sockpuppet Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I'm going to try and write this as concisely as possible but there's a lot of context. If anyone's that interested, you can read my old posts to get all that. Last serious girl that I dated, we broke up in Jan 07 but things were really "over" in late march/april 07. I'd broken up with her and had hurt her a lot with my own insecurities over her past, which I've since grown a lot from and no longer care about. I've dated since then but have thought about her a lot in the year and 7/8 months its been since we were last together. She started dating another guy, they dated for about a year and broke up this past summer. She started emailing me asking me how I was doing, we exchanged a lot of emails as their relationship went south. Basically, he was "crazier than I was" and a lot of his behavior put mine into perspective. We'd been emailing back n' forth a fair amount between then and this past October. A few weeks ago, on a random impulse, I decided to take the 6 hour drive to visit her for a day or two. She was ok with it, and we hung out. We got along great and it wasn't awkward at all. She was more open with me than she'd been since we'd first started dating and there was a lot of reminiscing. I had a hard time leaving, and after I got home we kept in closer contact. While I was there she invited me to drive across the country on a road trip with her since she was moving and had to make the drive anyways. She also said I should have stayed longer and that I should visit again. This was all very surprising to me since I'd felt like she had basically written me out of her life. At the same time I was finally given some closure since hanging out with her in that way helped me forgive myself for how I'd treated her, and I realized that even though I'm no longer in love with her I definitely remember what made me fall for her in the first place. In the last couple of weeks communication has dropped off- mostly on her end. She barely responds to my texts, and I talked to her multiple times about picking another weekend to hang out, and she didn't answer. Finally caught her real time and she said it "should be fine," she just had to look into some things and she'd get back to me soon. It's been a few days and still nothing. It is a time-sensitive deal since I have to call the days off of work. Historically I have a tendency with her to assume the worst, even before we were dating I had an impossible time of reading her and I remember the first night we hooked up, I was actually at my lowest because I was giving up figuring she wasn't interested. I've never had that issue with anyone. So I'm trying to keep myself from being neurotic. However, when she would respond to texts instantly and then for a while said nothing in response to the texts and emails regarding hanging out, it makes me wonder if I'm just missing a big hint. I want to call her out on it and just have her be straight with me but I don't want to inject drama into our new "friendship" as it is, and I don't want to let that lingering insecurity show itself. The truth is, I'm not sure what I'm planning on doing, or what I want with her. I am fine with friendship, but I know I'm drawn to her still. She's about to move across the country and I'm joining the military in a couple of months, but when something feels right I have a hard time letting circumstances dictate my behavior. I'd just like some insight from someone who may not be as impulsive as I am, someone who can empathize with her because I'm lost. It's easy to say "she's just not interested," but her behavior 3 weeks ago and while we were actually dating says otherwise. Thanks in advance if you've read all this.
carhill Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Probably better to date a local girl once you get settled into your military assignment. LDR, questionable past, and military aren't a good mix, IMO. Women can make it seem like they "like" you or things have changed, but that's just the way they deal with things. It's not necessarily their truth. Actions over the long term reveal more truth. My guess is she likes you on a certain level but feels you're incompatible. She's probably right
Author sockpuppet Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 I agree that circumstances are far from favorable for an actual relationship, and also that girls often tend to do that. What throws a wrench in that assumption for me is the fact that I've known her to act like that even when she really was interested. We were together for only a year but she and I agreed both then and now that it was extremely deep and intense.
carhill Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 You can have a deep and intense relationship and still be incompatible
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