kashmir Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. Last spring a group of girls befriended me who were really into me. They would always ask me to do stuff with them and would randomly show up at my room to goof around. Can't say I didn't enjoy them. They were really fun to be around. I thought they only liked me as a friend, and I was completly cool with that. Then over the summer, me and some other guys were invited to stay the weekend at a beach house with them. It turned out there were 3 guys and 3 girls (though before I went I had no idea who was and wasn't coming). It seemed to be setup to be a hookup weekend, especially because the other two pairs of guys and girls had ongoing things for each other. As the day went on, I KNEW that they expected me to hookup with the 3rd girl. The other two girls kept giving obvious hints to me, like "she was talking about you the whole way here." Thing is, I didn't care for the girl too much. I liked her, but as a friend. So that night came along and eventually the other two couples got their privacy, and this girl and I are sitting on the porch together. I felt bad, really bad, but I knew nothing was going to happen. Her interest in me was news to me that day. I thought it was better though, because we ended up having a long and deep conversation where we laughed together and talked about meaningful stuff. I learned a lot about her that night. While I didn't directly talk about what was going on between myself and her, we talked about past experiences with the opposite sex, and I told her that after my first hookup I didn't care or want to do a drunken hookup again. All seems reasonable up to this point. I felt bad, but I knew I did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, I can't say that lasted too long. Fast forward about a month later. I'm at a party at the house where a lot of these girls live (not the one I mentioned before, but she was at the party). I was feeling really happy about something dumb, getting done with a hard week of work or something, so I had more to drink than I ever did before. Long story short, I ended up hooking up with this one girl (a friend of one of the girls hosting the party) and we end up sleeping in a room in the house. It was after this party that this group of girls started to act progressively colder towards me. I'm sure it had something to do with all that I'm talking about. It took me a bit to realize it, but it suddenly hit me how much I possibly hurt that girl, if she did have feelings for me. I wasn't thinking at all at the time. I put myself in her shoes. Say there was this girl I liked who pretty much rejected me. Then a while later I see her all over another guy. On top of that she told me that she's not that kind of girl. I would be really really annoyed at her, to say the least. I'd forget her pretty easily, but I wouldn't talk to her. I admit that I was acting inconsiderate and dishonest. I want to work everything out and apologize, but I don't know how. This really isn't like me. There was a span of maybe a month or two over the summer where I had a really bad attitude, and I recognized that and put it away, for my own good and others' good. Is there any way at all I can regain what I used to have with these girls?
pr-girl Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Have you spoken with the girls at all about this?
Author kashmir Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Not at all. They still talk to me and invite me over, but I can always sense this understandable coldness they have towards me. I'd have to be pretty direct to bring up this issue.
pr-girl Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Well, I'd definitely bring it up. Otherwise, you'll always feel odd about it. If you don't feel comfortable mentioning it directly, maybe just make a comment about it in passing. Next time one of them brings up a party or drinking, say something to the effect of not ever wanting to get as drunk as you did at a party in the past (they'll know which party you're referring to.) Say that you did something really stupid last time you drank too much - and you never want to do it again. Then, never bring it up again. We all make mistakes. I've done things I'm not proud of. The people that judge you really aren't true to you. If you can't make mistakes with or in front of your friends, who can you make mistakes with?
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