HIS OTHER ONE Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Here is where I stand. To recap quickly I’ve been in an A with a MM for 4 1/2 years. He has been married for 10. He left his W for a year, moved out into his own house. Things were great. He met my family I met his. Last Xmas we got engaged, he had filed divorce papers and a week after the engagement he told me he was going back to his wife (read my prior post) broke my heart. It will be a year this Xmas. But yup! I went back into being the OW. He then says he has regret, blah, blah. He promised by Jan 1st. It would be over and he would move in with me. I asked him to spend the holidays with me, gave me the kids excuse (they are 16 & 18) men not kids, and they are his not hers. And that was my last straw. Two days ago I told him it was over, I could not set myself again to go through misery, hurt and shame one more time. I told him if it was meant to be, he knew what to do. I am hurting bad, I miss him but have not cried. It's been NC for 3 days now. I feel strong this time around, but I need support. What do you think he will do, would he ever come back?
Owl Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Think about this... Do you want him to "come back"? Or do you want him to come to you when he's AVAILABLE to do so? The difference is HUGE.
Shannon2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Whether he wants to come back or not, is not the issue. Of course he wans to come back..he wants to keep both. It's up to you whether you enable him to do that. If I were you, I wouldn't take him back unless he was divorced. If he really truly loves you and wants you as a permanent partner, that is what he will do. A man will move mountains to be with the woman he loves. Be firm. If he divorces and comes back then you've won. If he doesn't divorce, then you just saved yourself years of agony and wasted time.
Author HIS OTHER ONE Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Thanks Owl. No....What I mean with my question is "Do you think he will definitely leave and divorce his W and come start our life together? Or will he just stay. I don't want him back now...as is.
Shannon2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 He left you a week after an engagement, to rekindle with his wife...I wouldn't trust this man to leave her.
Geishawhelk Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 He left you a week after an engagement, to rekindle with his wife...I wouldn't trust this man ....... Is fine, right up to there.
quankanne Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 no, he isn't going to divorce his wife. If that were the case, he'd have done it long ago ... and not strung you OR his wife along for the past 4.5 years! every once in a great while, there's a poster who shares her success story of how she went from other woman to wife. While it's possible, it's not not entirely probable, IMO – for whatever reason, those particular relationships had the needed "components" to survive. One or both parties extricated themselves from prior relationships and made theirs the prime one ... they got off their azzes and did something proactive, not just wallowed in a seamy affair, you know? a man like yours most likely isn't going to give up his comfort zone (wife or dalliances) ~ honestly, why should he? His wife is ignorant of his behavior, so it's not a problem on that end, and there's *always* someone willing to be strung along with promises and half-truths to be his boink-buddy ...
Author HIS OTHER ONE Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Thank you for all your replies. This is exactly what my mind has been telling me all these years, but my heart has been hoping for a different outcome. And his W is aware of me, she has always known. I know this through other people I trust. I guess like me she hopes he'll stay with her as well. In her case she is 20 years older than him and we are in our 40's. He is just using us both, plain and simple.
wildsoul Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 He left you a week after an engagement, to rekindle with his wife...I wouldn't trust this man to leave her. Oh my, but that is unbelievably cruel. He must have been pretty convincing that you accepted his proposal before the court stamped their D papers. Somehow, you gave him the benefit of the doubt and he did the unconscionable. But this time, you have a chance to do it over. This time, you already know that your doubt is worthy. This time, you already put your foot down. You've already changed this bad situation 3 days ago. Please, don't go backwards. It reads that you've learned the lession and done the right thing. Now, all you have to do is hold firm without waffling. We're here for you!
Shannon2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Oh my, but that is unbelievably cruel. Yes, it takes a certain type of man to pull something like this off. In my mind it's almost as bad as leaving someone at the alter. This man will do major damage to the OP's self-esteem. I wonder if this guy is a narcisist? It seems like it's all about him and his W and OW are along for the ride.
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