Just_dealin_with_it Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Not sure if this thread has been started already but... Just out of curiosity, anyone (like me) considering breaking NC just to wish your ex a happy holiday (thanksgiving, christmas, channukah, kwanza, etc.) even if you do not get or expect a response back? I really do not want to break NC, however I feel like if I'm not the bigger person and wish my ex a happy holiday, she'll know I am still hurting from the breakup. It just seems cold not to at least acknowledge her during the holiday season. I know she could just as easily contact me, but since I have led the way in this NC thing, I don't think she'll contact me to give me my space. Then again, maybe she doesn't care to contact me, but since we haven't spoken much in the last 2 months I really have no clue what she is thinking or feeling at this point. I also feel to some extent that I should keep things friendly; I'm not one to burn bridges since I know one day my feelings for her will change. One important note, I think she is dating someone new, which make me uneasy about making any sort of contact. It bugs me that she has started dating already but I also do not want to interfere. Just throwing this out there, I'm sure this has crossed many minds on LC, let me know how you're handling your situations (if you'd like to share).
kizik Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 My ex is dating someone new. Saw them with my very eyes, unexpected. Don't break contact just to say "Happy Thanksgiving." What will happen is that they will ignore you, or give you an unsatisfactory response. There is nothing that could make me contact her. Not even if my mother died or I almost died. Nothing. Maybe you are not as adamant about NC as I am. That's fine. But contacting just says: "Go ahead and hurt me again, if you want to."
SRV Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 -Stick to NC, you do not owe her anything anymore. -You cross those bridges when you come to them. -It bothers you that she is already dating someone else, most women already have someone waiting in the wings before they pull the rag from underneath you. -NC is maeant to make you heal and move on, moving on does not involve delving back to what was, so no messages in my opinion. Let her wonder what you are up to and life goes on.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 "Happy thanksgiving, i hope you are enjoying getting stuffed like a turkey by some new dude" "Merry Xmas, remember last xmas when we were in love and we each had our own xmas stocking full of gifts?" GEEZ, who cares if it the 1st day of the apocalypse............what are you goign to talk to these living ghosts about?! Just because its a holiday and you contact them that doesn't make you the stronger person. That makes you the needy douchebag who keeps poking his head up his ex's A**. These people have thrown us out. THROWN YOU and I to the emotional gutter. They are with someone new!, most likely, and they are spending the holiday with them...NOT YOU. Quickly, visualize your ex(the girl you loved) kissing and getting fondled by some other guy...........make it vivid and make it real for yourself Cause it probably Fu***** happened last weekend! Muscle through the holidays with your head held high, go meet someone who makes your ex look like the fool she is. Meet a keeper. Meet someone worth your affection throughout the holidays. Not some worthless scrub ghost of christmas past.
kizik Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Quickly, visualize your ex(the girl you loved) kissing and getting fondled by some other guy...........make it vivid and make it real for yourself I get your point, Sysyphus, but Original Poster - please don't do this. It will only hurt you. Instead - DON'T think of her. And don't contact her.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Its a little early for me, so I cannot say for sure, but as it stands I really don't feel compelled to break NC to wish my ex a happy anything. I'm not bitter at all, but we're broken up now, its done, nowadays hes just like anyone else I know somewhat well. ;p Not sure if that sentiment will stick, but I hope it does!
kizik Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 ... nowadays hes just like anyone else I know somewhat well. ;p Not sure if that sentiment will stick, but I hope it does! Think of it this way. Elliott Smith: [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=5][sIZE=2]"Somebody That I Used To Know" I had tender feelings that you made hard But it's your heart, not mine, that's scarred So when I go home I'll be happy to go You're just somebody that I used to know You don't need my help anymore It's all now to you, there ain't no before Now that you're big enough to run your own show You're just somebody that I used to know I watched you deal in a dying day And throw a living past away So you can be sure that you're in control You're just somebody that I used to know I know you don't think you did me wrong And I can't stay this mad for long Keeping ahold of what you just let go You're just somebody that I used to know http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/elliottsmith/somebodythatiusedtoknow.html [/sIZE][/sIZE][/FONT]
Author Just_dealin_with_it Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 Hey guys, I appreciate the speedy replies. In all likelihood I will not break NC, but I was curious what others had to say. We've been dealing and feeling like crap since our breakups, but of course we all had our relationships end for different reasons. So, I suppose our feelings on this subject may differ slightly from person to person. I know that I am not completely cool with the breakup and all at this point, and I guess that is reason enough to stay on NC. If your ex contacts you at some point during the holiday's, what are you going to do? Ignore? Polite but short reply back to them?
EmperorR Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I won't it was thanksgiving up here in canada I didn't say nothing, christmas will come I will not break it. Even if she text me first, because If I reply back, thanks Merry Christmas to you to. then she'll be like how are you etc. I'd rather not, that's life I don't wish merry christmas to people who treat me like dirt
ahhhchooo Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 When I went NC, I did a whole bunch of other things I felt I needed to do at the time to improve my life. I quit smoking, started eating 3 proper meals a day (no fast food or junk) and started working toward a running goal that I have never been able to achieve in the past. I am determined for all of these things. What does this have to do with the topic? Well, NC is like all of these things. When I quit smoking, that means I don't smoke. Period. Since I have new focus on running and being healthy, smoking a packet of cigarettes should not concern me. I don't say "well, I'll just have one packet in the holiday and then go back to being a non-smoker". I want to continue being a non smoker because it's helping me create the life I want. I want to continue eating 3 healthy meals a day. The same as you want to continue NC and treating yourself with the utmost respect. You don't need to contact your ex - ever. Doing it will only set you back. Focus on other things and contact her once you've forgotten about her. Once you love yourself again. By then you won't even want to. By then you'll attract someone better and realise you never needed your ex. That's my 2c anyway. I haven't felt this terrific in a long time. F**k my ex. She doesn't deserve my time.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Thats what I am talking about!! F*** my/your ex, she doesn't deserve mine/your time. SHe does not deserve a merry xmas. In fact, if she contacted me on xmas day I would fedex her a 5 lb. piece of coal. Thier is no reason to break NC. Thier is no reason to let them feel like they have a friend in you. They are not your friend for what they did.....maybe years down the road....but right now, they are the biggest A**hole imaginable. They are the one person you want to avoid like the plague. Of course, I am not completely healed!! I know that all the pain and the longing and the nostalgia has turned to hatred. This anger is a reminder of her piss poor actions. This anger reminds me not to call her or even THINK of hanging out with her. She was a vacuum for my energy and free will.
CaliGuy Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I don't break NC. Not for holidays, birthdays, etc unless they're crossing a boundary. Other than that, there's no reason to talk to them in my eyes.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 well said. Thier is no reason. I need these constant affrimations....I guess it is kind of sad. I need to remind myself that NC is best and she is who she is now. I can only control myself. Contacting her at any point....Holiday or weekend or etc, will only cause me to lose some form of control or power over my own emotions. Just seing her blink online for AIM makes me jump and feel nervous....talking to her is so stupid. If she gave a Sh** she would make a real effort to be in my life. SHe is awful and a poisonous person to be around. I imagine her 21 year old self reconceptualizing her life without me......... 1,2,3 he's gone...............next?! Thats what happened... I'm over her like, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,etc. Even the being hung up a little is killing me. I am better than 2 months, I still have moments of weakness and nostalgia....then anger. I am so angry at her betrayal. I can't wait until I can control that too.
pushforward Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 You need to block her on everything. Remove any type of reminders. You are allowing yourself to get angry and stay angry. How about you remove your source of pain? See her pop up on a chat program? Why not BLOCK and DELETE her. Problem solved? Starting to feel angry? Go workout? Do something positive with that emotion. Starting to fall in love again? Remind yourself of all the bad things she put you through. Starting to feel down about yourself? How about you go out and treat yourself to something nice? Miss her? Accept that you may always miss her. But, you don't need her. It's just a want. Need I say more?
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