life on a cruise ship

[émilieb]

Hey there!

I've been with my husband for 2 years now. We only lived 1 year together because I'm french and he is american. We've been separated a lot because we are from different countries. During my lats 6 months stay in New York we decided to get married on 09/22/08 in order to be able to make plans together. My husband wanted to live in Paris (France) in order to go to school. But before he was able to come to join me in France he wanted to save some money. As he is a musician the best option for him at this time was to go work as a pianist aboard cruise ship for a 6 months contract. Since he got on this ship he became a complete stanger. The communication was broken. It was very hard for us to communicate. But when we had the chance to talk he told me everything was fine for him and was really excited to come to Paris. 3 days ago he broke up with me (on instant messaging!) and told me he met someone else with who he could share his passion for music. He also want to stay aboard cruise ship for the next 3 years. Also he doesn't want to talk to me ever again.

I've never been living on a cruise ship. But I know that life is wonderful on ships. He is pretty much on vacation all the time. All the crew members are probably living in a dream. They have nothing to worry about, no bills, no duties, no responsabilities, no disavantages...

I'm afraid that my husband is completly out of his mind and doesn't realized what he is doing now. Plus he is bi-polar which doesn't help. I'm afraid he will realized about all this when he will be back on land. I love him so much.

What do you think about all this?

Have you been living on cruise ship? How is your life now that your done with cruise ships?

What am I supposed to do?

[taiko]

The life of a crewman on a cruise ship is not easy. There is a reason the crew comes from the Philippines, Croatia and generally countries with many problems.

[Geishawhelk]

First of all, you're still married, so him saying he doesn't want contact ever again, is completely unrealistic, because your union is a legal one.

 

isn't it?

 

One of the practical things you could do is to advise his employers about his situation. Explain he's your husband but that this issue has cropped up.

There may be clauses in his works contract that may be to your advantages. These are extenuating circumstances.

I would also certainly talk to a legal representative.

 

If he won't talk to you on his own, maybe you can get someone else to convince him.

[You'reasian]

Hey there!

I'm afraid he will realized about all this when he will be back on land. I love him so much.What do you think about all this?

Have you been living on cruise ship? How is your life now that your done with cruise ships? What am I supposed to do?

 

Sorry that you guys broke up. Cruise ships or cruiser? big difference...

[sid3]

Sounds like this someone else he has met has led him tho having made the choice that you are not the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Sorry that sounds harsh. Basically he cheated, at least that's what it sounds like. Maybe he will soon realize the grass isn't any greener. For some of the crew working on the ships, it's hard work, for others(entertainers) it's pretty easy. What troubles me the most, why would a somewhat newly wed want to be without his wife if he didn't absolutely have to be. Sure people in the military do it all the time, but that's a different story. Hope things get better for you soon.

[JennaGennaro]

émilieb,

 

First of all let me say how sorry I am for your predicament. It is no consolation, I am sure, but at least he TOLD you he found someone else. Officers, especially, are notorious for cheating on their spouses/girlfriends up until they come on board for a week or so and then they are inseparable. But once the significant other goes home, it is back to the cheating.

 

Now not everyone cheats, but life onboard a cruise ship is a lot like dorm life. You are all in this situation together. You become a family and rather quickly. The ratio of women to men is not good. The men out number the women so they are always looking to find someone. You eat together, work together, and end up sleeping together. It is just such close quarters that people get lonely and look for someone to spend time with. Sometimes this is obvious other times not so much.

 

I worked onboard a few cruise ships as part of the cruise staff (much like your husband) so I can comment on life on board. I cannot comment on the poor housekeeping and wait staff that come from poor countries to support their families, but I would think they are more faithful.

 

It's not all bad. I was single and met my future husband on my last ship. He was single too so we were not hurting anyone. The thing is, I met him just at the end of my first week. That probably seems a little fast. We have been together for 15 years. We are the exception to the rule. I have a lot of friends who developed relationships with members of the opposite sex and most of them did not work out.

 

I am not one to give marriage advice, but if your husband has no respect for his marriage vows and decided to cheat on you, why are you wasting your time over him? He will be sorry once the cruise is over or once one of them is transferred. That is the thing when you come on board. When you start, there are people that only have a little longer to go. You are rarely working the same contract as anyone else so someone is always coming and someone is always leaving. That is why it is so hard to keep a relationship. AND, unless you are married to someone on board, the cruise line is not keen on rearranging sleeping quarters to accommodate you. So chances are pretty good this will not last because one of them is bound to be transferred or their contract end before the others. That being said, if he cheated on you once, he will do it again. He will just find someone else on another ship or something.

 

Since you have only been married since September, can you get the marriage annulled? Sweetie, I would. He has no respect for you to "break up" with you over a text message. You can't tell me that this day in age with cell phones that he has trouble getting in contact with you, but that he can send you a text message? He is lying to you. When I worked on ships, we had to wait until we were in port to use the pay phone. With cell phones these days, you can reach someone much quicker. Plus, the ships have internet more readily available now.

 

And as far as life onboard being wonderful? That is not always the case. I'm not sure if your husband's only duties are to play the piano, but sometimes you have other work to do. In any event, you cruise the same itinerary for months on end. It doesn't get exciting until you reposition. There is a lot of free time, but there is also a lot of drama. It is fun for a while but there really is no hope of making a career out of it. Eventually you have to get off and get a real job. The food becomes repetitive, the lifestyle becomes repetitive. You wear the same clothes. He will be playing piano for the same acts - day in and day out. Sure it is exciting to meet new people, but you still have problems. While his room and board is being paid for, that really is the only luxury. Before you can even be hired, you are subjected to a battery of tests - included being tested for HIV. There is a reason for this.

 

I don't regret my cruising experience for a minute. I would do it all over again. I was young and didn't know what to do with my life, but I was, however, mature enough to handle the life on a ship, but once I met the man I was to marry, I left and got a real job. It worked out for us but it doesn't usually. Your husband sounds very immature to me. If it were me, I would get the marriage annulled and find a nice French man. I am American and ashamed at your husband.

 

I wish you the best of luck, Sweetie. My heart breaks for you.