I was STOOD up!

[Bells]

And probably the WORST kind of being stood up too. I made tentative plans with a woman to go see a movie with her.

 

She said she'd let me know what's up as we got close to the date. Well, the day before she says she was getting the "Sniffles" and "Sore throat" and said she is unsure if she'd be going or not, and would let me know the day OF the event if she'll be still going or not.

 

Me, being the skeptic I am about dating these days, said to myself "yeah right, you caught a cold and won't be able to make it"

 

GETS even BETTER....she called me today (I wasn't around to answer) she gets my voicemail and leaves a message saying she took the day off of work...and now that she's recouperated she feels well enough to join me at the movies and asked me if I was still wanting to go.

 

I said, "Sure thing", she said she wasn't quite sure where the exact location was, and said she'd call me when she got there to wave each other down or find each other in the crowd.

 

We're suppose to meet at 6 pm. Wanted to get there an hour early for good seats.

 

I get there....half hour passes. I call her...goes straight to voice mail

 

I call about quarter till...phone rings...voicemail picks up...I leave a message, "Hey, I'm here now....let me know if you need to find me."

 

Movie starts....I call her again...goes to voicemail...I leave no message.

 

Thus I get stood up. Pretty nice thing a woman to do, eh?

 

I just got home now, and sent off an email saying, "I am wondering what in the world happened to you...I called you, et cetc , you didn't call me back...what happened?"

 

I'd really LOVE to hear this one...now, I'll forgive her if say her mom or dad died or she got into a severe car wreck, that she had to be hospitalized. I can let that pass....but otherwise...there is NO excuse.

[whichwayisup]

Maybe she got sick again or didn't feel well, fell asleep and didn't hear the phone? Either way, she should have called you to cancel. Standing you up like that wasn't very nice.

 

Let us know what the outcome of this is, what she says..

[Charles1978]

Yeah don't jump to conclusions.... she probably fell asleep away from her phone. She is sick afterall. If not, to hell with that.

[Bells]

Maybe she got sick again or didn't feel well, fell asleep and didn't hear the phone? Either way, she should have called you to cancel. Standing you up like that wasn't very nice.

 

Let us know what the outcome of this is, what she says..

 

Yes, I'm waiting on an outcome...but the thing is.....the date had come and gone...so any kind of notification from her, even with an apology.....I would probably consider insincere.

 

Had she called me at least DURING the movie or Maybe had an EMAIL waiting for me when I got back home....that might carry SOME weight.

 

But, this'll be hard for her to back out of.

 

Apologizing after the date has come and gone AND back home again, will probably not carry much weight with me.

[Ocean-Blue]

You seem a tad uptight and overly conscious.

[Bells]

You seem a tad uptight and overly conscious.

 

And I have a right to be in this case.

[Ocean-Blue]

And I have a right to be in this case.

 

Perhaps, but it seems to me you analyze a whole lot. What about just enjoying things and letting go?

[konfuzd]

I don't think there's a worst kind of being stood up. It is rude and inconsiderate any time it's done. Don't worry about getting an explanation. She's not worth your time.

 

When I was dating, I got stood up again and again. I couldn't believe it. I don't understand the mentality of it all. I was raised much better than that, but it seems a trend in society now that is absolutely unacceptable if you ask me.

 

It's just a good way to filter out the losers early, just be glad you didn't have an emotinal tie to this girl before she pulled this.

[scared shy]

Is this your first date, how well do you know her?

[rod_in_gtown]

I promise I'm not trying to one-up you but this EXACT thing happened to me on Sunday. and it wasn't even a date! this was a female friend of mine who is getting divorced (no, not the height dumper) and she has a boyfriend who is also a friend but is in Iraq. In other words this was not a romantic outing or a date in any way shape or form.

 

We talked last week and she asked me when we were going to see each other, I told her that we should try this weekend and asked her for her availability. she had a wedding on Saturday and was free on Sunday so I said, let's hang on sunday, she said "movies?" I said. yes! I've been dying to go see something good.

 

So the day before I text her while she's at the wedding to see if we're still on, she says yeah.

 

So I call her on Sunday afternoon and no answer, text her a couple of times and call again. Nothing. Leave a couple of messages and even a message on her facebook.

 

It's now Friday and I still haven't heard back from her. and she's not sick or injured or disabled in any shape or form. She blew me off for no reason... I'm not really sure I want her as my friend anymore.

[prettybaby]

There's no excuse for that. She couldn't possibly be THAT sick. It doesn't take that much to send a text message at least. What she did was rude and selfish.

 

Edit: I just realized the OP is Bells ... this seems to happen to you on a weekly basis. Do you think maybe it's the way you talk on the phone that may scare them or turn them off? I'm not trying to be mean here, but it seems like this type of misfortune happens to you a lot, and I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's something you're doing wrong but don't realize. Also, most dates you mention on this site are girls you've met online, and have never actually met in real life. You'll find a lot more flakes on the internet, so that of course isn't helping.

[Bells]

I promise I'm not trying to one-up you but this EXACT thing happened to me on Sunday. and it wasn't even a date! this was a female friend of mine who is getting divorced (no, not the height dumper) and she has a boyfriend who is also a friend but is in Iraq. In other words this was not a romantic outing or a date in any way shape or form.

 

We talked last week and she asked me when we were going to see each other, I told her that we should try this weekend and asked her for her availability. she had a wedding on Saturday and was free on Sunday so I said, let's hang on sunday, she said "movies?" I said. yes! I've been dying to go see something good.

 

So the day before I text her while she's at the wedding to see if we're still on, she says yeah.

 

So I call her on Sunday afternoon and no answer, text her a couple of times and call again. Nothing. Leave a couple of messages and even a message on her facebook.

 

It's now Friday and I still haven't heard back from her. and she's not sick or injured or disabled in any shape or form. She blew me off for no reason... I'm not really sure I want her as my friend anymore.

 

Right....funny thing is, as a bit of a side note.....how we talk about the whole "friends first" thing, and being a friend is the best way to lead into a relationship.

 

But if you can't be FRIENDS with someone, then you cant' DATE them either.

 

In this case....she took DAY OFF from work just to rest and recover from her small illness, she gets BETTER, then calls me and says "Okay, I feel better now....let's get together!"

 

"And I say, okay , see you at 6pm!"

 

I've usually been tightlipped and let it pass with women that have done this with me....but, she's got her NUMBER pulled, and WILL Hear an earful from me if need be.

 

Maybe that' smy problem...I've shut my mouth and never said anything to women who treat me like crap....this time she might respect me if I lay into her, ya know?

[Bells]

There's no excuse for that. She couldn't possibly be THAT sick. It doesn't take that much to send a text message at least. What she did was rude and selfish.

 

Edit: I just realized the OP is Bells ... this seems to happen to you on a weekly basis. Do you think maybe it's the way you talk on the phone that may scare them or turn them off? I'm not trying to be mean here, but it seems like this type of misfortune happens to you a lot, and I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's something you're doing wrong but don't realize. Also, most dates you mention on this site are girls you've met online, and have never actually met in real life. You'll find a lot more flakes on the internet, so that of course isn't helping.

 

 

Well......you JUST realized it was me...so perhaps I deserve to be stood up I guess, RIGHT?

 

It had only been probably 2 women in the past month I suppose , as far as meeting in person goes.

 

Anyhow, the one woman (my Halloween date) I met in real life. This one....well....it was kind of funny, because I know her through another social networking site where people DO meet in person, but she's yet to go to one of those events (Meetup.com).

 

I have seen her sign-up and gave a greeting to her, she responded back in kind thanking me for welcoming her.

 

Once in a while, I get that email from Match.com showing "My Matches" ....low and behold I get one, and SHE's one of them. LOL

 

I say to her, "Hey, guess what, you showed up as one of my matches from Match.com!"

 

She mentions her sister was the one that signed her up for Match.com as a gift....she later brings up meeting in person at one of these Meetup events.

 

Fstfwd a little, she emails me for arrangements. I asked for her number so we coudl find each other...she said when the date gets closer to meet, she'll let me know if she can make it, and give me her number.

 

Closer it comes to the date, I email her and said if she's still on...and that she is still on for the date.

 

Day before the date, she NOW mentions she's coming down with something, and might not be able to make it...I give her MY number (since she hasn't given me hers yet) and thought ( yeah right she's sick) and left it at that.

 

About 4 or 5 hours before the event...I'm not around my cell when she calls, and she leaves a voicemail about (like I said) how she's feeling better now, and now is ready to meet in person.

 

I RETURN her call (This is the FIRST time I'm actually talking to her on the phone) we don't really dilly dally with idle chit chat....and we just verify the location, she wasn't sure where it was at exactly...so I told her...and then said see you at 6.

 

That was it...so there was possibly nothing I could have said that turned her off, since it was just a short conversation about meeting.

 

Maybe she didn't like the sound of my voice? (Which would be QUITE lame.)

 

What's ironic is, she's claiming in her profile to be a "Christian girl looking for a Christian guy"

[torranceshipman]

Oh God no, Bells,don't make the situation even worse, lol! Don't lay into her-she'll just think you're crazy. Better to move on with dignity and make no attempt to contact her. That's best for everyone and hey, it might even make her think 'whatever happened to that Bells and why did he suddenly stop chasing me'? It'll look like you respect yourself more, and tht you have other options, enough to not sit round obsessing about her....continuing to contact her after she's stood you up is fatally uncool! If SHE doesnt make the effort to apologise then she's not worth contacting at all.

[prettybaby]

Well......you JUST realized it was me...so perhaps I deserve to be stood up I guess, RIGHT?

Why so negative? I never said that or even thought it. I simply realized it was you, which reminded me of your past posts and made me wonder whether there was a pattern and maybe something more to analyze than the simple fact of some stranger standing you up.

 

I don't really believe in online dating anyway, but that's a different topic. I do think it's possible to meet great people on those sites, but you have to weed through so many fakes and flakes that the odds of you getting frustrated before a good one comes along are too high for it to be worth it.

[Bells]

Oh God no, Bells,don't make the situation even worse, lol! Don't lay into her-she'll just think you're crazy. Better to move on with dignity and make no attempt to contact her. That's best for everyone and hey, it might even make her think 'whatever happened to that Bells and why did he suddenly stop chasing me'? It'll look like you respect yourself more, and tht you have other options, enough to not sit round obsessing about her....continuing to contact her after she's stood you up is fatally uncool! If SHE doesnt make the effort to apologise then she's not worth contacting at all.

 

When I say "Lay into her" I was embellishing.

 

I will probably say it nicely like "I really don't appreciate you treating me like that."

 

Nothing crazy about that. Just simply letting her know what she did was unacceptable. No big deal.

 

Wouldn't I be showing her I deserve respect? I can gain respect by saying something, not by saying nothing.

 

For now, I already gave her the "What happened to you?" email.

[Bells]

Why so negative? I never said that or even thought it. I simply realized it was you, which reminded me of your past posts and made me wonder whether there was a pattern and maybe something more to analyze than the simple fact of some stranger standing you up.

 

I don't really believe in online dating anyway, but that's a different topic. I do think it's possible to meet great people on those sites, but you have to weed through so many fakes and flakes that the odds of you getting frustrated before a good one comes along are too high for it to be worth it.

 

Sorry Prettybaby....I was just upset by this, and realize you were just making a point.

 

Anyone been stood up by someone they met in real life?

 

I"m sure it happened alot before the internet. lol.

 

Thing is, with the internet, the person feels they have real no obligation to a "bunch of text" on the screen. They don't realize that there's a human being behind the keyboard. Perhaps they don't factor that into the equation?

[carhill]

Print out her picture and urinate on it. You'll feel better

[Ariadne]

Yeah,

 

That girl sucked.

 

Hope the movie was good at least.

[prettybaby]

I really wouldn't ask her anything or even contact her at all. That's giving her attention that she doesn't deserve. It might boost her ego on top of it; making her think that she's special enough to have a guy pursuing her like that. And you definitely don't want to give her that at this point.

 

If she's genuine and truly has a valid excuse (which I doubt), she will let you know about it whether you contact her or not. If you never hear from her again (which you most likely won't), you'll know she was waste of time from the start.

 

I'll be honest: I've never been stood up by either one (yeah, I've tried the online thing in the past lol). However, a good friend of mine (he's a guy) has been stood up several times by online girls and was never stood up by real life girls. I could be wrong, but I get the feeling it's most likely to happen to guys. A lot of girls who sign up on dating sites mainly do it to see how much attention they will get; it's mainly an ego thing. And I think a lot of them initially don't intend to meet any of the guys. And those who are on there to really meet people, well, I think they're more likely to get flakey before the date, because they're girls/women and it is a risky thing nowadays. That's also why I was asking if maybe you said something that might have scared them off? Or maybe not necessarily something you said, but the way you express yourself? Who knows. In any case, I think it's bound to happen with internet dating. So don't beat yourself up too much. It is frustrating, but it will happen a lot. So you either think of it that way and decide to continue anyway while caring less when it does happen, or you decide that it's too frustrating for you and that it's time to meet people elsewhere. It really depends on what you feel the most comfortable with.

[CommitmentPhobe]

Bells, you were told to flake on this woman before she did it to you

 

Now it's 2-0 to her and game over

 

Or... is this a different woman and you're a flake magnet?

[curiousnycgirl]

Print out her picture and urinate on it. You'll feel better

 

OMG that is too funny - probably works too.

[carhill]

Hey, it was 4:30 out here in Cali and I had that special morning feeling so there ya go. Sucks getting old

[Bells]

I really wouldn't ask her anything or even contact her at all. That's giving her attention that she doesn't deserve. It might boost her ego on top of it; making her think that she's special enough to have a guy pursuing her like that. And you definitely don't want to give her that at this point.

 

I figured I'd be giving her attention she does deserve (well, the kind of "she deserves a good "what-for" kind of attention)

 

 

This will NOT work?? You mean (thinking in terms of Sci-Fi), it's one of those deals by trying to destroy a life form with Photons and Lazers will just STRENGTHEN it as opposed to destroying it?

 

I'm printing out a picture right now Carhill (That made me laugh by the way).

 

I will line my bird cage bottom with it.

 

Okay , another question...I get people telling me to "Play the game"....say if I ignore her.....and she calls me again...and gives me a rain check.

 

Should I say "No sorry, I'm busy" and then have her at the point BEGGING me to go out with her, because I even TURNED Her down...

 

She then can't sleep at night, wondering "Bells, turned me down, I can't have that!"

 

The 2nd time she calls to ask me out...I say, "I'll think about it, and let you know"

 

Third time..I finally agree to it. By that time, she's SO turned on....she'll want me even MORE.

 

We meet, FINALLY date exclusively....get married have kids.

 

Is that how it happens?

 

Have actually KNOWN this kind of thing to happen...it ALL started out as a "game", that men finally realized they had to play.

 

Of course, this is completely hypothetical.

[carhill]

With the right woman, you don't play all these cr@ppy games. You just click and laugh at all the other dolts playing the cr@ppy games.

 

Not contacting her leaves your mind clear to accept the attentions from the right woman for you. Get it?