emmelinerevels Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I just found out my ex of 18 months is seeing someone else. it kind of broke my heart, hes 18, im 17, hes started smoking and drinking too. i just feel like i want to look after him, but hes not mine to do so anymore. im the one that broke up with him, so why do i keep wanting him back? Its odd that while i was in the relationship i couldnt see how bad it really was until i got out of it. We were fine at the start, i dont see how things became as bad as they did. i really loved him, ill never forget some of the things he did. i dont really feel comfortable typing this; but i need someone to talk to. he raped me once; i will never ever forget the look on his face while he was doing it, a look of hatred and twisted enjoyment. it was only for a minute, but how could he look me in the eye, watch me cry and carry on? further more, why do i want this guy back? i really miss him, i think i miss the innocent of our relationship at the beggining because we kind of grew up together, i think i miss the false sense of security he sometimes gave. I really miss having someone sleep next to me...i just keep wanting to cry.
Hurtbunny Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Awwww emmeline, first of all i'm so sorry honey. You have been through some terrible things. I really think you should seek counselling or therapy about the rape incident, just because you were with him at the time does not make it any less of a crime. He did bad things to you, he wasn't right for you. You did the right thing in ending it with him. Why do you miss him? Because you loved him!! Love makes us put on the big old blinders and miss the real truth of what is going on. In essence it makes us forgive almost anything. True unconditional love forgives everything. So in a way, i can tell you are a good person in the fact that you still loved him despite all those horrible things. We all miss our ex partners at some point whether we dumped them or not. (Assuming we don't go out and get a replacement/rebound and even then we end up missing them more as the new person fails to match up to the one we loved) And we all feel that pang when they get with someone else. No matter how much of a **** they were. Its basic human psychology; we always want something when we know we can no longer have it. I think this is what you are feeling. You KNOW he was not right for you. Crying and missing someone is all part of the healing process. You WILL miss his company, his hugs and physical presence. Try hugging a friend every day or a close relative, maybe even a male friend. Sounds silly but maybe you are missing the skeleton of the relationship rather the the relationship itself. If you want to cry... cry. Let it all out. Analyse it, go through all your photos together and then get rid of them, think about the ins and outs of it. Indulge yourself. There, feel any better? Probably not, but i can guarantee at some point you will get out of bed and actually realise how bored you are with thinking about him. He meant a lot to you and it might take a while, and as some wise person on this forum already said we never truly forget about people we once loved. But we move on. In a few years time he will be firmly in that little box of nostalgia that you place other years gone by memories. You will have moved on and become much happier. Let this new girl deal with his crazy behaviour. Feel sorry for her, and glad that she is going to take his **** from now on.
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