melissa123 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I just cant seem to get anything right in relationships!!!! My very first realtionship my ex broke up with me saying I didnt show enough affection and that I didnt pay him enough attention. Of course I was ripped and spend months at rock bottom. Once I got clawed my way back up I was determined not to ever make that mistake again!!! So 1 year later I get a great man and embark on a mission NOT to ever stuff up again. I tried my best, I really did but this time its ends because I showed to much attention and affection. Im totally gutted that I stuffed up things again! I thought I had learnt but obviously not! I know needyness is massivly unattractive, and I tried my best not to show any. You probably already no but my now ex bf didn't pay me alot of attention (he lived 4 hours away) He would often ignore me and then just give me one word answers when I initiated conversation. Sometimes he would not txt me for days on end and he wouldn't ring because he said he was 'useless' on phones. I kind of expected a bit of conversation each day, even if it was just for 5 minutes, just to touch base and say hi hope you have a good day etc. Is this to much to expect? I just felt that if he ignored me for days then only gave me one word answers that we wouldn't get anywhere. I kind of expected a good luck before all my major exams or him just asking how they went but I never got any of that when I told him I had big exams, and it caused me to get upset. Once I sent a txt saying "goodnight, hope this gets better soon :(" Is this to much? Is it putting to much pressure on? I never bombared him, If he didn't tb then I wouldn't contact him untill about 3 days later of silence. I gave him the chance to tb. I feel like I probably put to much pressure on him by trying to get him to talk to me and he ran Once or twice it would really get to me and I would confront him and I probably freaked him out. Everything was fine to begin with but then he got lazy and stopped trying and to make up for it I tried even harder to keep conversation going and maybe thast why he ran away.. I dont know but girls would you expect more from a bf? And males would you try a bit more? Would you get a bit irrated over lack of conversation? I keep stuffing things up I really had good intentions. I just cant get it right and ive lost two great guys due to my own stupidity I feel like an absolute failure and a loser that cant get anything right!
lofi_tokyo Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I know exactly where you're coming from Melissa! My ex is an amazing person in so many ways - but one area he failed? Keeping romance in a relationship. I was not demanding either - romance to me was having a cute conversation once in a blue moon - we never did much more than that... though I made it clear I wanted more! Its not wrong to have wants and needs. If you tried hard to get the kind of conversation you needed, then thats fine. Okay, you could have done better with your ex - you could have starved yourself emotionally - SO FUN! No. Maybe your ex's were great guys, but they were not great guys for YOU! You have needs and they don't sound overbearing to me, and I am sure you will find a guy who is great in general, AND great for satisfying your wants.
norajane Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I just cant get it right and ive lost two great guys due to my own stupidity Maybe your first bf wanted more affection than you could give? Maybe HE was needy. Maybe this ex wasn't affectionate enough for you? Maybe HE was cold and distant. Have you considered it might not have anything to do with your so-called stupidity, and just that things didn't work out because neither of those guys was right for you? Keep dating. It took Goldilocks three tries to find 'just right'. Evaluate your dates and determine if they actually are the kind of guy who fits with what YOU need and want before giving your heart away. Don't try to change yourself to fit in with what you think guys want. Be who you are and the guy that sticks around will be the one who loves you for who you are.
Author melissa123 Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 Thanks for that! Gosh I feel absolutly awful today! I have woken up every morning since the breakup feeling like someone had put a knife through my heart in my sleep. I miss him an unbelieveable amount! When I say I tried my absolute best with him, I meant that I tried my best to get a good balance. I tried my best not to smother him but at the same time not to neglect him. I always tried to make him feel loved and I tried to throw some laughs in there to. I tried my best not to get mad and not to fly off the handle when he ignored me or just gave me one word answers (eg when I told him I broke my fingers all I got was 'hehe') I tried so dam hard but it just didn't work! I feel like a faiulre, this is the best I could possibly have done but its not good enough. And if its not good enough for a great guy like him then im sure it wont be good enough for anyone else either. Im missing him so much. Just want to talk to him and tell him how much I care for him. I think he feels guilty as he keeps checking up with friends to see how im doing. Ahh I just hate this so much, I had everything I wanted and I threw it all away cause I just cant get anything right You know Another thing I dont understand is he had a gf before me whom he was with for 1 year and she was an absolute b**** to him. Always saying awful things, never being supportive, playing mind games etc. I NEVER said anything along those things and NEVER would. I knew about her and that he hated ther attitude so I did the absolute opposite and treated him perfectly! So WHY DUMP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahh I just dont get it :( feel like jumping off a bridge!
YellowLioness Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 First off, if you really do feel suicidal, call a friend or family member or hotline or even a hospital. I can tell you that hopeless feeling will pass in time; a hot shower and a good book always helped me when I was feeling blue over a guy. Sad to say, I've read many good books under that pretext. You broke your fingers and all he said was "he he?" Are you kidding? That's horrible! I don't mean to sound harsh, (and I apologize if I do) but why would you waste your time on him? What an ass! He's not worth your time. Give it a couple of months and you'll see that. One day you'll meet someone that you click with, and you'll realize what it's like to be in a healthy relationship. Healthy is different for everyone, and you'll eventually learn by trial and error what is good for you and what is not. Most people in healthy relationships talk every day, fight occasionally, are great friends, and have great sex. That has just been my experience, and like I said, you may need more then that or less then that to be satisfied. It's just finding someone who is like you. Good luck!
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