gtppontiac Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Im old for this question but i'm 34 shes 27 and we are kinda friends. A little background we have never hung out but talk frequently as shes my bartender and i see her weekly. We mainly talk about BS type stuff but have talked a little more in depth here and there so i know a little of here backgound. I think theres a possibility she could be interested but i am also unsure because of her position as a bartender if you know what i mean, but then again she always hugs me at the end of the night. Anyway she recently broke up =) with her cheating BF of over 1 year and took it really hard =(. When would be to early to ask her out? And what should i say. Girls / women please help me out here as i don't want to screw this up. As i've had a crush on her for 2 years and gotten to know her over the last year. Thanks in advance.
Green Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 are you specificaly trying to get girls to give you advice on this situation? First off I will drop into my usual rant of how all women are different there for a woman will give less acurate advice on how to start things with a woman they don't know. As a man who has never been in a situation as the one you've described I will tell you first that I would never want to date a bar tender for a serious relationship... Olright if you still want this girl I say go ahead and just ask her out, you've known her for two years and if you try to wait around some guy who doesn't know her situation will end up asking her out and then he'll be the guy who dates her.
konfuzd Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I was the girl in a similar situation (not a bartender), but a friend who I confided in about a bad break up asked me out shortly after the break up. I never saw him as more than a friend until one day he said to me, "I want you to give me the chance to show you that not all guys are like 'insert scumbag's name here'. Let me show you how a beautiful girl like you deserves to be treated." That line, as cheesy as it may be led to a wonderful 2 year long relationship.
Author gtppontiac Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 are you specificaly trying to get girls to give you advice on this situation? First off I will drop into my usual rant of how all women are different there for a woman will give less acurate advice on how to start things with a woman they don't know. As a man who has never been in a situation as the one you've described I will tell you first that I would never want to date a bar tender for a serious relationship... Olright if you still want this girl I say go ahead and just ask her out, you've known her for two years and if you try to wait around some guy who doesn't know her situation will end up asking her out and then he'll be the guy who dates her. I agree with the bartending thing (dosn't do anything for me) but after getting to know her and her situation thats why shes does it. Any way thanks for the responses and please keep them coming!
monkey00 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I think this law applies pretty much the same as 'dont shxt where you eat'. There's a local pool hall I go to every week and there is this waitress I'm cool with and kind of close as friends. I asked her out but it didn't really work out, needless to say I'm glad we're still cool. But back to what KMT said, I do see her being friendly and touchy feely with other guys/customers that come in too..which is why I'm glad it didn't work out..but is this really what you want in your shoes? I think if you're really interested I'd give it a shot, some things in life are worth the risk. If anything you guys could still remain friends. Just remember that if she does say yes and things don't work out..you may have to find another bar.
Author gtppontiac Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 Thanks all for the advice and wish me luck i'm going to gage it tonight and most likely ask her.
Author gtppontiac Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Okay went for it this weekend results? Basically just told her i thought see was an amazing girl and that i would like to meet her for lunch sometime gave her my number and told her to call me. I haven't heard from her and will see again this week. What should i say or do? I don't want to come off as needy and I also realize that she just broke up three weeks ago with bf of almost a year i don't want to blow this but maybe did i don't know i am very confused? What should i say to her when i see her?
lost_in_life_again Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 My advice would be to just go to the bar as usual...talk to her, ask her what she did all week. If she wasn't extremely busy and therefore had no time to call you...then most likely she's not interested. Then again, maybe she's just not ready to move on yet. Tough call, but just be yourself and if it's meant to happen, it will.
Author gtppontiac Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 I have the same thought as you maybe to early? My gut feel is that there is something there i know time will tell though anyway any suggestions on what I should say besides asking about her week and any normal conversation and such? Should I bring up the # topic? Or leave it alone for a couple of weeks? Maybe say something like i realize that you recently ended your relationship but i also wanted to let you know that i would like to get to know you outside of this place? Or something along those lines.
Green Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I think its kind of lame that you gave her your number and asked her too call you. Why didn't you just ask her out on the spot and then when she said yes get her number
Author gtppontiac Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 In hinesight lame maybe. Did I screw up maybe i guess time will tell Maybe time for damage control if there is such a thing? What should I do when i see her tomorrow?
Green Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 In hinesight lame maybe. Did I screw up maybe i guess time will tell Maybe time for damage control if there is such a thing? What should I do when i see her tomorrow? Look just put the power back in your hands it is really lame to just hand out your number and expect a girl to call you and ask you out. Just flat out inite her to go do something with you whether it be dinner, lunch, coffee... name a time and place if she says yes and get her number... try to pick her up instead of just meeting her there... if she says anything but a clear yes just give up for good
Perry Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Tell her that you are going over to such and such place, and casually invite her along, like one friend does to another. But do not give a date or time. Thay wasy she can't say she can't do it that day. If she declines, period, there's your answer. Let it go. Just keep talking to her as before, like you would do with a friend, if he or she can't make it. That way it isn't awkward, uncomfortable for either one of you. Never ask for a woman's phone number, giver her yours, or offer to exchange numbers. Set up a date. You are right there, anyway, so.... You want a date, not a phone number.
Green Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Tell her that you are going over to such and such place, and casually invite her along, like one friend does to another. But do not give a date or time. Thay wasy she can't say she can't do it that day. If she declines, period, there's your answer. Let it go. Just keep talking to her as before, like you would do with a friend, if he or she can't make it. That way it isn't awkward, uncomfortable for either one of you. Never ask for a woman's phone number, giver her yours, or offer to exchange numbers. Set up a date. You are right there, anyway, so.... You want a date, not a phone number. Thats good advice... really the only reason your getting the number is for logistics. So after you've asked her out and shes said yes then exchange numbers... but seriously as far as calling and doing all the moves... don't expect the girl to do any like call you
Author gtppontiac Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 To update, bad and good so far bad because of no call, good because we talked about misc. stuff her family, my family and the like actually talked 1/2 hour or longer and at one point she was looking hard into my eyes unlike friends would if you follow me and for say 45-60 seconds. So maybe she isn't ready to move on yet. This was last weekend and this weekend is fast approaching so we'll see what happens any more advice form the pros here? I'm 50/50 on trying to set up something, but also don't wan't to be to pushy or come off as desperate.
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