9reenTeaEva Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 i ve been married with my x-military husband for 2 years now-ive known him for 9 years we've been dating for 2 years.hes always been someone to talk to -and hes always had the most gental touch i ever had touch me.within the last 3 years hes been abusive-and its getting worst,he just do sent care,and every action is proving ----------i dont know wat to write im just sooooo ashamed of myself for being in this problem for so long,i have no were to go and my family is either dead or dieing,i really feel alone and hopeless with life and everything,i feel pathetic and i feel like being hurtful towards myself,he makes me feel so low- i never felt this unhuman befor-unable to make mistakes becuase im afriad he will yell,or call me names,i have to explain everything,he dosent agree theres no more anything,hill shut me off,i never cheated nor have i ever done anything so wronger in our relationship-look i cant wright anylonger cuz hell get angree,so.........
Curmudgeon Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Do you have a family doctor you can confide this in? Did your husband serve in Iraq or Afghanistan? If so it's very likely he's suffering from PTSD or he could have a traumatic brain injury from the concussion of an IED going off near him or an RPG. Nothing may show on the outside but it can wreak havoc on the inside. If it's either of those he needs professional help. Following *my* war, Vietnam, we were reviled and no steps were taken to provide after care. Even to this day, 40 years later, I have night terrors on occasion from PTSD. There was also a time when I had a serious anger problem, along with drinking, which contributed to the end of my first marriage. If it's either of those problems he deserves help, yours as well as help from professionals. Please look into it or at least consider it. You might even be able to talk to him about it. There's no shame in seeking assistance.
guttedandconfused Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 First off - dont feel ashamed I can beat your record. I put up with it for 10 years before I snapped. ITs not a competition I know but its also something that other people have been through and to be honest pat yourself on the back for speaking out. I stayed for so long and put up with so much crap bc my husband - soon to be ex - is ultimately a wonderful person. I always assumed he would see what he was doing to me - killing my spirit as well as our marriage - and stop before it was too late but nobody is going to change or get help until they are ready. Angry outbursts are exhausting. If you have experienced anything else you its not only exhausting but soul distroying. My husband and I went to a MC who likened it to being a frog - put a frog in cold water and simmer gently to the boil, the frog just stays in the water until it dies. But if you threw that same frog into boiling water it would jump straight out. Before you ask - the MC didnt work. We paid with a credit card, she marked CC at the top of the application and the office took that to mean case closed. When he called to find out when out next appointment was they told us about the case closed and that we would have to go to the back of the line. read www.marriagebuilders.com - its better than the MC's we saw anyway. My husband finally got the help he needed after all this time, and I am so proud of him for facing up to his demons. However now I have to face up to mine. Second - get some help for you. By the time I realised what a state I was in and got some help and counselling, my husband had decided I had caused him too much pain and now he he feels he has to "disengage" from our marriage. I thought it was all him, and it was initally but along the way I lost myself. you cant do anything for him or yourself or your marriage when you feel where I can only imagine you do. Third - Dont be ashamed. I was and I never told my family any of this - I live about 4000 miles from them and didnt want to worry them. Now I feel isolated from them - my fault I know but its a horrible empty lonely feeling. There must be someone you can talk to though - go to your GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor. Find a woman's group. Join a gym. Get your hair cut. You would be suprised who is out there to listen. I have to say I am much more in tuned to the people around me now that I have been in the situation. The girl across from me on the bus was crying this morning - Was she in the same situation? Even just offering her a tissue was something I wish someone had done for me over the past few weeks. Keep reading this forum, its been brill for me at trying to get my head round things. I have never been as sad in my life as I feel bc my marriage is over but this forum will give you some ideas on where to go from here and prove to you that you are not at this all by yourself....Chin up.
jmargel Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Call your local domestic relations department, they are at your local courthouse. They can give you the number to help you. Here in Pennsylvania it's 'Women in Transistion'. You do not deserve this, this is NOT your fault. You can and will get out of this abusive relationship. If you are thinking of taking your life, please call the police, suicide hotline or hospital now.
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