my kids a terror!

[worried_angel]

Hey,

i would love some advice about my little boy.He is a lovely caring little boy but he stresses about everything.He will be 4 in january.In asda today he stressed really bad because he was pushing the trolley an i had to take over because he was banging into people.Everyone was staring i just tried to keep calm n stick to my guns.when i got home i put him on the naughty step.He still misbehaves no matter what i do, he runs off in the street, stresses about something little until he gets his way.He follows me everywhere and wont do anything hes told.At school hes an angel.I love him to bits but i feel like crying sometimes.At night time he wants the light on all the time.Screams if it isnt on.Can anyone give any suggestions at all?

thankyou

[Geishawhelk]

Yup.

He's found a way of controlling you. In an environment where it's just you and him, he takes charge. He can see it stresses you out, but it gets him what he wants.

Attention.

 

Trust me, kids are a lot brighter than we give them credit for.

he's found a behaviour that pushes your buttons.

And you're letting him do it.

You are teaching him by your attitude and behaviour that it's ok to do this.

 

Are you with his dad?

Is it just you and him on your own during the day?

 

Google 'handling unruly children'.

Talk to the school.

get help from your doctor.

But do something before he ends up driving you round the bend.

Or you end up doing something you might regret.

If you find your child unmanageable now, wait until he gets older.

You need professional help.

I'm absolutely serious. You're getting dangerously close to not being able to cope.

[worried_angel]

thanks

ive tried the naughty step, ignoring him etc. sometimes it works but he still carries on.I spoke to my health visitor numerous times they told me to try and distract him but that only works occasionally.I would never hurt him ever.I just keep it all in n just cry my eyes out.Hes not always bad he can be so loving i just dont understand.

[Taramere]

Is there anything about your family circumstances that's changed lately? Any events that have left him feeling insecure? Here's a brief article on separation anxiety, which is common in young children - but can, in particular, be triggered by sudden changes.

 

http://www.panic-attacks.co.uk/anxiety-separation.html

 

If you think his behaviour is really unusual, it might be worth taking him to the GP (I'm assuming, by the mention of Asda, that you're in the UK). You mentioned that he's fine at school. Have you discussed his behaviour at home with his teachers?

 

Given that his behaviour at school is fine, but he acts out a lot at home, I'd wonder if something (other than his behaviour)has been troubling you. Children have a really finely tuned radar for that kind of thing. If he's picking up that you're upset and stressed about something, that might be leaving him feeling less safe. What kind of supports do you have? Is his dad on the scene? Do you have family/close friends nearby?

 

My pc is being a swine just now, so I can't google for the number - but if you check the NSPCC's website you'll get their helpline number. It's anonymous, and it's not just for children. Nor is it just for adults who suspect a child's in trouble. They can listen to and offer telephone support to parents who are stressed out, as well as offering basic advice and giving you contact numbers of local agencies who may be able to offer further support.

 

Your local Family Centre might also be a good source of support in helping you to identify and consistently apply methods that are effective in managing his behaviour.

[Geishawhelk]

Glad you posted Taramere. Hoped you would, with your experience.

 

Worried_angel, Tara knows what she's talking about.

[worried_angel]

thanks yer we have recently had quite abig change.I keep trying to reassure him.Telling him i love him etc giving him cuddles.Maybe he just needs time n to get used to things and he might settle down but hes always been abit stressy.what can i do to settle him n reassure him?

i feel like im a failure as a mother because his dad makes out hes great with him n gets to take him on holidays and stuff.When i split with his father over 2 years ago i had to move out with our son to me mums and live in the same room as him im back at my mums again.I cant believe i let his father have the house.I feel so stupid.He was secure there but his dad said he had nowhere to go.

[Taramere]

Glad you posted Taramere. Hoped you would, with your experience.

 

Well, it's a bit rusty I have to say - but thanks Geisha.

 

thanks yer we have recently had quite abig change.I keep trying to reassure him.Telling him i love him etc giving him cuddles.

 

Affection is reassuring, but careful he doesn't start feeling rewarded with cuddles for acting out.

 

Maybe he just needs time n to get used to things and he might settle down but hes always been abit stressy.what can i do to settle him n reassure him?

 

Showing a bit of confidence in him? When he's pushing the trolley in Asda, lots of encouraging "clever boy, thank you for helping Mummy" etc (while making sure, obviously, that he isn't running amok with it). Giving him minor bits of responsibility here and there that he can handle. Not doing things for him that he can do for himself. For instance, if he's had lots of toys out, it's his responsibility to put them away - not yours. Almost 4 is definitely not too young for him to be doing that, and also to be making minor contributions towards keeping his room tidy.

 

It's possible that because you're anxious about him, that can translate into over-protectiveness which encourages him to display dependency and anxiety that, from what you're saying, he isn't showing at school. Being a tad more babied than he needs to be? It's just a guess based on an instinct I get from your posts.

 

Basically, he needs to be getting a clear message from you that you're calm, confident and in control. To give him that message you need to really feel it - and that's where you might need some local supports, if you're not feeling too calm, confident and in control right now. He's also at that age where it's quite important for him to feel that he has some autonomy....ie that there are certain things he can do for himself, even if it's just putting on a shoe or taking the lead in a game you're playing with him.

 

Re the accommodation thing....It's a pity that his father is in the house and that this has resulted in such disruption for you and your son. His dad could easily get rehoused, I'm sure. Have you spoken to your local housing office about this? I'd also suggest you make an appointment with a solicitor to find out where you stand re getting that house back. It can't be easy to parent a difficult child in your own parents' house. Apart from anything else, it probably makes you feel a little bit like a child yourself again. I think both you and your son need all the circumstances possible that will make you both feel competent and confident.

 

i feel like im a failure as a mother because his dad makes out hes great with him n gets to take him on holidays and stuff.When i split with his father over 2 years ago i had to move out with our son to me mums and live in the same room as him im back at my mums again.I cant believe i let his father have the house.I feel so stupid.He was secure there but his dad said he had nowhere to go.

 

Well, his dad has the house doesn't he? It's probably a lot easier to parent a child in that environment - without your own parents watching over you.

 

You're not a failure. What you've described, in the way of methods you're using, shows how committed you are to providing your son with a loving, secure environment. But I do think you need to start looking at ways of getting your own independence back. Doing everything you can to show your son that you are a strong, decisive adult who's well capable of imposing the structure, boundaries and consistency he needs to feel secure

[Lizzie60]

Hey,

i would love some advice about my little boy.He is a lovely caring little boy but he stresses about everything.He will be 4 in january.In asda today he stressed really bad because he was pushing the trolley an i had to take over because he was banging into people.Everyone was staring i just tried to keep calm n stick to my guns.when i got home i put him on the naughty step.He still misbehaves no matter what i do, he runs off in the street, stresses about something little until he gets his way.He follows me everywhere and wont do anything hes told.At school hes an angel.I love him to bits but i feel like crying sometimes.At night time he wants the light on all the time.Screams if it isnt on.Can anyone give any suggestions at all?

thankyou

 

 

I didn't read the whole thread.. but bits and Tara seems to have good advices..

 

He's almost 4.. don't think you can solve this problem in a day or two.. this takes a lot of energy and time.. from you.

 

He could be stressed from an event that happened recently, changes in your (his) life.. it's hard to say.

 

If he's fine in school then that shows something is wrong at home.. could be you... he might feel you're not 'supportive' enough.. kids needs comfort, love, they need to be 'framed' (not sure if this is the right term -(encadré) very closely so they know what is expected from them... ALL the time... not just when you're calm and rested.. ALL the time..

 

If he needs a little 'light' at night.. that's no big deal.. pick your battles... some kids are afraid of the night.

 

You need, IMO, for a while, to ignore the 'bad' behaviour and to 'reward' the good behaviour.

 

Also.. if the naughty step doesn't work anymore.. then you need to change that.. maybe take away a 'toy' he loves for a little while... sometimes, we need to change what doesn't seem to work out.

 

It's not easy.. you need a loooot of patience with kids.. sometimes.. they're not all easy.

[Moose]

Spank him......geeez.....!!

[2sure]

Take some heart in the knowledge that he is well behaved in school. He IS capable of good behavior and decisions. So, while you arent seeing it right now at home - you are teaching him and he is learning.

 

I would never presume to offer parenting advice to anyone. I have been so humbled by raising my own !!

 

There is a columnist I like a lot. Ive also read his books and attended a seminar. Like anything - I take what I can, use what I agree with. His name is Johm Rosemond. I was helped.

[Meaplus3]

Hi Worried Angel.

 

I can relate very much to you. I have a little boy who will be 4 in feb and his behavior lately sounds much like your son's. IMO, I think this is an age where independence starts to form. I went thorugh this with my older two children at the same age and they grew out of it. I use time out's when my 4 year old acts out. I put him a chair I have called the time out chair for about five minutes until he calms down. I then ask him to tell me what he learned in his time out about his bad behavior. This works for me 9 times out of 10 because I have been consistant with it. So try some time outs. If that does not work.. telling him that he will lose T.V. Time and a favorite toy might work. Hang in there.

 

AP:)

[Touche]

Spank him......geeez.....!!

 

You took the words out of my mouth!

 

Also wanted to say that 2sure is right on. John Rosemond was my savior for quite awhile. I learned so much from him.

 

Our son is 12 now but age 3 was the toughest next to this age. They do say that age 3 is tougher than the so-called "terrible two's."

 

Hang in there. It does get better (at least until he hits 12:eek:)

[2sure]

Touche (and OP) 3 and 4 years were very difficult for myself and my daughter. I felt like we were both crazy. Also, had a lot of turmoil in our lives at the time. Still, having a game plan regarding rules and dicipline, behavior...is even more important under stress. Reading and getting ideas, help you stay motivated and fresh.

 

AND yes, Touche - my daughter is now 12, almost 13. I'm back to John Rosemond's books. If you havent read them, do yourself a favor and read his advice on teens.

[Touche]

Thanks 2sure. I haven't read any of his stuff in years. And I didn't know he had anything for teens. I must get ahold of his advice for teens. I'll have to look it up. Does he have a book specifically for raising teens?

 

One of us should start a thread on the special challenges of raising a tween and teen. It's not unlike what I went through when our son was 3. Ugh. I guess it's the hormones.

 

What's worse is that he's going through his hormonal adolescence at the same time that I'm in the middle of perimenopause!

[Eve]

Worried Angel,

 

Do you know which Teacher your Son looks up to the most? Maybe you could work together on this because I think you could do with another pair of eyes helping you out. I think that your Son is a credit to you because he has found a way to channel himself at School. Find out what he does to 'soothe' himself at School and work out a form of rewards system with a Teacher he respects or the Head Teacher. I am not in a position to advise you whether to let him know that you are aiming to speak with his Teacher or not... because School has been a safe haven for him. Have a chat with a Teacher about this.

 

Routine is important (as I am sure you know). Have time where you do the same thing every night beyond the bath time and reading routine. For example, buy two colouring books. Sometimes share a picture to colour, sometimes colour one picture each seperately from each book at some point in the evening. Use this time to simply chat and praise him for whatever he creates. Colouring books are a great way to give positive attention and aptly divert attention away from negative attention.

 

Regarding the housing issue If you are in the UK I would advise that you speak with Shelter. They are super fabulous and can guide you on your rights. It cant be easy starting again. *Hugs* I really hope that you are able to get the support of your Parents in productive ways. However, HomeStart are wonderfully helpful to Parents with children under 5 so they coudld be a good starting point - as too are Surestart who run every type of group thinkable for Moms. The Staff are always ultra wonderful too.

 

All the best Hun! It sounds as though you have great foundations from which to work from as your Son is still very much respectful of many of the behaviours you have taught him. I say this bcause of the level of resilience is he showing at School.

 

Well done you!

 

You will be both ok in time.

 

Eve xx

[worried_angel]

hey thanks every1

 

Its really hard figuring out which is the best option.Having changed his surroundings cant have helped.As for spacking ive never really agreed to it.i always thought when ur angry and u smack you could do it harder than you think.Im not saying everyone should agree with me everyone has different opinions.

 

i did get told to ignore bad behaviour and reward good behaviour.But if ignore him he carries on for ages!

 

as for showing confidence in him i do try to hes washes up sometimes n he can be so nice and soo good until i say no.Then he will stress.I dont give in but its so hard.

I am anxious about things so maybe thats not helping things because he probably picks it up.I am going to see a counsellor in december about it though because i dont want to be weepy all the time.

Great i sound nuts now.Id never ever hurt him please dont think i would.I love him to bits.

[Angel1111]

Your kid is running your life and you need to put a stop to it immediately. If you don't, you'll have a horrible, smart-mouthed teenager on your hands that you will have no control over - and it will be too late to fix it by then. I can't tell you the kind of nightmares this will cause for you and how you'll regret not getting a handle on this while he's young.

 

He needs to understand that you're the boss and that he does what you say, not the other way around. If you don't know how to get this across to him, there is a limitless number of parenting books out there for you to read.

 

After my divorce, it took me awhile to learn that I was turning my son into a spoiled brat. Don't cripple your son by making him think that something is wrong in his life because his parents aren't together. And don't buy him things out of guilt. You have nothing to be guilty about - you're living your life as you need to and he gets to tag along. As long as you see it that way, he'll see it that way.

 

What you may not realize is that by not being in control, you're making your child feel insecure and out of control.

[worried_angel]

oh kinda feel like a bad parent.its not lke im not trying.i really am with the discipline my ex doesnt help.i asked him to sit down and talk to me about what we could d but he never does.I feel like im on my own.I dont know how he handles him he doesnt tell me

[Angel1111]

oh kinda feel like a bad parent.its not lke im not trying.i really am with the discipline my ex doesnt help.i asked him to sit down and talk to me about what we could d but he never does.I feel like im on my own.I dont know how he handles him he doesnt tell me

 

You're not a bad parent - you're just like 10 billion other people in the world who weren't taught how to raise kids, and it's not something that's easily learned. Then you've got emotions and single parenting piled on top of it. Stop being hard on yourself. The fact that you're talking about your situation honestly says a lot and puts you way above other people. Our schools don't teach us anything about what I call "The Big 3": Relationships, Money and Raising Kids. It's ridiculous.

 

But despite all that, if you want your life and your child to be a success, then you've got to figure this out. If you're just dead set on not spanking him, then you had really be in control. And don't worry about what your ex is doing - learn to be in control with your son, stay unemotional even when he pisses you off, let him know that you'll walk out of a public place when he misbehaves, and he'll learn from YOU how to behave. You HAVE to get a handle on this. My son is now 18 and is a total jewel. I can't tell you how sad I would be if I hadn't turned things around when he was young. You won't get a second chance at this, sweetie.

[Angel1111]

I want to tell you about something so that you can make your own decision about discipline. I do believe in spanking but I also believe that if it's overused, it loses its impact - and it can become abusive. I could count the number of times I had to spank my son when he was small. He's a good kid and is now an outstanding young man at 18. But there is an incident that I just remembered that I want to tell you about.

 

My son was about 12 yrs old and he was getting dressed for school, messing with his hair overly much, and he was going to make me late for work (I dropped him off at school before work). I told him a few times to hurry but he just kept doing the same thing. Then I told him one last time to drop whatever he was doing NOW! I was standing by the front door and as he was walking toward me, he smarted off to me, saying something like, "I said I was coming. I don't know what the big deal was."

 

Now, it wasn't what he said, but the way he said it - very sarcastic. I remember that I was looking down in my purse to find my keys and when I heard his tone, I began acting on pure instinct. My hand went out to slap him and I didn't care where it landed. It went smack into his forearm and I'll never forget the look of shock that spread across his face. The slap was followed by me saying, in a very controlled tone, "Don't EVER speak to me like that again."

 

The interesting part was when I picked him up from school that afternoon, he got into the car, we said our hellos and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He waited a few moments and then said, "Mom, I'm sorry for the way I acted this morning and for talking to you like that." I nearly fell over. If you don't think kids have a conscious, they do. All I said to him was, "Thank you, sweetie."

 

I can be the sweetest, most gushy mom in the world, but I do have claws when he crosses the line. He crossed the line that day.

 

The boundaries are always going to be tested at different stages of their lives. I think if I had not done that when he was approaching his teens, he would've taken that as a signal that he had the go ahead to talk to me in a worse tone the next time. But what actually happened was that his respect for me grew even more. It may sound like a trivial thing but I do not like kids smarting off to adults and I don't like being treated with disrespect. Small things become large things. Look around for people you respect and who have kids you respect - and immulate them.

 

It wasn't my intent to slap my son, but I had no regrets about what I did. Now, of course, the reason that slap had so much impact was that it had been years since I had ever lifted a hand to him. It's a fine balance but you can find it. Children will always test you and you'll need to be sure about who you are and where you're going. They will hold that mirror up for you all the time. You're not always going to get it right but you don't have to. You just need to get it right most of the time. Otherwise, you'll end up letting them lead you around.

 

Anyway, just wanted to share that with you. Hope it helps.

[worried_angel]

thanks

well with the smacking i agree sometimes it can help.if my son was going to go near a fire or something i probably would.

 

One time i was walking down the street and he just ran across the road .i ran after him shouting and screaming at him grabbed his hand and marched him home.I just broke down in tears.i made him sit on the step.when he was quiet he came off and i explained why he was there.I always try to so he knows whats going on.I just wanted to smack him because he knows not to do that and he found it funny.He could have seriously got hurt.

 

What annoys me is everyone looks at me in disgust when he starts his stressy episodes or im telling him off.Its like people have never had kids or seen one throw a tantrum.I do shout sumtimes but i try to tell him in a stern voice normally and make sure he always looks at me so i know his attention is on me and not other things.He seems to say sorry alot when im telling him off but i know hes not he just says it because thats what people say.

 

The reason i want him to change now is so he doesnt grow up a spoilt brat.I know i have to do that.Im trying my hardest to be stern and when i say something mean it.Like if he does something one more time after ive told him not to i follow my actions through otherwise he will just carry on.Maybe with the things that has happened he is abit confused i know that.

I know that he is a loving little boy though i just feel that he seems to be frustrated in some way.I feel its my fault.i just want to put it right without causng him anymore pain or upset

[Angel1111]

First of all, he's too old to be having tantrums. And I don't really know what you mean by the term 'stressing episodes'. Just stop trying to analyze it - he couldn't tell you what was wrong if his life depended on it. He doesn't have the words for it. But here's my rule of thumb and stock answer - which cracks my friends up because they ask me something and then just answer it for themselves because they know what I'm going to say - "I don't care why."

 

People ask all the time, "Why did he do that?" and they spend hours, even days and years, trying to get an answer to the 'why' question. Who cares?! I mean, you can try to get to he bottom of it but it still doesn't change the fact that their behavior is totally unacceptable. 'Why?' is something I'll ask once just to hear what he has to say about it but that's about all the time I'll spend on it. Stop pondering this question. For the most part, it's immaterial and a waste of time.

 

It's good to keep this in mind, though - how YOU respond situations and life around you is what your son will pick up on. If you were homeless and wandering the streets, he probably wouldn't think a thing of it if you acted like it was the most normal thing in he world. My point is, kids will follow their parents' cue. So if something disruptive has happened in your life recently, then make peace with it so that your son feels in his heart that he is safe and things are going to be ok. That's all they really need to know. And you can't just tell them things are going to be ok - it has to come across in your actions. Kids are highly intuitive and know when their god and goddess (mom and dad) - their life foundation - is about to fall apart. Don't forget, you are his world. You are his protector. If he feels safe and respects you, then you'll have 90% of the behavioral problems licked.

 

For the rest of his behavior problems, think about how he might act in a given situation and decide BEFORE you even get into that situation how you're going to handle it. When my son was small and he threw a fit in public, I picked him up and walked out to the car to leave. This shocked the crap out of him and he asked what I was doing. I said, "We're just going to go home because it seems that you can't behave well in public. I'll just come back another time." I only did that twice and never had to do it again. Kids learn fast when your mind is made up.

 

Like I said before, there are some great books out there that will give you some excellent guidance. A couple that I would recommend are "Raising A Son" and "Your Child's Self-Esteeem".

[worried_angel]

Yer i suppose that if i make it feel normal and be at ease with the situation he will begin to aswell.Il try to calm down abit.

 

Another thing that i need advice on if you wouldnt mind is that he wants to do everything i do.I understand to a certain extent but its becoming really hard.If i had a coffee he would want one.I try explaining that he cant as well kids arent really supposed to have that much caffeine.Also if i go upstairs and get dressed he insists he does if i ask him to stay downstair he stresses and screams until i let him.If i turn a light out he screams because he would want to do it.I suppose maybe hes showing independence but its becoming ridiculous that i cant just simply turn a light off without him throwing a paddy.If im on the phone he screams to say hello.Its like he hes to be involved in everything or he feels left out or something?

 

Is this behaviour normal?is there anyway to stop it?Now i dont mean stop it altogether its good he wants to do things i do etc but i cant have a conversation on the phone without him screaming.It could be anyone on the phone after all.

[Angel1111]

Again, he's running your life and you need to put a stop to this. Whenever he screams about ANYTHING, you need to let him know that his behavior is not acceptable and you will not allow it.

 

Here's how I would handle it - before you do anything or change the rules, you need to have a short conversation with him - at a time when all is quiet and peaceful and neither of you are upset. Let him know that you haven't been happy with his behavior lately and mention a few instances that you weren't happy with. Be specific - like turning off the light, going to your room, etc. Then tell him that you expect him to improve and ask him directly if he thinks he can do that for you. If he says yes, great. If he says no, then tell him that he needs to be prepared to pay the price. If he acts silly about it, that means you've hit a button.

 

And then leave it at that. Don't make it a long drawn out conversation - he just needs to be warned that life is about to change. Of course, he won't believe you and he'll test you out so be prepared for that. If you talk too much, or explain yourself too much, you will lose power. Plus, he will start to learn that if he doesn't listen to you the first time, he'll miss out. Sucking you into lengthy explanations is nonsense and a control tactic. Don't let him or anyone else do it to you. If he gets into a negotiation type conversation with you, don't let him. End it and walk away. If he persists, send him to his room. If you back down on any of this and don't follow thru, you'll completely lose his respect.

 

Once you've done that, the next time he screams about you turning off a light, just look at him and say, "I thought we already discussed this and decided that you weren't going to throw fits anymore," and let it sink in. Then proceed to turn the light off. If he doesn't back down, send him to his room. If he's in his room, just walk out.

 

Sending him to his room is an excellent solution because it gets him out of your sight and he can't manipulate you. If he throws a fit while he's in his room, then shut the door (quietly listening in to make sure he's ok). If sitting him on the steps requires that YOU physically be there to watch him, then, once again, he's controlling you with this method. While he's in his room, you can clean the kitchen, watch TV, whatever.

 

If he is completely out of control and doesn't obey you when you send him to his room or time out, then you're going to have to reconsider your stance on spanking because the truth is he will figure out that he's got the upper hand. You simply cannot let this happen. I think this is why nature made parents bigger than their kids - because they physically can overpower them if it is necessary. There is a psychology to that that is actually perfect. If you must use it, then you must. But the funny thing about spanking is that once they figure out you'll resort to that, you'll find that you don't have to use it very often. And don't ever spank when you're angry. Or if you are angry but still need to spank him, calm yourself down first - quickly. Do NOT let your child get to you emotionally. Once again, he wins.

 

Once you start doing this, start watching his behavior closely and do not let even small things go. I found that nipping things in the bud is way better than dealing with something once it escalates. And I guarantee you that small things will become big things. Don't let them escallate. If you keep the boundaries tight, he will be less inclined to break the rules. The bottom line is if he's doing something that grates on you or you don't approve of, stop him from doing it right away. Do not question if your reaction is right or not. You're the parent and he gets to live by your rules. Parenting is not a democracy and he's not your buddy. Don't ever talk to him about your personal problems because you must appear to be strong in his eyes no matter what's going on. I've seen so many single parents turn their child into their best friend and then they wonder why the child bosses them around when they become adults. Do not get into this situation.

 

You also need to let your son know that he is now too big to be in your room when you're changing clothes and that if you have your door closed, he must knock on it and not come in unless you say it's ok. I'm not saying you do this - but I cannot stand this thing where women never clue in about how inappropriate it is to have this free-for-all with their kids where they get undressed in front of the male child, or the kid sleeps with them, or the kid has no set bedtime. I'm sure some people would disagree with me but I think it's completely ridiculous. Especially as a single parent, you must put things in place so that you have some peace. If you were married, you'd still need the same thing so that you have time with your spouse.

 

His independence is great and I completely recommend that you encourage and nuture that. But there is a huge difference between independence and disrespect.

 

As a final note, here's a good measure of how to decide how you're doing with all of this. I had a roommate once who had a son also. He was totally disrespectful of her. One day they were arguing about him going outside. He wanted to go out, she wanted him to stay in. This argument went on for about 10 minutes and then she got a brainstorm - she threw the bolt at the top of the door and locked him inside, because he physically could not reach it. She walked away really proud of herself for her ingenuity. But I was astounded by what she did and thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen. What I would've done was throw the door wide open and dare him to go outside. So, are you going to be the 'throw the bolt' kind of parent, or are you going to be the 'throw the door wide open' kind of parent? Your choice.

[Touche]

I just wanted to pop back on here and say that Angel gave you excellent, excellent advice.

 

You sound like a very good parent, Angel.

 

I want to add that although my H and I are not against spanking, I can count on one hand the times we've spanked him in his 12 years. We really haven't had to resort to that very much.

 

The important thing is the tone of voice you use. You have to mean what you say and be prepared to back it up with consequences or he'll walk all over you.

 

Our son (12) has been testing us BIG time lately but we're standing strong and united. As willful a child as he is (and always has been) when he sees we mean business, he tows the line.

 

Just stay firm but also don't forget to reward him for the good behavior.