thomasthekitty Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Hi, Here's my story. My partner of 2+ years had an affair. She did not come out and tell me this, I found out on my own. Some creative detective work on my part. For the last month I have had some serious suspicions. We were growing apart, but still together. I have already forgiven her, but have not been able to tell it to her either by phone or face-to-face. I contacted her family and told them what was going on. They are trying to talk some sense into her I guess. I really don't know where she is at. I need some help.
Maladjusted Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Sorry to hear about this. I think you may need to give a bit more detail about your situation. Do you know the guy, does she still want to be with you, etc.
2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 "...I have already forgiven her, but have not been able to tell it to her either by phone or face-to-face. I contacted her family and told them what was going on...." Are you unable to comminicate your feelings to her because she will not see you? Or because you are not comfortable speaking with her directly? In either case, do you really feel enlisting her family on your own, without her, was a wise choice? Does she want to be forgiven?
jwi71 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Hi, Here's my story. My partner of 2+ years had an affair. She did not come out and tell me this, I found out on my own. Some creative detective work on my part. For the last month I have had some serious suspicions. We were growing apart, but still together. Don't get too hung up on this. Seriously, think about it for a second. Was she supposed to tell you what she was doing? No. Affairs are lies and deception so try not to get too hung up on that. I have already forgiven her, but have not been able to tell it to her either by phone or face-to-face. That's because you haven't forgiven her. To forgive is to stop. You stop thinking about it, you stop talking about it, you stop bringing it up during arguments which have nothing to do with her A. And you aren't there yet. Our MC told us it takes between 2 and 5 years to heal. And even then your R is forever altered. I contacted her family and told them what was going on. They are trying to talk some sense into her I guess. I really don't know where she is at. I need some help. Tell the world. Tell her friends, tell her family, tell her co-workers. Tell the world. Its perfectly acceptable to ask them what they knew and when they knew it. If you want the R to survive, you need friends of your R - not people who engaged in the web of lies. Gather those friends of your R and work on recovery. Confront her lover. Expose him. Expose him to the world. Tell his friends and family and co-workers. Not only is this great revenge but it adds to the pressure. Pressure to end the A. A's need secrecy and the more eyes watching them both, the harder it is to find those hidden places. Now: What do you want? How does this end well for you? What does your partner want?
2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I agree completely that to tell the world is part of consequences and recovery. But recovery takes both the BS and WS to be active participants. If they arent speaking to or seeing each other...
Author thomasthekitty Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Here is some more info on the situation. She came over yesterday and started packing up some of her stuff. I told her that she could stay with me. I told her that I forgive her for what she had done. I really did not get a sorry or anything. She decided to stay with me. But that night when I was gone for work she called and said that she was staying at his house. See, she really does not have anywhere to go. So it's either his house or my house. There are children involved as well, but they both are currently with their dads for the weekend. I believe that I'm just being played for a fool. I think she just wants to be here with me when her children are around. She is running from her problems. I don't know what to do. Should I just walk away.
jwi71 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Here is some more info on the situation. She came over yesterday and started packing up some of her stuff. I told her that she could stay with me. I told her that I forgive her for what she had done. I really did not get a sorry or anything. She decided to stay with me. But that night when I was gone for work she called and said that she was staying at his house. See, she really does not have anywhere to go. So it's either his house or my house. There are children involved as well, but they both are currently with their dads for the weekend. I believe that I'm just being played for a fool. I think she just wants to be here with me when her children are around. She is running from her problems. I don't know what to do. Should I just walk away. Oh man she is making some really bad decisions. She has all kinds of options and she chooses him. I mean, dude, you asked her to stay and she still left. And she excuses it by saying "Where else can I go"? Walk. Deal breaker for me. And, for the record, here in Texas we have these things called hotels. So, she has places to go besides his bed. She chooses his bed over yours. Period. Yup, walk. No, run. Sorry to say it.
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