melinh Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I thought my guy friend liked me as more than a friend. I was so sure of it because of the way he was acting. He’d stare at me, he’d blush when we talk, he’d walk me to the library. I asked him to hang out with twice and both times he said yes. Today I asked him if he felt the same way as I did. Me: How do you feel about me? Him: I’m sorry, I only see you as a friend. Me: Oh, I was getting mixed signals. Him: I didn’t mean to. Sorry if you misunderstood. Me: Can we still be friends without it being awkward? Him: Yeah, haha. So does he really mean no? Or is he saying no but he means yes? How can I move on and just be friends with him without those feelings?
Ronni_W Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 YES...he really means 'NO'. If you could not be friends without your feelings for him making it awkward, then you ought not to have suggested your continued friendship. And if you cannot offer him that kind of friendship then, for your OWN sake, distance yourself from him physically -- no meetings, texts, calls, etc. The good news is, of course, that you asked him about it before it went any further. Even though you did not receive the response that you may have preferred, that was still a courageous and very smart thing to do, as far as your own heart is concerned. Good for you about that part of things!
carhill Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 OP, can I ask how long the two of you have been "friends"?
carhill Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 ---Quote (Originally by carhill)--- OP, can I ask how long the two of you have been "friends"? ---End Quote--- Sure, we've been friends for a year. OK, here's a bit of advice.....if you/he have been otherwise available during this past year and he didn't approach you romantically, he does see you as a friend. Perhaps he's just practicing on you, I don't know. If he was attracted to you, he would have acted on his flirtations when seeing positive signals from you and asked you out. It doesn't matter how shy he might be or how inept he might be. He would've moved forward. So, since his words are negative and his past actions (not asking you out on a date) match, I'd say move on. BTW, he sounds a bit immature in his complete lack of empathy. He likely knew you were attracted to him but still, even after a year of friendship, was relatively blunt and unfeeling.... Personally, I'd let him go. You can do better, in all departments Oh, BTW, commercial links in posts get them black-holed. I pulled your quote out of my e-mail notification. I thought it worthy of a response. ....
Dexter Morgan Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 My guess is he is telling you he only sees you as a friend. That way if you two end up getting it on, he can say he told you ahead of time and didn't lead you on.
You'reasian Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 You gave us a very short dialog between the two of you. Need more information to give you a more accurate answer. If you told him first that you were just friends, maybe he's kept it at that - if nothing else has happened, then maybe you should talk if you feel more strongly about him. Best way to do this is in person (if possible) and to have a few hours of free time and nothing stopping the two of you.
vesper16 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 If he was attracted to you, he would have acted on his flirtations when seeing positive signals from you and asked you out. It doesn't matter how shy he might be or how inept he might be. He would've moved forward. ... BTW, he sounds a bit immature in his complete lack of empathy. He likely knew you were attracted to him but still, even after a year of friendship, was relatively blunt and unfeeling.... Heh. This kinda reminds me of a situation I was in a while back, except I was attracted to one of my female friends, and did attempt (rather poorly, but I'm over that now ) to ask her out. Fast forward a year, I see her semi-regularly as we're in the same circle of friends, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still a bit attracted to her but it's funny you mention the lack of empathy, her response (to me liking her) was kind of similar, if not as blunt. I dare say she likely did like me but just not in that way. At first I thought she might have been a bit immature, also, but she has at least made an effort to continue the friendship without treating me like the typical friendzone guy, which I appreciated. In that situation, because I tend to over-analyse a lot, it's always hard to know whether you should say something or not! I admire the OP for her direct approach, usually the other person will appreciate you for putting it out in the open, even though it is awkward, but once you get past the awkwardness it's better in the long run I suppose. I think you can't go wrong with just saying what's on your mind, as long as you stay away from heavy declarations of feelings that are likely to creep them out.
4givrnt4gtr Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Well, from his straight up, no hesitation, "I just see u as friend" response, I would take it as face value. Men arent that complicated, and usually when they say no it truly means no.... Now as to why he acts like he does like you it might be because he likes the attention he gets when he acts like that. I had a friend like that not long ago...we took it very far past flirtatiousness (as in we made out), yet he still insisted that he felt platonic feelings for me only. THats when I knew he just loved the attention, and bassically was using me to feed his ego.... needless to say, we're not friends anymore.
0hpenelope Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I agree with carhill. He sounds immature - no empathy yet. Real friends don't do what he's doing. He said no and he should start acting in a way that supports his answer. When you feel that he's been using you all along because he loves the attention, you really should distance yourself from him. Sticking around might just hurt you in the long run.
9Lives Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 You are about to play YOURSELF......He SAID no....dont be a fool like some of us have done...He said NO. Accept it. If you like him for more than friends, then fallback...get your mind right for however long it takes....get some emotional distance.....dont get caught up....Looking out for you. I have been with guy like him....It has been hell at times. Go with the NO
huggies Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 That could really mean no.. or yes. Well, it depends if you have feelings for him. See how things change later on. You'll see and find out what to do next.
1bee Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 someone else said that guys aren't that complicated. they're right. if a guy says no, it's no. that is pretty weird how he acted though. i wouldn't go out of my way to talk to him then if i were you and you should wait until he asks YOU to hang out. it seems like he really was getting an ego boost from you or something. if a guy really liked you, he would make sure things moved forward. as a woman, you shouldn't have to ask the guy first if he was really into you. like someone else said, you can do a lot better. forget him.
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