angieg101 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 What does this mean? He broke it off but he's still calling!?! My ex basically broke things off in October after dating for 5 months. He said he still liked me but didn't have time for a relationship...well his exact words were "I still like you, I just think it might be best if we were just friends because of my schedule...I just don't know, I need to think about it" Anyway, I took that conversation to mean it was over. When we finally did talk again (two weeks after the "just friends" chat), he acted like we never had that conversation and as if I was an old friend he was checking in with. Now, since mid-October, he's been calling every 4 or 5 days to see "how I am". Once he attempted to make plans with me to meet up but it never happen. What's wrong with this guy??? He is super sweet and I enjoy the time we spend together. I know he is really busy with work and his recent move etc. but he was the one who basically ended it, so why is he still calling? I haven't questioned him as to why he is still calling to say "Hi". I know he said that he would like to be friends, but we could never be "just friends" and he knows that. I'm not necessarily waiting for him to come back to me but if there is a chance for us to get back together (we really didn't have many issues) I would be willing to give it another shot, but is that what he is trying to convey through his actions? Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks.
Vince Black Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 tell him exactly what you wrote here...whats the deal? what are your intentions? Then decide for your self how you want to proceed. ask those questions...you don't get the answers you are looking for...bye bye baby
konfuzd Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 A guy will not break up with you because he is too busy. If he's really into you, he'll make time for you, or he'll explain that he can't spend as much time with you as he'd like, but will make an effort when he has time. Sorry, I think it's time to move on. You know you can't be friends with him, so you should tell him that if you're not going to be together, he needs to stop contacting you so you can get on with your life.
melissa123 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Im not a male but it seems to me like he feels guilty. I obviously don't know this guy or the situation to well but I have seen this before when the dumper hangs to stop the guilt feeling then once he feels ok about it he leaves. I would hate to see this happen to you because it hurts like hell so Id suggest you ask him straight up what his intentions are. If he is not willing to work on your relationship and gives you the just friends talk then I would suggest you go NC. As hard as it may be I have seen this before where the dumper holds on due to his own guilt or maybe adjustment into single life giving the one that was dumped hope and feelings that they will get back together. Eventually someone else will come alone and they leave and your the one who is shattered again. So ask him straight up asap, dont let this just carry on, and like vince said if he doesn't give you the answers you want say bye bye
BoerumHill Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 He's seeing someone else. You are now the backup plan.
RecordProducer Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Angie, in any case, it's clear that he's not the right person for you. Most likely, he isn't in love (and five months is more than enough to fall in love). You didn't mention the issues you've had; perhaps those not-too-many issues were the reason for the breakup. Nonetheless, he should have told you the real motive behind his action. People who throw sand in your eyes are generally not the ones you want to keep in your life. He is not necessarily a bad person, but he's apparently not too good for you. What he wants? Friendship? Support? Sex? Whatever was good in the relationship - he'd gladly extract.
carhill Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 he's seeing someone else. You are now the backup plan. +1 .........
reelbigfish Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Not to sound harsh but as a guy who knows other guys who do this.... He either is a) seeing someone else or b) wants to be with someone else. He's keeping you on the backburner should whatever he is looking for fall through. Stop answering all of his calls. Answer one every two or three weeks and see what happens.
Author angieg101 Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 Thanks everyone for your input. Yeah I was kinda thinking that he was seeing someone else as well. But these calls are confusing me!!! Producer, I completely understand what you're saying. Basically, for most of the relationship he was the "giver" for the lack of a better term. He was the one always calling/texting, wanting to see each other, whereas I was super busy and was really passive about initiating...anything. I am and was at a transition point in my life and I made that very, very clear to him when we first met (I was studying/taking the MCATs, doing medical school applications, teaching middle school special ed., looking for jobs etc). Because of the things I was working towards, what I wasn't looking for was a relationship , plus I had recently gotten out of a VERYYYYY WHACK 3 year- on again/off again relationship, which had finally ended for good. I was very hesitant starting anything with him but I just fell for him--and fast. Anyway, he said he understood the situation and wanted to try anyway. He was and continues (when he calls) to be very understanding and supportive thru these crazy months. I do know that he cared a lot about me but felt insecure with the relationship because I'm not that type of person that needs a ton of phone calls, txts, together time. Don't get me wrong, I like getting all the above, believe me I want to hear from "my guy", I just don't "need" the above and I've always been that way; whereas, I think the past girls my ex has dealt with needed such affirmations. Once the school year began, he teaches 4th grade, his schedule became chaotic. And one call a day with a txt here and there became no call or txt. And our once or twice a week date (yes, we live in the same town) stop due to one activity or another. Now its November and things have slowed down a bit for both of us so I don't know if that's why he's calling. As far as being on the backburner...that's likely too. However, we never slept together (yes, my choice and a very difficult one for me and even harder one to follow for him) so I'm not sure why that would be the case cause I thought that's why a guy would put a girl on the back burner...Either way I know he likes to party with he's boys--he could always make time for them no matter what....I'm really clueless or in denial or both.... Anyway, these are just some further thoughts. Thanks so much thus far. I completely agree with everyone tho-- either way he needs to man up and be clear about his intentions.
RecordProducer Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 However, we never slept together (yes, my choice and a very difficult one for me and even harder one to follow for him) Unless he shares your (religious) views on prenuptial sex 100%, he likely escaped from a sexless relationship.
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