letter I want to send

[Peter_pan]

I have written a letter that i want to send, its taken me a while to actually get to the point that i wanted to write this, and i think its because i wanted to not hurt her and hold on to any hope there may be. But now i have been through the motions and its my head not heart writing it or holding onto hope.

I think i can write this with a clear conscience and i think it will completely symbolize its over and ive excepted it. and yes i know actions speak louder than words, and i am not entirely sure about sending it because its been at least 6 months of NC and i wouldnt want her to write one back that wud be hurtful whether its good or bad. at least it may bring out her reasons behind her actions but then it would invoke a slag match.

 

so here it is. >

 

Don’t really need to introduce myself since your know who it is, or will you? Since it’s been a long time, but its pete for the record.

I remember your last letter to me, I mean how could I forget, I was out the country and you sent it through an email, that was brave of you, and it really showed respect you had for me….

 

You said no letter or email was going to change your mind, that’s fine I wasn’t ever going to waste anymore time on trying, since I gave it my all for you to at least listen to me, but I got blanked and later broken, left to pick up the pieces. I think you forgot that I changed major factors of my life for you, but I guess you forgot all of that since it was all about what you wanted, regardless of how I would be left or feel.

 

I never controlled your actions and you proved that through how you treated me. Well it’s been nearly a year now that I’ve not seen nor heard from you; I have tried to reach out to you in the past but got nothing back. You spoke to a good friend of mine I don’t really know what the intention behind that was but its not my job to figure it out, all I know is you didn’t even send a mere happy bday txt for my 21st, guess your still as stubborn as you were back then, and again that just reflects what type of person you must really be.

 

After all that time and memories we shared that no one can or will ever replace it is a shame how it ended, I am sorry it had to be that way and how it is how it is now between us.

 

I don’t mean to sound harsh or ill mannered, but I really don’t care who your with, who you see or what you do, you have your own life and that’s what you wanted after all. Im glad your happy or have found happiness. As you know, I had no choice but to re build my life and ive done just fine, ive become much stronger and a better person in the process, and ive accomplished a lot and many things to come.

 

Looking back I think I was to naive about you, you showed your true colours at the end but really your intentions where black and white.

 

Anyway im not expecting a reply and don’t really need or want one. I guess I just wanted to write this to express what its taken me a long time to conclude and that’s that I am grateful for the time we shared and I do not regret it, but you know what I thought about your actions and attitude and its a shame that it really tainted what i thought you were and what you turned out to be.

 

I did this for me, because its what I want.

 

well there it is, it took me 20 mins to write, from the top of my head.

 

its hard because i no she was the best person ive ever met and shared my life with. so doing this is hard because of course i still have a place somewhere in me for her.

[northstar1]

I have written a letter that i want to send, its taken me a while to actually get to the point that i wanted to write this, and i think its because i wanted to not hurt her and hold on to any hope there may be. But now i have been through the motions and its my head not heart writing it or holding onto hope.

I think i can write this with a clear conscience and i think it will completely symbolize its over and ive excepted it. and yes i know actions speak louder than words, and i am not entirely sure about sending it because its been at least 6 months of NC and i wouldnt want her to write one back that wud be hurtful whether its good or bad. at least it may bring out her reasons behind her actions but then it would invoke a slag match.

 

so here it is. >

 

Don’t really need to introduce myself since your know who it is, or will you? Since it’s been a long time, but its pete for the record.

I remember your last letter to me, I mean how could I forget, I was out the country and you sent it through an email, that was brave of you, and it really showed respect you had for me….

 

You said no letter or email was going to change your mind, that’s fine I wasn’t ever going to waste anymore time on trying, since I gave it my all for you to at least listen to me, but I got blanked and later broken, left to pick up the pieces. I think you forgot that I changed major factors of my life for you, but I guess you forgot all of that since it was all about what you wanted, regardless of how I would be left or feel.

 

I never controlled your actions and you proved that through how you treated me. Well it’s been nearly a year now that I’ve not seen nor heard from you; I have tried to reach out to you in the past but got nothing back. You spoke to a good friend of mine I don’t really know what the intention behind that was but its not my job to figure it out, all I know is you didn’t even send a mere happy bday txt for my 21st, guess your still as stubborn as you were back then, and again that just reflects what type of person you must really be.

 

After all that time and memories we shared that no one can or will ever replace it is a shame how it ended, I am sorry it had to be that way and how it is how it is now between us.

 

I don’t mean to sound harsh or ill mannered, but I really don’t care who your with, who you see or what you do, you have your own life and that’s what you wanted after all. Im glad your happy or have found happiness. As you know, I had no choice but to re build my life and ive done just fine, ive become much stronger and a better person in the process, and ive accomplished a lot and many things to come.

 

Looking back I think I was to naive about you, you showed your true colours at the end but really your intentions where black and white.

 

Anyway im not expecting a reply and don’t really need or want one. I guess I just wanted to write this to express what its taken me a long time to conclude and that’s that I am grateful for the time we shared and I do not regret it, but you know what I thought about your actions and attitude and its a shame that it really tainted what i thought you were and what you turned out to be.

 

I did this for me, because its what I want.

 

 

well there it is, it took me 20 mins to write, from the top of my head.

 

its hard because i no she was the best person ive ever met and shared my life with. so doing this is hard because of course i still have a place somewhere in me for her.

 

Peter, before you send this, ask yourself, do you have any expecations once you do send it? I mean, if she doesn't reply, will that hurt you more?

[hollywood3453]

Very well put! It shows character and you chose your words well. It will only make her realize what you've become and what she could have have. Keep it moving and anything meant will happen!

 

Live by this:

 

"You can't have what you want until you want what you have"

[Peter_pan]

Very well put! It shows character and you chose your words well. It will only make her realize what you've become and what she could have have. Keep it moving and anything meant will happen!

 

Live by this:

 

"You can't have what you want until you want what you have"

 

thanks hollywood

 

i dont know how it would show her what she could have have, but i know she wud have heard through her brother how good im looking and how happy i am.

 

i havnt sent it as i said, there are a few tweaks i could add here and there.

 

i dont want to send it and wish i hadnt, yet i dont want to keep it and wish i had

 

oh and north, i really dont want it to achieve anything, other than to relieve how i feel. its not in any shape or form a letter trying to get her back. i just feel she got away with being a bitch to me and i never got a say.

 

i wouldnt want or need a reply as i said.

 

i know its stupid but the one thing thats floating in my mind is that it would ruin ANY chance with her way into the future. how stupid is that..

[lofi_tokyo]

Eventually, it comes down to saying what you've gotta say.

 

You say this one thing floating in your head could ruin any chance you have with her huh? Well heres some info: theres always a CHANCE, but the reality is you're probably not getting it whether you send the letter or not.

 

So, if you need to be honest and true with her to gain closure, by all means, do it, so long as you honestly do not expect anything out of it.

 

In my experiences with my female friends, when ex's sent them letters months/years later, they just trashed them immediately.

 

 

I've posted a letter to my ex here I think, I've confessed and realized why our relationship failed, but I never sent the letter and still got closure. Then again, its only been two months for me... for you its been a much longer time.

 

I guess, my best friends ex, who sent her a journal of all their good memories as a final attempt at getting her back 3 yrs after the break up... he got his closure. She trashed it, she was tired of the letters, hearing about how he hadnt moved on etc... and I think her throwing away his last scraps of getting her back ruined him, in a good way. Hes now VERY happily dating a new woman. Hes in a wonderful, wonderful, place right now.

 

I guess, send the letter if you so choose, like you said, to you it means you'll never get her back. The truth I think you know is you most likely will never get her back anyways, but if sending the letter sets you free - well damn, get your freedom! Be happy again!

[Peter_pan]

thanks tv, useful stuff there to take in. i would at least like to think she had read it but it dont matter. i think she would, if she trashed it right away then thats fine with me.

 

she wanted to be friends or at least in contact and we have been neither. maybe these things take longer. or maybe it will never happen. as i said i did try. so its not like i threw in the towel right away. i think it may help with complete closure.

 

i will ask my family and sister what she thinks of the letter and there input.

 

keep the posts coming people. this is probably the biggest thing im about to do or think i should do;

 

advice is golden

[foxh1234]

Hi PP, I have to be honest when I tell you not to send it, or anything for that matter. She will not think of it and read it the way you intended. She will only view you as still hung up on her and she will feel pity for you. Don't give her that PP, please don't do it. Let her wonder how your doing and let her think your doing great. You don't need to do this, you will regret it, it will set you back. Trust me on this PP, I wouldn't misguide you. Do not send it. Let it go and let her go for good. You can do it man, I know you can.

[northstar1]

Hi PP, I have to be honest when I tell you not to send it, or anything for that matter. She will not think of it and read it the way you intended. She will only view you as still hung up on her and she will feel pity for you. Don't give her that PP, please don't do it. Let her wonder how your doing and let her think your doing great. You don't need to do this, you will regret it, it will set you back. Trust me on this PP, I wouldn't misguide you. Do not send it. Let it go and let her go for good. You can do it man, I know you can.

 

I have to agree with Fox here. Let her last memory of you being silence - let her think you are living your life now and are happy.

I understand you have things you still want to say, for YOU, however, I would hate for you to send it and then come back here with regret.

[Peter_pan]

ok im really annoyed again. fox and north i think your right. but she hurt me and deserves to no i hate her

 

only she dosnt have to wonder.. >>

 

went on my sisters face book and my little sister has been talking to her and she has been talking to my little sister. her picture is yet again another one with him all smiling and she looked nice like how i remember her **** SAKE ARGHHH MOTHER ****ER...

 

two can play at that game. im going to add her brother and sisters to mine, or shall i not? it would make it easier for her to keep up on anything about me, but i guess she can do that through my sis... **** SAKE IM ANNOYED.

 

shall i ask my sister why she has been speaking to her. or tell her not to speak to her or if she does dont tell her anything about me.

 

i hate reading wat my ex has put, just something about her doing this law course and how there are assessments already.

 

 

 

i need to speak to someone on instant messenger. im really upset and feel sick

[lofi_tokyo]

If I had AIM/MSN available right now I'd help ya out Pete, but I'm on my campus right now and they have that stuff blocked.

 

Just keep posting here if you have to - that way you get lots of people putting up feedback.

 

Fox and North are right in the end. Sending a letter won't actually do much for you. Its weird, because I know the feeling where you think it will... set you free... but it won't, they're right. All it will do is make them pity you, and honestly, you don't want people always saying "oh gosh poor Pete, do you think he'll ever get over her?" or "Pete's still hung up on that girl... when will the poor guy let it go?". You don't want to hear that, you're better than being some "poor" guy. Be strong!

 

The facebook stuff is messed up. I am so so so grateful that my ex doesn't use his social networking sites. Otherwise I'd probably roll over and die. Well, maybe not die, but be rawrawrawrawr

[northstar1]

ok im really annoyed again. fox and north i think your right. but she hurt me and deserves to no i hate her

 

only she dosnt have to wonder.. >>

 

went on my sisters face book and my little sister has been talking to her and she has been talking to my little sister. her picture is yet again another one with him all smiling and she looked nice like how i remember her **** SAKE ARGHHH MOTHER ****ER...

 

two can play at that game. im going to add her brother and sisters to mine, or shall i not? it would make it easier for her to keep up on anything about me, but i guess she can do that through my sis... **** SAKE IM ANNOYED.

 

shall i ask my sister why she has been speaking to her. or tell her not to speak to her or if she does dont tell her anything about me.

 

i hate reading wat my ex has put, just something about her doing this law course and how there are assessments already.

 

i need to speak to someone on instant messenger. im really upset

 

Peter, don't get into playing games. Don't add her family, don't look at your sisters page. If it bothers you, ask your sister to stop talking to her.

Any window in her life is going to hurt.

You need to detox from this chick, which means having no info on her.

Stop looking at pictures of her man, that is like pouring salt on the wound.

[Peter_pan]

i only saw the one next to the comment.

 

why should she be a friend of my family..

 

im so angry and want to cry or something. i want to move away from everyone even my family so she cant no anything. maybe i will.

 

maybe this is what needs to be done.

 

im sick of having no job no uni no gf.... and she is happy, got a house, got a bf, doing a fricking LAW degree that i told her she should do or would be a good idea when she mentioned it. wtf is wrong with me.

 

i cant wait to rant at my sister now. im gonna go ****ing mental.

 

how dare she.

 

the bitch of an ex even congratulated her on 2 and a half years wiv her bf.

[lofi_tokyo]

Peter, calm down.

 

You're hurting right now and if you need to rant, go all out, but don't let this anger stay with you.

 

If you're sick of your life being not up to par, do something, I know you can. Stop comparing yourself to her. Why? Why would you do that? You're not her, and things always look greener on the other side.

 

You are you.

Your ex is your ex.

 

You are not the same person, one life cannot compare to the other. Your value of your own life is what you make of it, not what others make of it.

 

Talk to your sister if you need to. Family is a good thing. But no don't take action quickly against your ex. There is nothing to gain from it.

[Peter_pan]

the way i look at it is its me vs her. i HAVE to have a better life than her otherwise she won, she got the better deal.

 

i dont have her or a better life... what am i? scum.

 

that is why i want to move away from it all. i think ill be happier. or even at a uni away from home so i dont have to keep them updated of how good i am with being a bum, getting fired, doing drugs.

 

great

[EmperorR]

I wanted to do something like this for my ex, i have liek 10 drafts saved but I won't send she doesn't desreve to hear a peep from me again

[amaysngrace]

im so angry and want to cry or something.

 

This is why you should not send it. If you need to deal with her do it when you have no reaction to her at all.

 

You're still pretty emotional about all of this.

 

You hate this person. Why would you share what you think of her when she obviously doesn't deserve to know it?

[lofi_tokyo]

You know what? Moving away may or may not be a bad idea. It may also be a horrible idea. Thats something for you to discover.

 

Sometimes when everything seems wrong, we need to just shed everything away, and attack from a whole new angle, we need to reinvent ourselves. If moving from home is going to help you reinvent yourself, then by all means, you're young, have fun and see whats out there!

 

A warning though is... you can run and run and run from your problems and then... there you are, wherever you end up, you'll be at best a runner. You'll have escaped your problems for a while but in the end you will quickly discover that you have not DEALT with your issues.

 

Why is a competition with your ex? Ask yourself that? Why why why? Enlighten me!

 

If you're gonna compete, why not shoot for the stars and pick a real role model?

[Peter_pan]

at amay, i dont really want to cry, i just feel a bit annoyed. i felt better today and then i find out messages have been flying backwards and forward between my own sister and her.

 

just want to sigh really loud, is how i feel.

 

@tv

 

its a competition because i want to show her i won, her gettin rid of me was not good and she should feel bad that we dont talk.

 

when i found out about him, i really wish i hadnt phoned her to try and get her back one more time. i shouldn't have elevated her guilt/ i called her a liar and she was angry, i didn't want to upset her cause i wanted her back so i said, no you didn't tell the truth so whatever. even wished her luck because some dumb thing in my mind told me they wouldnt work and she would want me back

 

i wished her luck and that was that. i held onto hope she would come back every night, dreamt of her for months. she haunted my dream and sometimes still does. i just want her to feel pain.

 

i know that sounds really immature and childish but maybe thats me.

 

i dont feel she deserves to leave me in the **** and to be happy with the guy she left me for. it just dosnt seem fair.

 

if they live happily ever after, i dont feel she deserves that.

 

oh dear what have i become.

[northstar1]

at amay, i dont really want to cry, i just feel a bit annoyed. i felt better today and then i find out messages have been flying backwards and forward between my own sister and her.

 

just want to sigh really loud, is how i feel.

 

@tv

 

its a competition because i want to show her i won, her gettin rid of me was not good and she should feel bad that we dont talk.

 

when i found out about him, i really wish i hadnt phoned her to try and get her back one more time. i shouldn't have elevated her guilt/ i called her a liar and she was angry, i didn't want to upset her cause i wanted her back so i said, no you didn't tell the truth so whatever. even wished her luck because some dumb thing in my mind told me they wouldnt work and she would want me back

 

i wished her luck and that was that. i held onto hope she would come back every night, dreamt of her for months. she haunted my dream and sometimes still does. i just want her to feel pain.

 

i know that sounds really immature and childish but maybe thats me.

 

i dont feel she deserves to leave me in the **** and to be happy with the guy she left me for. it just dosnt seem fair.

 

if they live happily ever after, i dont feel she deserves that.

 

oh dear what have i become.

 

Peter, what you need to realize is sending her a letter won't make her feel pain. It will make you feel pain. As TV has said, she will probably read it, shrug and toss it out. Dont' give her that satisfaction.

 

You need , and I know it's hard, to stop caring about if she is happy or what she is doing. That has no bearing on your future now.

We all have dreams of our ex's, it's natural even months later.

 

Talk to your sister, tell her it bothers you that she keeps up with her. Ask her to stop.

 

Write as many letters as you need, but don't send them.

 

Read the posts on here, I doubt you will find many, if any, who have sent that final letter, and who truly felt it was a good idea afterwards. It won't achieve what you want, which is to make her hurt, or to think of you.

[lofi_tokyo]

At least you're asking yourself what you've become.

 

Feeling this kind of anger is good, its part of the grieving process... but I will repeat - you must not hold onto it.

 

When I went through my anger phase and I wanted was for my ex to just be miserable, I wanted him to miss me terribly, I wanted him to be upset, and feel my pain. I wanted him and his new woman to fail.

 

Well you know what?

Eventually you'll come to a point where you get TIRED of being angry. You just have to let go. Who the **** cares if you win this competition or not. Trust me, shes not competing with you, its all in your head. Also, if your aim is making her regret dumping you, feeling like you have to best her is the worst move ever - it won't work, she'll just think you're being dumb.

 

Part of me is banking on my ex breaking up with his current girlfriend. Her being 19 and him being 20, the odds are against them sticking together for the long haul, especially since he hasn't been single since he was 17 (when he met me). BUT there is a VERY REAL possibility my ex could end up marrying this new girl. You NEVER KNOW. And... the reality is, already I hardly give a care where they're at. I know that if they end up together or not doesn't matter because well... its none of my business, its their lives, I have my life. I figure by the time he marries her, if he does, I'll be well enough off in my own life to be happy for him.

 

You loved this girl, right? Its been a long time since you split. When are you going to learn to be happy shes happy? Isn't that winning in itself? Not letting her choices phase you, but instead seeing the beauty in losing her, because she found a new happiness and so will you? Why can't you smile at the world, why cant you turn this situation around and make yourself the winner?

[Peter_pan]

oh dont worry i know it wont make a difference, seeing her pic with him and knowing how long they have been together now says it all.

 

i wont send it. just thought it wud be good. but as i say ^^

 

yeh ill have to have a word. wish i didnt have to. . . yeh i dont care what she is doing and that she is still with him, its nothing new.

 

im just annoyed it seems her life is better than mine, that i am not happy about. it makes me feel really really pathetic that im living with my mum and dad and not going anywhere with my life in terms of my future.

 

well i know she isnt thinking its a competition thats for sure. i just cant help but be the loser here.. and I am the one thats cares about the competition because i just do. i want to be better off than she will.

 

im going to go back to uni and get on with my life.

 

i am the most un motivated person and the thought of applying through ucas again just scares me, its so long winded

[lofi_tokyo]

It can't hurt to chase a dream. Its okay to build castles in the sky, as long as you put a foundation under them.

 

Goal setting is super fun. I love it. Personally? I am shooting for the stars. I want a Ph.D. from Cambridge or Standford. I want to write a book and be quoted because my words will touch people and help them through hardships. I want to write more and reach out to more people. Ultimately, I would love to win a Nobel Prize (haha!).

 

Some of the things I plan to do seem so attainable (going to a good school) while others seem impossibly far away, but each step I take is getting me there, I'm always inspired by people and the world around me.

 

Feed off your own dreams. Theres nothing wrong with dreaming as long as you're actively working towards achieving them.

[lofi_tokyo]

Also Peter, and this is hilarious to me - I think we have the same haircuts. Too funny! Go team!

[Peter_pan]

yeh i know thats true.

 

i can see myself being very happy attaining a degree from any semi good university. that to me would be like winning the lottery. i would feel i made it, i could stand tall and say ive beaten her.

 

she is on a 5yr course now, i would have to do 2 years if i choose to do the same as what i was doing up north. so i would finish a year before her since next sept is her year 2 if she makes it.

 

my goal is to get a degree and then see what happens from there. i dont have anygoals set after that point apart from hopefully getting a job i love, a house good car and nice wife or something.

 

also ive just noticed that i miss having someone that really cares about me and wants me to do well, i miss that from her, she would always make me feel special and help me out, also she is the reason i even looked at going to uni, hence why i choose the same uni as her, so we could stay together

 

edit, yeah i was going to say the same thing about the hair , rock on ! x

 

i want to meet someone like you. who has your attitude. and kindness

[lofi_tokyo]

Hey and you know what? Those are good goals to have. You'll probably find the person you want to settle down with much sooner than me (in case you didn't notice, my goals don't really include getting married!).

 

Okay! Good. This thread has turned into a thread of sweetness and happy instead of rawrawr. (Ha a moment ago I was claiming to want a Ph.D. in English)

 

Who knows what the future holds for you ex. Honestly? No one!

 

And... I can't say what kind of future you'll have either, but if you want a happy home to live in, one with nice kids, a loving wife, and living comfortably? Well... thats not demanding at all. I believe you can do it. You've just gotta start living for you, and let go of that darn ex.