Am I a narcissist? Or do I have low self esteem?

[ThomasX]

What an insanely opposite two choices.

 

Let me tell you a little bit about me so that you can make a decision.

 

I like my reflection a little too much it seems. But I can find things about me physically that i HATE.

 

I can be social and outgoing and get attention and friends, but it feels fake and forced sometimes. I feel like I'm putting a front on in public and it's not natural.

 

I can feel empathy for people but it more often than not takes a conscious effort. I can put myself in their shoes, but it is sometimes hard to feel their pain or understand it. I feel disconnected a lot. But sometimes I do feel for people.

 

What am I? A narcissist? Or do I have low self esteem?

 

 

I used to be able to get excited and what not. But after dating my first gf a few years ago, I started to lose all my feelings. She was very troubled mentally and I think it was a form of abuse. I think I shut down a lot of emotions and repressed a lot.. and I have never felt much since.

 

I don't know what I am. I just pray its not a narcissist or sociopath.

[Geishawhelk]

You're a normal bloke with some anxieties.

You're obviously very good looking, or you wouldn't be a model, but tbh, I haven't come across one model nowadays who doesn't have some personal issue.

 

I hate to say it, but look at Naomi Campbell. Ego the size of London, and a temper to match.

Kate Moss...... say no more......

 

(I'm afraid other than you, I don't know any prominent male models) but I'm sure you could name a few, and their neuroses....

 

I think the better-looking you are, the more expected of you it is to be perfect, the more difficult it is to be yourself.

 

There is a saying in French.

"Se sentir bien dans sa propre peau"

 

To feel great in your own skin. 'It fits perfectly'.

It's an indication of being well in both mind and body.

 

And when you're body-perfect, you'd think you'd be Mind-perfect too, huh?

Tall order.

Well, good looks or no, you're still human. You're still going to get older, and you're still going to spend life living it one day at a time.

Except you have to be careful about injury, wrinkles, having an even tan and even teeth.... do people like you because you're a model, or do people like you because you're Thomas?

 

Try to not worry about worrying so much.

You know what you could do maybe to help get your feet back on the ground and give you perspective?

Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

 

This isn't a criticism or a put-down, honestly, I'm really not trying to do that.

I'm actually trying to get you out of your head.

In the nicest possible way.

You don't need all this baggage, Thomas.

It's not necessary.

 

Your baggage - is not Who You Are.

It's just stuff.

 

If you were carrying a suitcase full of rocks, for no reason at all.... after a while, wouldn't you ask yourself just what the f--- you're doing carrying it around?

 

Same with yech-bleah.

 

Put it down for cripes sake! Who's making you carry it around all the time, without respite, anyway - ?!?

[ThomasX]

You're a normal bloke with some anxieties.

You're obviously very good looking, or you wouldn't be a model, but tbh, I haven't come across one model nowadays who doesn't have some personal issue.

 

I hate to say it, but look at Naomi Campbell. Ego the size of London, and a temper to match.

Kate Moss...... say no more......

 

(I'm afraid other than you, I don't know any prominent male models) but I'm sure you could name a few, and their neuroses....

 

I think the better-looking you are, the more expected of you it is to be perfect, the more difficult it is to be yourself.

 

There is a saying in French.

"Se sentir bien dans sa propre peau"

 

To feel great in your own skin. 'It fits perfectly'.

It's an indication of being well in both mind and body.

 

And when you're body-perfect, you'd think you'd be Mind-perfect too, huh?

Tall order.

Well, good looks or no, you're still human. You're still going to get older, and you're still going to spend life living it one day at a time.

Except you have to be careful about injury, wrinkles, having an even tan and even teeth.... do people like you because you're a model, or do people like you because you're Thomas?

 

Try to not worry about worrying so much.

You know what you could do maybe to help get your feet back on the ground and give you perspective?

Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

 

This isn't a criticism or a put-down, honestly, I'm really not trying to do that.

I'm actually trying to get you out of your head.

In the nicest possible way.

You don't need all this baggage, Thomas.

It's not necessary.

 

Your baggage - is not Who You Are.

It's just stuff.

 

If you were carrying a suitcase full of rocks, for no reason at all.... after a while, wouldn't you ask yourself just what the f--- you're doing carrying it around?

 

Same with yech-bleah.

 

Put it down for cripes sake! Who's making you carry it around all the time, without respite, anyway - ?!?

 

 

haha you are awesome geisha. Your reply is appreciated, thank you.

 

I think I became a model to try to fight off the scars of the past. When I was a little kid I was made fun of a lot and no girls showed me any attention.

 

It was poetic justice that I grew up to look like I did, I guess, and I think I cling to that too much to try to fight off the pain of the past.

 

Pretty deep, isn't it?

 

My looks are my shield and sword now, but when I was a kid, my looks were the reason I went through so much pain.

 

My mom also died when I was 9. (that doesnt relate to much here though).

 

And I was relatively normal I thought, until my first ex gf. We dated 13 months. She had some emotional problems and she took a lot out on me and kind of made me repress my emotions a lot.

 

I haven't felt much since, and thats the problem. I can't feel much. I feel like happiness is buried in me but I can't touch it.

[Geishawhelk]

Then start digging, because the only one with a key is you.

 

It's like we're all here for you Thomas. We've all got the maps, we can all show you the best route....

But unfortunately:

 

(1) There are no short-cuts.

(2) It's not an easy journey.

(3) We can all be with you - but you have to walk it yourself.

 

How much does the journey attract you?

[Geishawhelk]

Al-so....

 

Good-looks aren't permanent.

 

Good-ness is.

[bubblegum]

You described a little why you might have some narcissitic tendencies... now explain a little why you think you might suffer from low self-esteem...

[Meaplus3]

You mention you have some scars from the past. Those scars could very well have an impact on how you view yourself and others. How are you dealing with those past issues? As for NPD..it could be possible, but my guess is that your past hurts have something to do with your presant situation. Just my thoughts.

 

AP:)