pelicanpreacher Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 There is zero reason for you to do anything with your husband at this point for you have no devotion to him. This vacation will only amount to a paid holiday at your husband's expense that leaves him in the same position he started with...feet off the ground with his head in a tizzy. Take this moment in time to center yourself and make a decision about who you want to be with. Once done, announce your choice and let the cards fall as they may.
JamesM Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Helps if you read the whole post. Most of the post had a totally different tone. Yes you have been there...BUT.... It's an active choice to hurt other people. As you undoubtedly know...because you have been there...it is not a conscious choice so much as a helpless choice. We do things in life that we know are bad (such as smoking) yet we know not how to quit. Don't apologize or excuse bad behavior. I am not. What I am saying is that by using her as a dart board for criticisms that will do nothing for her, we tend to actually drive her from finding the solution to her problem. Please point out where you see growth in ILNY? Because I see her consistently taking the easy route... Glasses are half empty or half full. I have been told that I am optimistic. So when I see someone coming to LS and persisting, then I see growth. Someone who stays in the affair and does not echo "I wish I could break this addiction" will stay in the affair. ILNY is at that point where a decision to leave is right in front of her. Now she simply must make the choice. Unfortunately, many affairs DO only end when both parties have reached bottom, but I am hoping (that is me being optimistic) that ILNY has reached her bottom.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 As you undoubtedly know...because you have been there...it is not a conscious choice so much as a helpless choice. We do things in life that we know are bad (such as smoking) yet we know not how to quit. Not so much. I made a conscious choice to do something I knew was wrong. Something that would hurt more than just myself. Pretending that there is some cosmic force, or genetic imperative to leap into adultery is false. It's a lie, and we should all be in agreement about that. Otherwise your claiming that either 1. you did not know it was wrong, or 2. you lack the ability to choose your own actions. I am not. What I am saying is that by using her as a dart board for criticisms that will do nothing for her, we tend to actually drive her from finding the solution to her problem. Both of our perspectives are required. She needs to take a very critical look at herself as I was once forced to do. Who am I? Why am I here? kind of questions. The milk toast approach does not often accomplish this well. It is a combination of POV's which will serve her best. Glasses are half empty or half full. I have been told that I am optimistic. So when I see someone coming to LS and persisting, then I see growth. Someone who stays in the affair and does not echo "I wish I could break this addiction" will stay in the affair. ILNY is at that point where a decision to leave is right in front of her. Now she simply must make the choice. Unfortunately, many affairs DO only end when both parties have reached bottom, but I am hoping (that is me being optimistic) that ILNY has reached her bottom. In your definition Bottom = Truth. The affair will end when the truth comes out. Some people come to LS to look for agreement and sympathy, nothing more.
roadrage Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Right, here are some home truths that I don't think you're going to like to hear. Here goes.... Your husband doesn't deserve a woman like you! Your a cheater, a liar, you're selfish and above all, you're a bimbo! A stinky skank! You have a loving husband who thinks to world of you and treats you really good. And the way you repay him is by taking another womans man, playing with his mind and putting your needs and that of this bastard ahead of the person that truely wants the best for you. Your husband is being a good man by wanting to take you (and the kids) away for a holiday, and the first thing that comes up in your rat's maze is this other bloke. I bet you'd get an even bigger thrill if you could cuckhold him! Do you have any kids? I hope not.....and if you do, they don't deserve you. Kids need a good example to live by, something only your husband can give them I'm afraid. They will only learn treachery and disloyalty if they stay with you! Continuing to live a lie doesn't do your family any good, and it denies you of the thing that gives you true happiness...........MEN (plural)!:sick:
LovieDove24 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I have to tend to agree with JamesM on this one, and yes I have been accused of being overly optimistic as well. We are all sinners. We have all gone into bad situations or made bad decisions even when we wholeheartedly knew so beforehand. Even just the knowledge of it being a bad decision doesnt always make us change. We all have our own "lightbulb" moments...and until that happens I believe we could all sit here barking how horrible what ILNY is doing (which it nodoubtably is) but it still wont make one damn difference. She will find every justification in the book to continue her actions. Until she comes on here saying "I need to make my marriage work!" bullying her into doing so simply will not work. I've had to learn this the hard way myself. My father has been an alcoholic all 24 years of my life and as much as I WANTED him to just effin wake up and see how much he was hurting everyone, it simply just wont happen until he has that lightbulb moment.
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