Am I dumb or is my wife controlling?

[moonmosaic]

My son was 8 when I remarried and I had joint custody so he spent half-time with us. How would I feel if my wife said "I made us dinner but nothing for your son since he's not mine"?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Failure to provide food for a child in you care counts as negligence and punishable under criminal law because without nourishment we die. I have not heard of kids dying from not watching cable tv.

[Mr. Lucky]

Failure to provide food for a child in you care counts as negligence and punishable under criminal law because without nourishment we die. I have not heard of kids dying from not watching cable tv.

Well, like most responsible parents, I would have intervened before rigor mortis set in.

 

If you've been part of a second marriage with step kids, you know that there are shared responsibilites, financial and otherwise. To act differently is to begin to prepare yourself for a third marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[OTgirl]

I think the OP needs to see a counselor.

[soserious1]

This woman had children in a PRIOR relationship.. she didn't have those kids as result of cheating on the OP and unless she deceived him by failing to tell him she had 3 kids prior to marrying this guy I think all this talk of a bread and water lifestyle is really over the line.

 

Those 3 kids aren't just small interlopers who deprieve you of things you want because they insist on eating,those kids are half brothers and sisters to your new baby OP, they are related to your child!

 

You go on about the expensive 4 bedroom house....

 

1 master bedroom for yourself and wife

 

1 room that YOU use as a studio

 

that leaves 2 bedrooms for 4 kids.. depending on the size of those bedrooms and the ages and sexes of the kids.. that's 2 kids per bedroom.. not a lavish

situation.

 

A 40% custody split probably can/does result in her kids actually being there

close to 50% of the time.. your home is their second home, nobody's going to want to spend close to 2 weeks per month on a sleeping bag on the floor

with no place to put their stuff.

 

My suggestions?

 

You guys need counseling for starters, I'd look at the fiscal options next.

 

1. can your wife pick up a job,even part time to bring in some money.. you can be at home caring for your baby while she works..many people work opposing shifts while kids are young to avoid placing their infants with strangers and to save money. Your wife will get a first hand look at how hard your role as bread winner is and you'll get a look at how hard her role as baby care provider is.. along with some muchly needed extra income both of you will get walloping big doses of empathy for each other's situations.. a good thing imho.

 

How old are the kids and what sexes? would it be possible to move to a 3 bedroom place that was cheaper provided the bedrooms were good sized? Would you and your wife be willing to sleep in a smaller bedroom so that you can bunk 2-3 kids in a master bedroom? Can you rent a place that's smaller but that has a semi-finished basement or attic that you could use for your office space?

 

 

There's a lot that can happen if you stop using your energy to hate on each other and start using it to get creative with fiscal resources.

[ChayaChaya]

You are an instructor and a studio musician? Certainly a viable way to earn a living.

 

Indeed, I have always encouraged him to continue in his music. He's gifted! I have just said that, since he only teaches 12-15 hours a week, he should get a part-time job or let me work a part-time job.

 

Why does this woman not have primary custody of her other 3 children?

 

Because when the child custody agreement was arranged, I was putting myself through full-time college (and I mean, up to 22 hours a time) and working one to three part-time jobs on the side. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made but I had to realize that their dad's house was, at that time, a more stable environment for them to be in. Our agreement was that when I graduated we would rework the arrangement. That's in progress now.

 

Why on earth is she not working???

 

Notice how he didn't answer this. That's because he won't LET me work. He has said that a baby should have a full-time parent at home and pressured me repeatedly to quit my part-time job. When I refused, he said I love my job more than my family. I currently work five hours a week or less and he has never failed to complain how it "ruins" his day and how he can't get done what he wants if he has to stay home with the baby. There has never been a single shift he has not complained about. I can't tell you how many times I have offered to work full-time so he can stay home and work on his music; my only stipulation is that one of us needs to be working. No one can support a family on 15 hours of work per week; that isn't his fault. He makes a great income per hour, but there aren't enough hours.

 

Her other 3 children do not live with her full time. So, she doesnt have that responsibility.

Excuse me? My children aren't my responsibility? I think I've misunderstood you here.

 

She doesn't work and is not inclined to

The SECOND my husband relented I applied for a second part-time job and contacted my primary job to open my availability. I would rather be home with our daughter, but income has to be enough to cover rent and utilities, at least. I will and always have provided for my children no matter the hardship.

 

and clearly she feels getting pregnant again was not her responsibility.

How is that clear? It is absolutely as much my responsibility as it is his, even if I did want to use protection and he didn't. It wouldn't have mattered how much he pressured me not to, because in the end, I consented. The only way it could possibly have not been my responsibility is if I had been raped, which I definitely was not.

[ChayaChaya]

Call the cable company and cut off service TODAY.

 

Done! We were actually under a bundle agreement-- phone, internet, and cable-- that was much cheaper bundled than separate. I did call at one point to discuss cancelling one of the services and they told me it would be MORE expensive to do so! ($99 for all three, around $60 a piece for individual services). As soon as that offer ended we cancelled the cable, per my husband's wishes. It was only costing $33/mo.

 

If she asks you why youre drinking another soda

I didn't ask. He has a right to drink as much soda as he pleases whenever he wants, as long as it's not harming his family. (It wasn't.)