sacg Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Some of you may remember my story, the trouble is im not letting this go. Im not an immature person, and usually someone in control of things. But im really not dealing with this. I know its down to me breaking NC, but thats the glitch. i cant stop doing it. I have NO willpower. What is wrong with me and how do i move on? Why am I so weak? I'll admit she was giving me mixed signals, but she is with someone else, has been since she left in fact, 4 months ago, and even that doesnt deter or anger me. Why not? Why am I allowing this person to have this control over me? Is it true love, or complete madness setting in? like i said, I've ran companies, been in highly stressful jobs, been in the armded forces, yet i am torturing myslef with this and preventing my own happiness in the process. Ive also recently started to dwell more and more on them as a couple, what they are doing, things we did, sexual things we did, and its killing me. i dont remenise about the goodtimes so much, this jealousy seems to be taking over. I am so tired of thinking of her all the time. Now i know some of you are gonna fly back with, "get a grip" or "man up(is what you Americans say)", and i tell myself that everyday, but Im not, i still feel this strong bond/connection/love for her...even now! I cant seem to see the wood for the trees. I feel pathetic.
wowIlose Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 First of all, those strong feelings are normal. I think a lot of it has to do with ego and self worth. Right after a break up you feel less worthy, especially when your replaced very quickly. Its a natural reaction to feel anger and resentment but also really start reflecting on the things you had and now lost. The thought of never getting it back really does most people in.(this was a major obstacle for me.) That being said, it definitely gets easier with time. Take it from me and detach yourself in every possible way as soon as you can. Remove contact information and anything that may remind you of your ex.. this might take a few attempts and you'll find yourself at moments of complete weakness, at which point you might break and contact your ex, this is pretty common and was certainly a trend in my progression. Eventually though you'll come to a realization where you know what must be done. You will realize you must completely let go and move on. This will be the hardest part. For me it happened when one day I sat there and thought to myself what is the reason to keep my EX in my life? This was when I was in NC , but still would hear from her every couple weeks, I would never contact her but she would, always giving me a glimpse of hope that I may still have things back one day but the more thought I put into the more I realized things wouldn't be the same and at the current way things where I wasn't getting anything from her, so with that I begun to delete all contact info, deletion from facebook as well as preemptive measures such as putting her on block lists to stop myself from falling for her crap when she tried to contact me and she did try, but it was again all for the same selfish reasons, keeping me in her life as a crutch even though she decided to leave. It took nearly a year for me to get there... once I started thinking clearly and detaching things have been much easier. Remember, you are worthy and remember that its her loss and not yours. Begin taking steps today to move forward. Keep an open mind, be social and try to meet new people when possible. Take time for yourself as well. Reflection is normal, but don't get stuck dwelling on things you have no control over. As you move forward realize that you will have moments where you may feel like breaking down then remind yourself that its a temporary feeling and will subside with time, which it will. Good luck friend.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I think were you are at in your break up right now is totally normal. The chronology of my ex and I (NC wise) has been as such: Break up Two weeks of me begging for him back 2 weeks of me being crazy, still talking to him but miserable, don't remember much 1 week of pretend NC (pretend because I wasnt really doing it) trying to see if I could win my ex back 3 weeks of sincere NC, broke down when ex contacted me 1 week of trying to go NC but NO WILLPOWER to do so! Instead I was tirelessly contacting my ex, trying to get his attention. Now: Its been 1 week NC, and I'm feeling good. The will power has definitely come back to me. I think its because I admit defeat/admit winning. My ex is 100% not coming back, it is OVER, and thats actually a good thing. So... my point is, it sounds like you're in the bolded area right now. But don't worry... eventually, things will get better, you'll move on more and more. Its a natural progression, and for some it moves slowly, others quickly, but it will happen, you'll be okay. For the record, my ex started dating immediately after leaving me (he left me for her), and they have been happily dating since. So... similar situations? ;p
SgtPepper Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I understand that you feel pathetic, but you are not. Give yourself a break because if you still love her, and it sounds like you do, you are not going to just be able to shut off those feelings of jealousy that you have been "replaced". That is normal and I think all of us have been/are there, too. Remember, though, that you do have some control over your thoughts and feelings. Right now, you are giving it all to your ex, but you can take back some of that power. The mixed signals from your ex are only benefiting her right now. They are confusing you by giving you some kind of hope, however faint, that you can reconcile. Meanwhile, she has her attention on someone else. That will only serve to drive you nuts. When I get this way, which happens more than I would like to admit, I give myself time to feel bad and then everytime I think of my ex, I try to replace that with a thought about myself. What do I want? What do I need? Not, what does my ex want from me? What is my ex doing? Where is she right now? Take back some of the power that you show in other areas of your life because you deserve it!
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