mis6oclock Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 so my "best friend" since kindergarten is getting married to this guy that i now consider a tool( thats a whole other story in it self..). i have heard everything about what went on in their relationship and i think this marriage is a joke. she asked me to be the maid of honnor and i accepted but i do admit to slaking in my "responsibiities." I am supposed to plan a bridal shower and a bachelorette party and i haven't had time to do it. I feel bad b/c this is her big day but i think whats holding me back is that deep down inside i dont want her to get married to him. hess treated her like crap. they got back together in sept ( after she broke up with him, went away for that weekend with his bestfriend- yes, she did sleep with him...) and she found out she was pregnant. her dad wanted her to do the "right" thing and get married before the baby comes. shes only 20... now when i first heard about it, i laughed. we'll it was more of a " i can't believe this is happening- thank god im not in your situation" chuckle. i was in shock. i mean that was like the 12th time ive gotten a call were she's asking me to run to the store with her to get a pregnancy test... but even still. but i figured that shes gonna do what she wants to do and i kinda bit my tounge instead of telling her how i really felt. now im kinda regreting not saying anything. it came out in me not calling her as much anymore and i really havn't seen her for a while either. i do feel bad but i just didn't want to hang out with them- they are allways together- she can't do anything with out him. the part that pissed me off the most was that my birthday just passed- number 21- and i had a dinner planned for every one and i told her about it and she had said she already made plans for another friends birthday that night. so she didn't come to mine and i didnt' get any form of happy birthday from her. at all. but the next couple days she asked how my birthday was. now to me thats not the same as "happy birthday" ya, know? so i dont really know what to say now b/c shes acting like its nothing and is just focusing on how im sucking as a maid of honnor. i dont have time for this! i work 40hrs a week on top of going to school. she offerd to have me pass on the position to another girl and i would but im sure i wouldn't hear the end of it. i really want nothing to do with this wedding. i dont know what to do!!!!
quankanne Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 are you two up front with each other about stuff? If that's the particular dynamic of your relationship, then be honest with her. Tell her that you have reservations about this guy, and about the fact that she's rushing into a marriage to please her parents, and that you just want her to be happy ... that you're having doubts about standing up in a wedding you don't feel right about. but before you do this, first decide whether she's the person you will support no matter what bird-brained thing she does, simply because you love her ... or if being honest with her is worth potentially losing your friendship with her.
Author mis6oclock Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 no- sadly we are not upfront with eachother. we have never been. and over the years i have supported her- even when she went off wit her bf's friend. i mean i told her it wsn't a good idea at all but she was gonna do what she wanted to do. also im not sure its totally an action to please her parents- they had talked about marriage before they found out they were expecting but the baby finally put things in motion i guess. our friendship is considered one of the toxic sort. i consider it so and my parents and my other friends as well. every year we have a huge blow up like this and it is just a nasty cycle that doesn't end. i feel like im being a bad friend right now and it up sets me b/c i know how many times i have bent over backwords for this girl. she's closed-minded, two-faced, always has to be right, and extremely argumentative ( the girls got talent in that area, ill admit that. she woulda made a great lawyer).
quankanne Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 in light of that information, maybe the kindest thing you can do for her – and you – is to bow out as maid of honor. it's one thing to be really tight with someone and stand up for them to show your support because you truly love that person, and a whole nother thing to get pulled into a situation you are uncomfortable being in ... considering the dynamic of y'alls friendship, it probably wouldn't make much difference (other than being an annoyance to be told "no"!!!) if she had to find someone else to be her MOH. and no, you're not being a "bad friend" for considering or even doing this, because you have to have a true relationship to start with, and she doesn't sound like anything more than a fair-weather friend you've known most of your life. Trust me on this – what seems like a big hairy deal to have to consider at this point in your life, really and truly isn't. You're not hateful or evil for moving on and leaving behind a toxic friendship like hers ...
Author mis6oclock Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 update if anyone is interested.... got my self kicked outa the bridal shower..maybe the wedding. I sent her a text saying i get that im being a lousy Moh- its due to inexperience and just having too much on my plate to begin with..it may be best to pass it on to one of the other girls, if you say its not a problem..what upsets me tho is that you weren't there on my birthday and it was wrong for me to make it seem ok. also i never got any form of happy birthdya from you- asking how it went, doesn't count. imsure you would get upset if i did that to you. and if you wouldn't then it says alot about our friendship. she texted back: considering i never see or talk to you that says something as well. if you're too busy ill let someone else. n i told you why i couldn't come ( she rsvpd to another bday party at the stripclub that night) n that we would go out another night. and that c*nt talking sh*t,( i told my other friend what happened b/c i was pissed off at my birthdya dinner and so she just asked on my fb wall if she had contacted me or wished me a happybirthday yet) thats sweet i love it im pretty sure you're not being involved in my wedding which is bigger than being able to drink. its sad all the other girls get more excited than you ever have. ( these girls havn't seen or heard half the stuff i have between her and her boy...thats why im not that excited) so shes pretty much saying im pissed b/c it was my 21st that she missed. when it reality is just my birthday in general. and it really bothers me. but why wouldn't she wish me a happy birthday? she already wasn't going to be there. and as for her callingmy other friend a c*nt...i wont put up with that. shes waaaay outa line. like i dont even know what to say to her.
quankanne Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 for your peace of mind, close the door on this relationship. Because at this point, she doesn't sound like she "gets" it – why it hurts to not even have received a birthday greeting from someone who is supposed to be a good friend. as for the other thing, well, it's all for the best that you've bowed out of the wedding party.
Author mis6oclock Posted November 16, 2008 Author Posted November 16, 2008 i really do appreciate your opinions. thankyou
quankanne Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 now, *if* you'd like, I've got a couple over-protective sisters I can loan out to you ... you know, to slap a little sense in that chica on your behalf :laugh: just kidding ... and glad I could help a bit. No one deserves to be treated crappily ... esp. by a "friend"!
Author mis6oclock Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 i attempted to close the door on the relationship kinda of, but i keep getting text messages from her demanding why im acting distant and do i even care and she even dared to ask if i had forgotten that she was pregnant. i have this thing all typed out now to send to her regarding how i feel about everything, but i just cant send it. its kind of harsh. but i feel like i owe her some sort of explanation...and i in attempt to put myself in her shoes right now, i would probably be upset and wanting someone i was close with to be there for me. marriage is scary and being pregnant can be scary when its the first time ( im assuming. i would be scared...) and im sure shes even more emotional now..but i really just want to fastforward a couple months ahead so i dont have to deal with this right now. when her and i get like this, i don't know how to deal with her. i get to a point and lose my energy for fighting. im not a fighter.
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