Taramere Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I just wanted to pop back on here and say that Angel gave you excellent, excellent advice. You sound like a very good parent, Angel. I agree. All of that gives out the message "I'm a confident, competent adult....and I won't be distracted from the task of being in charge by these manipulation tactics." Also... Of course, he won't believe you and he'll test you out so be prepared for that. If you talk too much, or explain yourself too much, you will lose power. sounds key. Especially for someone like the OP who sounds as though she feels discouraged very quickly when a particular method doesn't work straight off the bat. Worried_angel....you mentioned using the method of ignoring your son. This link (hopefully it'll work) discusses planned ignoring in more detail, and might be a helpful reference point. Although it's from a text about dealing with autism, the advice in it is relevant in any situation where a child is throwing a tantrum. I think it's nicely geared towards parents like you who aren't confident about their parenting ability, and who tend to be easily discouraged when techniques they use don't cure the problem straight away. Edit: The link doesn't work...but if you google planned ignoring tantrums, it's the second thing that comes up ("Dealing with tantrums"). Click on "view as HTML" and the article should come up on your screen.
Angel1111 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Hey, thanks everyone. That is so nice to hear. Believe me, I made my mistakes but what's great is that we don't have to be perfect. One thing I was going to add was a response to your question, Worried, about him wanting to do and have everything you have. The bottom line to any of those things is to just say no, and maybe explain to him once (and only once) why you said no. If my son continued to push it, my stock answer was always, "Because I said so, that's why." And then I'd usually get the 'that's not fair' response. To which I'd have no comment. I know a lot of people hate that response but I refuse to get into negotiating battles with my kid. You're the boss and don't ever let your son forget it. And the truth is, kids feel WAY more secure knowing that their parents have things handled, and knowing what the boundaries are. Then they can go their merry way and just be kids. These are the things that make them feel safe and loved. Those will be your gifts to him for being a strong and decisive parent.
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