeks?-I dont get it.

[quankanne]

again, it's because he is afraid of being left behind, so when this other girl presented herself, his brain probably thought, "OOH! Someone local to date!" And he dumped you (who are not physically, locally available) for someone who is right there in the same town as him.

 

the question shouldn't be "Is he coming back to me," but rather, "do I really want to be in a committed relationship with someone who buckles under that kind of circumstance, because he really *isn't* committed?"

 

as much as this hurts to be in this position, you're better off by just letting go of the relationship, because no one deserves to be put second. And in his case, you were put second to his fears.

[LucreziaBorgia]

 

edit: and why did he change so quickly in 2 weeks? Going from "oh i love you, cant wait to see you- dont want to lose you" to breaking up in 2 weeks?-I dont get it.

 

He wasn't into it as much as he led you to believe, apparently. Either that or this new person really swept him off his feet, so to speak.