roxy_1980 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 The guy that I've been seeing for almost a year broke it off with me yesterday. Completely blindsided. Apparently, he's still married, separated in fact, but still married. And has TWO kids he never told me about! Apparently they broke up and he moved out before we got together, but now have went to conselling and he is moving back in. I didn't know this woman and these children existed a few days ago! I'm not looking for advice, I know I have to stay away. I know that I can never trust him again even if things with his wife didn't work out. I just need a place to vent. I mean, WTF? Who does that? I mean, if he was honest about everything from the beginning maybe I wouldn't feel like **** now. Couldn't he of at least told me about them? I mean, people get divorced, people separate. It would have been a deal breaker then. I know, I know, he obviously wanted to get back with her on some level. That's why he didn't tell me, but what was he gonna hide them forever if it didn't work out between them? It's not like they were going away! Sheez!
Angel1111 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 That is totally unreal. How horrible for you. I'm so sorry.
hollywood3453 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Wow, he has nerves. You had no clue? No warning sign? That must hurt, but you know they say pay is a MTF! So sit back continue to vent let it all out! Stay away and don't except any of his calls. Don't even wait for him to call matter of fact change your number so you won't jump everytime the phone rings to see that ot's not him calling! What goes around comes right back and he will have his day.
Author roxy_1980 Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 I can't change my number right now, I've got some very important interviews coming up and need the number to remain the same. But I've got caller ID, so it's not like I can't avoid his calls. I'm still in such disbelief, but I guess there were a few signs. Hindsight's 20/20. Alot of weekends he couldn't go out. And I kept asking myself, how can I guy this much of a catch not have been taken by 35, well, that's simply, because he was! Little things that I brushed off before I'm starting to doubt now. That voice in your head, the one you ignore when you're in love, it's ALWAYS right ladies! Small inconsistencies and feelings should always be investigated further. PS. In my first post, I meant that it would NOT have been a deal breaker then. Typing too fast. Excuse any typos etc too, emotional....
Author roxy_1980 Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 I know this is all coming out disjointed and funky, it's just how my mind is working right now: I haven't even told any of my friends or family yet that we've broken up, nevermind why. How do I tell my family that I was dating a married guy for 10 months. They met him! They loved him! How do I tell people that I'm the Other Woman. He made the OW and I didn't even know! I feel like somehow I was coming between him and his kids somehow. It's irrational I know, but, maybe if I never met him he would have went back to their mother sooner. I feel bad for his children, they are innocent in everything. They didn't deserve to live a year without their father. I'm doubting everything now. I wonder does she even know about me? Would they be getting back together if she found out? (I'm not gonna make trouble, I don't want him back, but I'm starting to feel for this woman. Does she really know what her husband is like?)
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Keep in mind that this guy is a lying, poisonous viper and you will do well. It will hurt much less with that realization.
norajane Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I'm doubting everything now. I wonder does she even know about me? Would they be getting back together if she found out? (I'm not gonna make trouble, I don't want him back, but I'm starting to feel for this woman. Does she really know what her husband is like?) Well, they were separated, so she might very well have a clue what he's like, yes. But, my guess is she doesn't know a thing about you. He's quite adept at deception, isn't he? He's been practicing it a lot if he's that good at it. I'm sorry you had the bad, bad luck to run into such a lying schmuck.
Author roxy_1980 Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 I know that I'm worrying about stupid stuff like her and the kids, but hey, it's been a day (day and a half tops). And as much as I have questions about what just happened and what happened between them, I'm not gonna talk to him. It in all likelihood wouldn't be the truth anyway. I don't know if I'll believe anything that comes out of a guy mouth for a while. (Sorry to the guys on this site, but it's true. Jaded, sure, but true). I know that I'm too trusting, but COME ON! Take advantage of it like this. WTF? I know that for now, no new men. My internal dialogue about being cynical is far too loud right now. As for my family and friends, I'm not ready to tell them, but I know I have to soon. Maybe the weekend.
norajane Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 As for my family and friends, I'm not ready to tell them, but I know I have to soon. Maybe the weekend. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just because he's a douche doesn't mean it's your fault for not knowing that. He worked really hard to pretend not to be a douche. Your friends and family will help you through this, so don't hesitate to talk to them!! Don't let him take that away from you.
Katherineos123 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Oh. My. God. That is awful! What a jerk!!! I feel so sorry for you, but there is a silver lining. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of this schmuck before you got in even deeper!!! P.S. I agree with NoraJane, friendship is the cure to everything!
InLimbo2 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 You weren't the OW - he was separated - you didn't break up his marriage or have an affair with him while he was married and cohabitating - so stop beating yourself up over that one. The kids didn't do without their father for a year because of you - they were without their father for a year because he moved out - before you were in the picture - so that's not on you either. Learn some lessons - like listen to that nagging inside voice regarding the warnings and move on - and don't ever talk to the guy again. I know this is all coming out disjointed and funky, it's just how my mind is working right now: I haven't even told any of my friends or family yet that we've broken up, nevermind why. How do I tell my family that I was dating a married guy for 10 months. They met him! They loved him! How do I tell people that I'm the Other Woman. He made the OW and I didn't even know! I feel like somehow I was coming between him and his kids somehow. It's irrational I know, but, maybe if I never met him he would have went back to their mother sooner. I feel bad for his children, they are innocent in everything. They didn't deserve to live a year without their father. I'm doubting everything now. I wonder does she even know about me? Would they be getting back together if she found out? (I'm not gonna make trouble, I don't want him back, but I'm starting to feel for this woman. Does she really know what her husband is like?)
Lauriebell82 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 What an a-whole!!! I know what it's like to be in a relationship with a pathological liar and you have no clue! But, man your boyfriend takes the cake when it comes to scumbags. I know it's hard, but move on from this jerk, there are actually decent guys out there to have a relationship with.
BrooklynBridge Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 "Broken heart, don't feel so bad. You ain't got half of what you thought you had." -Grateful Dead
2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 This is awful. I am so sorry you have been violated by this creep. And thats what it is - a violation. He comes into your life for ten months - presents himself to you and your family as something he is absolutely not. Toys with your feelings, while the entire time having another agenda/life. I honestly wish I could do something tangible for you. I know you dont need the drama. But I have to say, I feel even more sorry for his wife and kids. Trying to put her family back together. Who knows what she threw him out for in the first place...but the seperation and MC must have been her terms before reconciling...and she THINKS he has met them!!! Her and her children are fully involved in a freaking train wreck and she has no way to protect her family. I dont know if I could do it either - but its a crying shame his wife doesnt know.
You'reasian Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 This sucks. Sorry to hear about that. Does this guy even wear his wedding ring? Or even mark that he's married on his paperworkd? What a jerk!
nicki Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 He will do it again to the wife. I also feel badly for her, and for the children. I wish she could know what he's been up to for the past year. She has made a decision based on incomplete info. What a shame. I feel good for you that it won't be you again, however, ever getting hurt by him again.
Author roxy_1980 Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Well, I told my family last night. They were is in as much shock as I was. But their support is really helping me. I've told a couple close friends. The rest, well, I changed my relationship status on FB. If they want details, they can ask. Me and two of my gfs are going out tomorrow night. Not to meet men, just to go out and dance a bit. Kind of a "well, that's over, let's get drunk and forget he existed" girls' night out.
norajane Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Well, I told my family last night. They were is in as much shock as I was. But their support is really helping me. I've told a couple close friends. The rest, well, I changed my relationship status on FB. If they want details, they can ask. Me and two of my gfs are going out tomorrow night. Not to meet men, just to go out and dance a bit. Kind of a "well, that's over, let's get drunk and forget he existed" girls' night out. Hooray for friends and family!
Author roxy_1980 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Well, it's started already! He left a message on my answering machine on Sunday morning. (I was hung over from the night before and thus had turned off the ringer). He called from his cell. Surprise, surprise. So the wife has NO idea obviously! He spouted some bull about feeling bad about how he handled things, that he hoped I was okay and if I needed to talk that would be okay. Then went into this big thing about how he missed just talking to me. What a sleezeball! He's with his wife what a week and he's circling around again. Obviously, I am not calling him back. He's been blocked.
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