CGrace44 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I have been dating this guy for about 2 weeks and I like him a lot, but he keeps making other plans on nights that we plan on hanging out. For example: Last Monday we planned on hanging out on Thursday to watch a movie, be cute and couple-y, and then he was planning on spending the night. I had class until 7 and so I called him on Thursday after my class and he said that he had some homework to finish and then he promised a friend of his that he would grab a drink with him. I am not a needy girl. I like alone time and I like spending time with my girls so I can respect that just fine. We texted throughout the night and he apologized that it was taking that long and said he would be over around 12. Finally, at 2 (when the bar was closing) he wanted to know if he could come over. My roommate urged me to be strong and say no because if I didn't then he would think that this behavior was acceptable so I told him that the night was pretty much over and that we should just hang out another night. Then this past Monday, he asked me out to dinner and I was hoping that we would hang out after dinner as well. He mentioned in the car though that he had plans for after our dinner to watch Monday Night Football with his friends, but wanted to know if he could hang out with me after... Is it wrong that I am annoyed/upset that he is making other plans on nights that we plan to hang out together? I feel like we haven't been together long enough that I should be getting jealous of him spending time with his friends instead of me, but is this ridiculous or what??
Geishawhelk Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 don't make any more plans. Let him plan something, then tell him a bit later that you've made plans for that evening and you'll catch up with him. see how he likes it......
torranceshipman Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I think he's acting a bit booty-call ish and he doesn't sound very mature-he's not treating you with much respect (he effectively cancels on you late, then hooks up with buddies, then expects to come over late to sleep with you?-the boys got class! NOT!) I think you should just tell him its not cool the way he's acting and then be kinda nonchalant and dont really contact him, and let him do the running. If he doesnt do any running, then he wasnt worth havin in the first place!
O'Malley Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 When someone is truly interested in you, they don't flip flop about plans, especially during the initial stages of dating. He's not compatible with what you want and I don't think he's as interested in you as you are in him.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I would be annoyed with this too. You have only been dating him for two weeks so maybe he is trying not to come on too strong. Maybe he thinks you don't care because you are letting it happen? If it really bothers you then you should mention something to him like: "Hey, I really like spending time with you, do you think we could have a night with it just being "us?" I have plans with my friends tommorrow night so I would like it if we could just spend this night together and then go out with our friends tommorrow." If he says no that he doesn't want to do that, most likely he isn't into you.
Author CGrace44 Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 Where things get complicated with this whole thing is that he dated a friend of mine for about a year and I dated a friend of his for a little over a year. We kind of just fell into this and we wanted to see if things between us would work/not work before we brought in the judgment/opinions of all of our friends into the mix, so together, we decided to keep this between us for now. We still go out to eat publicly, were just not making it known to people in our close group that we are dating so I'm not sure if these other plans of his is just to keep suspicions low, like if his friends expect him to hang out with them and he didn't then they would know something is up...i don't know, thats just a theory.
Charles1978 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 It's only been two weeks. Relationships build up to the point that you are both spending more time together. Usually doesn't happen right in the beginning. He's transitioning from his single life to a relationship with you. I'd say give it more time, and give him a chance. Two weeks is nothing. Be patient. Or heck... go watch MNF with him and his friends in the future. The best relationships are those when two people with their own lives mesh together effortlessly. Both partners can still do their own thing and be happy. It's hard to find, but it does exist. And BTW, your theory is probably pretty accurate.
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