JaydaLeah Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I've got many friends around me getting into the wedding wagon these days and it dawned on me that being married is entering a totally different life altogether. Well, at least there is a big difference being in an LDR with your SO away from you most of the time, as compared to being married and seeing each other everyday. When you are in an LDR, as much pain as it is being apart, you could actually come to terms not having your SO with you all the time. You start having your own life, appreciating times during visits and all. But when your SO returns, he/she is suddenly so "in your face" all the time. Even more so after marriage. Will it be an issue? Are there actually people who has been in an LDR for the longest time and return to find that they were a perfect couple when apart, but totally incompatible when next to each other? Then years have been wasted in the LDR... gosh, suddenly, this marriage thing is kinda scaring me. My SO told me to wait 2 yrs for him to be back. I know he wants to marry me. So do i. But there is still a chance that when his back, we might find that... we are not so suitable married to each other? Anyone been through these entire "LDR phase till marriage" could share your experiences?
Syrrah Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Hi JaydaLeah, It's a huge difference, scary and new but completely worth it all. My now husband and I have known each other for 8 years, long distance relationship for 5 years and married now for almost 3 weeks . Everyday is a new day and fantastic, to finally be on the same continent, to make permanent plans together and to see the same things i.e not having to describe places, people or events over the phone or online. I'm all for independence and space in relationships, so we both do things as couples but also as individuals. This helps us from not living on top of each other and missing the space we had whilst in the Long distance portion of our relationship. It's not always easy but communication is the biggest aspect of any Long Distance Relationship and any relationship for that matter. Hang in there, the scariest part is when the LDR is coming to an end, that's when fears, doubts and concerns are at their worst. Let me know if you have any questions or anything you'd like to know that we went through and how we coped, because trust me, we were both in the stage you're in now on lots of occasions. Stay positive and talk it out with your SO if you can. Sy
Geishawhelk Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Looking at this from a totally Feng Shui/LoShu point of view, I'm constantly being asked about compatibility and becoming used to sharing a life/space with someone. It's all about shifting energies. Whether you're moving into his space, or he's moving into yours, either space will have to accommodate the other. It's like getting the yolk and the white to fit back into the eggshell.... It's terribly interesting, but it's making allowances and relaxing. Moving close together like two puddles of water about to converge, rather than two hammers striking the same nail.
Author JaydaLeah Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 wow sy, the scariest part comes at the ending part of the LDR? LOL, gosh, im just 3 weeks into my LDR with my bf of 6 mths! and 2 more years to endure! Oh well, i should count my blessings coz so far everything has been going really smooth. We have not quarralled, not have any major miscomm or anything. Too smooth sometimes that i thought its weird. Feels like a storm brewing during the calmness or something.. but well, im not complaining. I enjoy the peace, i must say... Hehe.. I feel that the best is not to think too much about things? Don't think too much about what may happen, don't dictate too much about what will or can. (that means, I do think abt marriage, but shldn't put too much faith that it definitely will happen.. ppl change.. so we'll nv know...). I do want to marry my guy and its so sweet to know that he does too. That keeps us going. But its just that with my ex bf, we were committed to being with each other and when we broke up, i just got so disillusion. Words are cheap. So i learnt not to believe too strongly in things that have yet to happen... But there's a risk is everything isn't it? This time i'm taking the risk to love again... i do my best, and if it doesn't work out.. well.. i dread the pain, but i don't wish to regret anything either... =)
Syrrah Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Hi Geishahelk, It's completely true. lived together first then had the 5 year LDR and now we've had about 5 months, with a 1 month in between break where he had to return to the USA for the VISA to be approved, living together again. Completely different from the first time around. Understanding each others differences and merging them together is/has been interesting. Patience is a huge key especially accounting for DH's homesickness and living in a different country. Let me know if you have any other great Feng Shui advice Although I'm still waiting for the Jade plant at the doorway to produce the influx of money Joking Sy
Syrrah Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 wow sy, the scariest part comes at the ending part of the LDR? I must admit the beginning of the LDR seems so long ago, but thinking back, when he first left we broke up as the distance seemed too much. But then we missed each other and ended up getting back together after visiting again, deciding to make a go of the LDR. Sorry but thinking back (I always get sidetracked ) it was completely scary too. LOL, gosh, im just 3 weeks into my LDR with my bf of 6 mths! and 2 more years to endure! Oh well, i should count my blessings coz so far everything has been going really smooth. We have not quarralled, not have any major miscomm or anything. Too smooth sometimes that i thought its weird. Feels like a storm brewing during the calmness or something.. but well, im not complaining. I enjoy the peace, i must say... Hehe.. *Chuckling* Funnily in the whole 8 years we've never had a fight, we've had little snarky moments where we've been tired and snapped at the other or taken something the wrong way, but never had a fight. Trust me, from my past relationships this freaked me out. But I've come to realise, from having the LDR we've learnt to communicate extremely well, cutting off the need to argue and get our points across or whatever generally causes an argument. Trust me, and this was hard for me as I over-analyze everything, GO With It. Don't look for arguments, if something upsets you, talk about it, don't let it stew and simmer. LDR's are tough enough with having the other person not there to see your facial expressions to know they've upset you, when most of the time it was just a poorly typed sentence or a tired thought that was poorly explained. I feel that the best is not to think too much about things? Don't think too much about what may happen, don't dictate too much about what will or can. (that means, I do think abt marriage, but shldn't put too much faith that it definitely will happen.. ppl change.. so we'll nv know...). Definitely the right attitude hang onto it even during the tough moments. Sometimes with an LDR to get you through you have to think day-to-day sometimes you have to plan the future, visits etc or it feels like you wont get through the day. I do want to marry my guy and its so sweet to know that he does too. That keeps us going. But its just that with my ex bf, we were committed to being with each other and when we broke up, i just got so disillusion. Words are cheap. So i learnt not to believe too strongly in things that have yet to happen... But there's a risk is everything isn't it? This time i'm taking the risk to love again... i do my best, and if it doesn't work out.. well.. i dread the pain, but i don't wish to regret anything either... =) Don't regret, life is too short I say, enjoy every moment, don't think about the end, be it the end of the relationship or the LDR and he's moving back until it's closer as this can cause it's own set of problems i.e finding it too hard, taking the easier route to break up. When I think of all the times I thought these thoughts and almost ended what is and has been the best relationship I wish I'd had someone to tell me to Not Do It. Also glad I have a sane DH that is great for calming me down and rationalising everything . You're lucky as you wont have the VISA nightmares to live through which I think is what made this last two years the worst. Lots of stress, fear and so many other emotions that it made everyday scary. So you shouldn't have that. Mostly it's the finally being back together, will it be the same as before, have we changed while apart kind of scary for you, we had that too, but save that seriously until the last 4 months of your LDR if you can... Ok I've typed heaps and I don't want to overwhelm you, just remember communication and trust. With those two things you'll fly through the 2 years I hope this helps you some please ask anything and I'll try to get back to you quickly Sy
Syrrah Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Geishawhelk, Sorry I have this habit on the laptop of hitting the touchpad and randomly removing letters or typing new sentences in the middle of previous one. I couldn't edit sorry Sy
Author JaydaLeah Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 Hey sy, Thanks alot for yur replies... i appreciate it alot! Its always nice and encouraging to hear from someone who has been through and survived it. =) I guess sometimes it helps to have a "heck care" attitude? For example, his phone connection was really bad today and we couldn't get to chat on the phone. I was tired and had a hard time cleaning up my room after a gruesome killing of a roach ( this sounds weird, but im not kidding, i freaked out at that roach!)... so at the end, i felt a tinge of unhappiness, but i really couldn't care less. I mean, since its the fact that we wont get to chat, what's the pt of getting so upset? So in the end he text me and said he's gonna sleep coz its getting late.. and i texted back saying gd night too, sounding like im all ok about it. I am a person who tend to keep my unhappiness for as much as i can take before i let it out or talk it through. Coz' i dun want to make a fuss out of a small issue. Its easy now coz we are apart and he is not here to see my crestfallen face. But when we are beside each other, im sure its easier to spark an argument. I know i am considered blessed compared to other LDRs coz i still get to chat with him on the ph, i get to text him if connection is bad... and thank God, no VISA issues (for now at least).. but nonetheless, we are still apart. And the ph connect is really bad, sometimes i dont feel like chatting on the ph coz.. we just cant talk properly. His internet connection is bad too! and we keep getting d/c when skyping. But well, better than none yeah. Hehe... p/s: geisha, thanks for your reply too! Haha, though im not a believer of fengshui... hehe...
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