tyler123 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 So its been 6 weeks with NC with my MM. She told me 6 weeks ago after **** hit the fan when her Hubby found out she was at my place that she wants me out of her life and her family is her priority. OK i have been respectful to that and it is getting better for me and easier each day. But I will admit since we do see eachother in AA meetings 1-2 a week it brings back memories and resentments and hurt and everyother emotion you can name.. Well the last 2 weeks ive seen her and we have gotten out of the stage of not making eye contact. We have begun to look at eachother and smile with care- and understanding. It is hard though REAL HARD but i have not opened my mouth to her - Today i actually gave her a hug that she accepted- but i have not had great serenity- i have been obsessing more today like day one- I do not feel i have regressed- because my actions are coming to the site and talking to my sponsor and not seeking more contact though my mind/thoughts have increased to do so.. in writing that i am proud of myself that I am learning to take positive action rather than negative... WOW i feel better, I do know that I am letting go in a loving way and what is meant to be is meant to be... Odds are we will never spend another moment together alone- I need to be accepting of this.. i am sure it is hard for her too, but i guess i will never truly know if I stick with the NC- I did feel it in the hug we exchanged today, but making assumptions is never good.... I guess I should be proud of her and myself that we are working are own programs and using other tools other than our feelings to deal with life... All OM/OWS should remind themselves exactly what i am reminding myself right now-- which is to let go of our MM/MW let them deal with the relationship/life they choose to go home to everynight and wake up too everymorning.. We get the gift of not getting crumbs and opening up our eyes to the notion that we are deserving of a better life/love than we have received... Yes, I am scared that she (MW/MM) will decide to divorce and she will not have the courage to contact me out of her insecurity.. AND i know i should not even think about things like that but i do
Owl Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 You're still just feeding into your addiction...TO HER. And you're getting your fix every time you go to an AA meeting knowing she's likely to be there. I'd assumed on your other thread that since you said "meetings"...it was a work relationship. So that explains the confusing advice you got from me there about working someplace else. You need to start attending AA meetings in another chapter. NC=NC...seeing her at these meetings is NOT NC. And...giving her a hug is NOT NC...its still feeding into your addiction...and hers. You need to treat being with her JUST EXACTLY like alchohol. You don't go to bars anymore, do you? Not if you're active in the AA program...because you know that being in that environment just fosters opportunity to fail. Seeing her is going to the bar for your affair addiction. And look...you've already crossed the line again, by hugging her. SEE???? Treat this JUST EXACTLY like you do staying sober.
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