Broke up after 4 years- Is there some else or is it Law school brainwash??

[jolly718]

To make a long story somewhat short - Me and my now (ex) just broke up- Every thing was fine until we moved to HI for her law internship. This is her last year of law school and internship last through DEC. I quit my job to come live with her while she went to school. She wanted this but I was a little skepticle. Anyways it was all good untill we came to HI for the intern- up until about last month i had noticing some changes (being a little distant, lack of communication) not all her i would i was doing a little of the same. Any we had an agument about she brought up i dont think we will work in the longrun we agrreed to try and make it work but after a couple of days of akwardness I recomended that we split up. she agreed. If this would have happened a couple of months earlier she would have not agreed. She had always been about me and was scared to lose me before we came out here even until just recently. She claims its work and she doesnt want to resent anything in the future. This has never been the case befere. I think this intership has gone to her head and given her confidence boost which is good im proud for her, but then my paranoid self thinks there might be someelse. She has always been good to me and i will be honest i am not always good about expressing my feelings, but I want to leave her note expressing how i really feel about her but anot sure if that is a good idea-She still wants to keep in good touch and visit me. I know we still have feelings for each other and are still not over each other. should i just let it go or splill out on the note. This all happened so sudenly im just a little confused if is really just her work or is there is someon else. Ive asked her a many times but i dont think she would ever tell me if there was . Anyfeed back from anrbody with similar experiances is highly appreciated thanks

[Chinook]

I wouldn't write the note.

 

If she wants to come back to you she will. She will let you know.

 

But...

 

In my experience and a couple of years of reading similar stories to yours, it sounds to me also that there is someone else. Maybe not as in cheating but definitely who she is interested in. If this is the case, hang fire and let it work itself free, the chances are that she'll realise she made a mistake.

[jolly718]

I just got to put this out there that i felt she was puting more into the realtionship than i was and it probably was a little my fault for all this. Thats why i want to do something for her to let her know how i feel- Is this a good idea or not? But if there really is someone else i dont want to look like a fool because in that case she was just stringing me along the whole time?? please any advise is appreciated thankyou

[jolly718]

Thankyou Chinook your comment gives me some light and you sound right on!

[lofi_tokyo]

I think Chinook is right.

 

It certainly sounds like there is someone else. The good news is, in my experience reading these forums, girls who break up with their men for another guy usually don't stay with the new guy for long.. usually three months AT BEST! However, and this is the crappy side, those same girls usually come back... but never really in the way they once were. It seems like a lot of the guys who are posting on this site, who's girlfriends break up with them and they soon discover are dating someone else, have their girlfriends come back, but the girlfriend is always flakey, not really wanting a commitment, and just wants the original guy to keep them company and make them feel good.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is... if you discover there is someone else, just let go. Its going to be painful, and take months to heal, but chances are you're only ever going to get you ex half back. You deserve to have a girl want you 100%, not 50%.

[Vince Black]

Tokyovogue hit it right on the head

[Ocean-Blue]

If she stuck it out with you while she was in LS, I doubt school (or her internship) is the reason for her sudden change of heart. It could be that she is meeting new people and wants to explore her options. Perhaps she doesn't think you two are compatible anymore?

 

Either way, unless you get clear, consistent signals that she wants to be with you, I'd walk away with my dignity. If she wants you, she'll know where to find you.

[jolly718]

thanks for the replies everyone you guys make so much sense its scary

[jolly718]

I know its a little pathetic that i keep coming on my own tread to post but i need a couple of more insights on this. From reading most of the comments (That i highly appreciate)- You all make it seem like there is a second chance?

We have both never been in relationship this long with anyone else. I dont want to say yes, but i think she is, or wants to meet new peaple that have more in common with her and wants to explore her options, but then again it could really be the nature of law school. Which im just not to sure about, Its been 5 days with no contact since we broke up. I would of thought she would give a little text or something but She is on a trip with her famly right now and they are probably talking her up, soo- My last question is if there is a chance she will come back SHOULD I make any effort to keep in touch or should I let go and keep NC until she contacts me? I just dont want my lack of effort to screw things up totally if thats the case--Any advise is highly appreciated thankyou again

[SRV]

In your case, at this point, do not do anything. Let it play itself out. She knows your number, she knows how to get in touch with you.

 

In many cases like yours, she is already checking out of the relationship. Hard a pill as it might be to swallow, a second chance might happen but highly unlikely. Just out of curiosity, what do you do for a living? Or what were you doing to better yourself whilst she was going to Law School to better herself?

 

Frienships/relationships are to a certain extent are always amongst "equals". She is close to concluding her internship and get into the workforce, she might be seeing that as an opportunity to meet and explore people in her field or career.

 

Either way, good luck, I would wish for the best but best be prepared for the worst.

[jolly718]

Thankyou SRV

[jolly718]

Alright If anyone can clear up this confusion, After the 6th day of NC my ex text me saying how this last week has been really hard and that she really misses me and wants to fly cross country to see me on my road trip,Shes trying to put it around something she forgot to give me and shes going to try and to ship it to me, but if that doesnt work she wants to fly cross country to deliver it to me, i know the item can be Fed Exed to my location... Im pretty convinced that she isnt seeing someelse now or maybe things didnt work out with, whatever i dont know. I was already in the mind frame of letting go completley and she starts giving me all these text?? Is she being alittle extreme? I would love to see her. i know we miss each other but all this is messing with my head and confusing me. What does she want?? How should I treat this? If were going to have any kind of relationship its going to be long distance for a while, But i dont think we even want it like that. If shes willing to fly crosscountry to visit me, why did we even break it up?