Question for the ladies on NC and begging.

[emmanuel]

For the ones who didn't read my post, I have been dumped by my girlfriend 10 days ago after a great 8 years together.

Yesterday was the first night where I actually enjoy to be single, I made up with a beautiful single girl and I felt great thanks to friends taking me out.

 

Here is the strange story, U bumped into an old friend of mine, she is a model and I know her boyfriend, model also, and she is telling me they broke up after 7 years...I am in shock , they were as great as a couple than my gf and I.

I'm asking her what happened, she says that after 6 1/2 years, she felt less involved, so she slept with his friend for a few months and moved out with him.

The poor guys got destroyed, never recover and it has been 7 months.

 

So I am asking if she is more happy now...she says NO., she argue all the time, don't like her new relationship and realize that the first guy was the love of her life, her soul mate, but she won't call him back, cause she is a shame and that she thinks she doesn't deserve him anymore.

 

I am like, WTF???????? tHe guy has been crying for 7 months , he loves her, she loves him , but they are not going back together.She says he should have fight more for her, insist more, try his best to get her back...What the hell??????????????

 

Am I getting crazy on this one, does NC works, or should I call my girl to fight for her love knowing that she was the love of my life..

What do you ladies think?

 

Is that fair to run after you ultimate love or let go??????????

[lofi_tokyo]

What happened between your friend and her ex is tragic. Its terrible that it took her 7 months of trying out a new man to realize she loved her old man.

It may seem like she could just walk back, MAYBE she could, but the relationship she had with her original love would never be the same - damage has been done - and maybe thats why she knows she cannot go back. She cannot go back to the old relationship she had once, but she could try out a new one with her ex - though I'm not sure it would be successful!

 

Okay!

 

To answer your question - should you fight for the love of your life?

No. It will only push her away. Much like your friend, your ex needs to come to her OWN realization that she misses you. If you try to force it upon her, its entirely possible she'll never realize how important you were to her.

Most importantly - it took this woman you talked to 7 months to come to that realization. So don't expect any kind of instant results with your ex.

 

You need to go NC. Get stronger, get over your ex as best you can, so that when the day comes (if it comes) that she realizes you were her everything, she can come back to you happily, not with you in a state of dismay.

[melissa123]

I TOTALLY see where you are comming from here!

And I have the same issue!!!!

Everyone says to go NC and he will miss you and realise what hes missing out on bla bla

But If I go NC doesn't it just show that I have moved on? That I no longer want to fight for the relationship?

If he wanted to come back and work things out he wouldn't as he thinks I have moved on and forgotten about him.

But then on the same hand if I contact him and ask to work things out again and he says no i will be destroyed and back to day 1!

 

Another issue I have about NC is that I dont want him to forget me I feel sad everyday that he forgets more and more about me and the good times we had.

 

I hope someone answers this question for my sake to.

 

And OP I hope so much you are feeling better, I am right where you are, and im fighting everyday to stay on this earth but if we stick together we can do it!

[cherryade]

I feel the same. I'm doing NC cos I don't have any choice, but I'm scared it'll make him think I don't want him back cos of what he's done. But I do, I really do.

I feel we should fight for love, but I think the time to do it is after NC, if they try and come back. Before then, sadly I don't think there's any love to fight for :-(

[emmelinerevels]

im not sure about NC. i broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago and he has only just stopped chasing after me. while he was, it was just annoying and too needy, but now that hes stopped i just cant stop thinking about him. Its just bothering me to think that he has moved on and that another girl is with him. So maybe NC for a while, but then a little after a few months?

[Hurtbunny]

Hi Emmanuel.

 

First of all comisserations on the ending of your own relationship. Being dumped is so hard to take.

 

First of all, 6 and a half years is a long time to be together with someone. We go through a lot of changes in our lives, and it is uncommon in todays age to spend a number of years with the same person. She says he was the love of her life. But I think the fact she looked elsewhere at the time was symptomatic of problems within their relationship, for sure. Maybe they had grew apart. As I said before, It is a long time to be together.

 

she felt less involved, so she slept with his friend for a few months and moved out with him.

 

Wtf?! If you feel less involved, you bring it up, you discuss it with the other person, you suggest a 'break' from the relationship. You do everything you can to get back on track. You don't go and sleep with their friend and then move in with him. IMO the damage is irreversible now. If it was a random it would be easier to take. But not his friend. Its the lowest of the low.

 

she thinks she doesn't deserve him anymore.

 

She DOESN'T deserve him anymore! The way she ended it really put a nail in the coffin. She has broken his trust completely. I am not demonising her for leaving him or wanting out of the relationship, EVERYONE has that right. But the way she did it ... disgusting. No matter how much she says he was the love of her life he actually wasn't, she looked elsewhere.

 

Ladies how many times have you been with the 'love of your life' and looked elsewhere?/ Slept with their friend and then moved in with him? You never do because that person completes you, and they fulfil all of your needs. Okay okay, 6 years can cause people to become less full on, and maybe the spark wasn't as bright. But if she TRULY loved him, she wouldn't have done what she did.

 

Hindsights a marvellous thing. Now she has messed it up for him she realises she loves him and wants him back. But only because she wants what she cannot have. She wronged him and now she is having big regrets. She will have to live with those regrets forever. There is no going back.

 

he should have fight more for her, insist more, try his best to get her back...What the hell??????????????

 

Emmanuel, my sentiments exactly. What the hell?!?! SHE should be the one fighting for HIM - she is the one who crapped on HIM! So she should be fighting more for him and eating a big old dose of humble pie, and even then i think he would be silly to take her back!

 

If he remains no contact, then she will be forced to get in touch with him, and apologise and grovel, and rightly so. He should not contact her under any circumstances. If she REALLY wants him, that is what she will do. If she really LOVES him, that is what she will do.

 

NC does work, and emmanuel you should not break it. Let her come to you. She dumped you, she knew what she wanted then. It might be the hardest thing you ever had to do but you HAVE to stand by it. Take her OUT of your life completely. If she IS the love of your life, then she will get in touch. Trust me, she will. Just like your female friend the model will get in touch with her ex if she really loved him like she is saying she did. But if your ex doesn't, and if your female friend doesn't, then you know actually even though they regret it and they might get a bit itchy at times when they are feeling low or whatever, then they made that decision and have to stand by it.

 

Take yourself out of the equation. Do nothing. Don't wait for her. Get on with your life. What will be will be.

 

Hope this helps

 

H x

[pushforward]

I wanted to clear things up on this subject.

 

The concept behind NC is to heal yourself. Not to use as a tool to manipulate your ex. You should not put your life on hold and wait for a phone call that may never come.

 

You have to realize when your ex said goodbye. They meant it. At that time...

 

It sucks, but you need to do your best to put yourself into a better position then you are currently(heartbroken).

 

NC has a byproduct of, letting you move on. Removing your source of pain. Allowing your ex to see what life is like without you. Your ex left because they did not love you enough to stay. Plain and simple. If they come back, they may have realized that you were the one. Or are lonely.

 

I will put this in a more positive light. At one point, your ex loved you and meant every word they ever said to you. Feeling change, people change. Once they are gone. Assume it's for forever. Face your fears, it's best not to give yourself false hope and become somebody's doormat. You go NC to not be a doormat and not delay your own healing.

 

Once you have recovered and regained your logic. You will be able to re-evaluate, if you really want them back.

 

There is no way, that somebody can ever forget somebody they loved. It's impossible. Do you have a best friend that you had as a kid? Are you in touch now? Not very likely, but do you still remember them? Yes.

 

The concept is, if they love you, they will be back. If not, you will be far along the healing process and wouldn't really care.

[Purple_me]

I wanted to clear things up on this subject.

 

The concept behind NC is to heal yourself. Not to use as a tool to manipulate your ex. You should not put your life on hold and wait for a phone call that may never come.

 

You have to realize when your ex said goodbye. They meant it. At that time...

 

It sucks, but you need to do your best to put yourself into a better position then you are currently(heartbroken).

 

NC has a byproduct of, letting you move on. Removing your source of pain. Allowing your ex to see what life is like without you. Your ex left because they did not love you enough to stay. Plain and simple. If they come back, they may have realized that you were the one. Or are lonely.

 

I will put this in a more positive light. At one point, your ex loved you and meant every word they ever said to you. Feeling change, people change. Once they are gone. Assume it's for forever. Face your fears, it's best not to give yourself false hope and become somebody's doormat. You go NC to not be a doormat and not delay your own healing.

 

Once you have recovered and regained your logic. You will be able to re-evaluate, if you really want them back.

 

There is no way, that somebody can ever forget somebody they loved. It's impossible. Do you have a best friend that you had as a kid? Are you in touch now? Not very likely, but do you still remember them? Yes.

 

The concept is, if they love you, they will be back. If not, you will be far along the healing process and wouldn't really care.

 

 

Loved this post. I've been NC for 10 days already.

If you go NC just with the idea of getting the other person back, then it's not going to work.

 

Really nice words.

 

S.

[EmperorR]

so 7 months later?

 

So she had time to go see what's out there fish in the pond, and she expects after 7 months that the guy should be badgering her bothering her every second? Please

 

trust me, I tried that with my ex and it just pushed her farther apart I wish I never did, do NC for you not for your girl.

 

And who cares what they think that you moved on, what you want to call them every week just like hey I haven't forgotten you, if they really really really want to be with you they would move mountains to be with you.