angelfar2go Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I have only been married over a year, extremly hot attractive, beautiful body very sexual.I am also sweet good natured and loving to my man. I treat him like a king, I do not get why 1) He wants to look at porn of very young girls 2) or why 8 out of 10 times we make love he wants me to role play dress up and have me wear wigs. While I always do this for him with out question I am starting to feel a bit lost and wonder if there is something wrong with just me? Of course adding this in on occastion is fun,...but this should not be a routine! I love to make love to "him" and never would dream for him to be someone else. He is the one I chose to be with. We have gone to swingers clubs, and that is fun but with the porn and the costumes I wonder if it is love? In his defense, he says I am his soul mate and how sexy he thinks I am blah blah but I feel like I am getting mixed messages. What do you think?
PandorasBox Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 You will be told men are visual creatures. Which even though is true, alot of men don't feel the need to look at younger girls or play dress up, or go to swingers clubs. It all comes down to what you are comfortable with. If its something you do NOT want to do, are are not comfortable with, don't do it.
Geishawhelk Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 ... While I always do this for him with out question I am starting to feel a bit lost and wonder if there is something wrong with just me? ....... Nope. Not with you..... ....but with the porn and the costumes I wonder if it is love? In his defense, he says I am his soul mate and how sexy he thinks I am blah blah but I feel like I am getting mixed messages. What do you think? Has this been the situation since before you got married? How long ago did this fantasising begin? The Red Flag for me is porn of very young girls.... You don't say how old you both are, but this sounds extremely worrying to me. My personal take on this would be to resist doing what he wants, and tell him what you'd like for a change. If he insists on doing it his way, or gets annoyed that you won't do it his way - I'm afraid I see problems ahead. because if you're nurturing doubts and questions now - they ain't gonna go away, or get better, at all.... nossirree....
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 He does love you, in his own unique way. However, he does has his fantasies however. I think 8 out of 10 times is a lot and if you are doing it, yeah, I would be concerned too. Don't get me wrong, I am all about the role play, but it should be something done maybe once a week. You know, just to add some flavor. It should be something BOTH of you discuss or you each take turns with your fantasies. But, one thing you should never ever do during any role play is call yourselves other people names, then that is a disconnection. So, if he likes the Flintstones and wants to see you in a Wilma outfit, wear it, but don't have him call you Wilma. Now as far as the porn, again most use it as a fantasy. I use to put my girlfriend or a woman's body in place of the actress and mines in place of the actor. Or maybe I look at it for an act I would much rather keep in my head and on the screen vice live out. I mean I personally think threesomes (MMF or MFF), some of the nasty hardcore (something like Max Hardcore) is best left on the screen. But, now if he is using it to compare you or your sex life to things he see (vice asking if this is something you two can try) or he is replacing intimacy time with you with the porn, then yes, I would be upset and worried. Sex, like money handling, household responsibilities, and child discipline can very widely between spouses and it takes honest, fair, and open communication of both receiving and sending on both sides and then finding a happy medium if an agreement can be reached or alternating turns to see which works bests. So, talk to your husband, let him know your side, listen to his. And if he is hard headed, you may need to talk to someone because something deeper is going on, because personally, I believe in this, if I am married, me and my wife are one. If she is hurting, I am going to find out why and not dismiss it for she is my body. And hopefully, if she sees me as the head, she will be concerned if the head is in pain or is not functioning right and not ignoring it. For what good is the body without the head? What good is the head without a body?
Jersey Shortie Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 And does he dress up and wear wigs for you? I know it sounds ridiculous but why is that women can be happy with men as they are and men are never happy with women as they are? I think dressing up on occasion is fine and is even fun. But if he is asking you to do this 8 out 10 times, he has a problem. How much time does he spend viewing porn? What does "very young girls" mean anyway? :/ Does he work as hard to meet your needs and do special things for you sexually or otherwise as you do for him? I think currently he sounds pretty selfish. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but he has some major issues and it looks like some amount of addiction to a pornified view of sex. Unfortunetly, this is common with alot of men. And as the other generations grow up with more porn and more hardcore porn avilable to them, I suspect this will be a growing problem for our women/girls with men/boys.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 What do you think? That he apparently has sexual ADD and gets bored easily or can't tolerate repetition. I don't think it says a thing about you, but it does say a lot about him. I wager his testosterone levels are through the roof. Was he always this way?
carhill Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 In his defense, he says I am his soul mate and how sexy he thinks I am blah blah but I feel like I am getting mixed messages. What do you think? Great example of his words belying his actions. His actions speak the truth. Do you find this truth compatible with yours? If not, compromise is required. Depending on how good communication is, MC may be advisable. I wouldn't let this continue if it offends your sensibilities. IMO, a man can be a slave to his hormones on this own time
Mr. Lucky Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I think dressing up on occasion is fine and is even fun. But if he is asking you to do this 8 out 10 times, he has a problem. How much time does he spend viewing porn? What does "very young girls" mean anyway? :/ Does he work as hard to meet your needs and do special things for you sexually or otherwise as you do for him? I think currently he sounds pretty selfish. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but he has some major issues and it looks like some amount of addiction to a pornified view of sex. Shockingly enough Jersey, I agree with what you've said. He sounds selfish and fixated on something that has nothing to do with the OP. She should be vocal about her concerns... Mr. Lucky
Jersey Shortie Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I don't think it says a thing about you, but it does say a lot about him. I wager his testosterone levels are through the roof. I bet he just has no self control and is exceedingly selfish.
angie2443 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 If the girls he is looking at are under age, run and don't look back! You don't need this kind of drama in your life.
Wicked Smile Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Nope. Not with you..... Has this been the situation since before you got married? How long ago did this fantasising begin? The Red Flag for me is porn of very young girls.... You don't say how old you both are, but this sounds extremely worrying to me. My personal take on this would be to resist doing what he wants, and tell him what you'd like for a change. If he insists on doing it his way, or gets annoyed that you won't do it his way - I'm afraid I see problems ahead. because if you're nurturing doubts and questions now - they ain't gonna go away, or get better, at all.... nossirree.... I agree with the quoted reply. It seems all the giving is coming from you. So I take it he's an Alpha type male who calls the shots? Maybe you need to start telling him what turns you on. Role Play a few of your fantasies. Who knows he might be REAL turned on if your imagination is vivid. Most of us men like a women who can tell you what she wants. Do you trust him enough to pour your fantasies on the table and give that a try?
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 God it's so difficult to find someone to match up with in all ways but I think sexually you don't match up. Role play etc is fun but if he is pretty much ALWAYS making you have to dress up and act as someone else then i'd be concerned why he can't ever just take you as you are? Why can't that be enough? I had a friend whose boyfriend could only ever get horny to have sex with her by watching porn first. She understood this sometimes but when he needed it everytime she began to recognise that there was a problem in their natural attraction... If you don't like this - don't do it - as it is only signalling to him that you are accepting of this behaviour. Again actions speak louder than words. Your complains say so much but your actions go along with what he wants which cancels them out.
brothelmaiden Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Because sleeping with the same woman over and over again gets boring EVENTUALLY for some men! I'm sorry, but he's fantasizing you as someone else as you are having sex (I'm sure you've come to that conclusion already). That's what keeps him monogamous I guess. LOL. I doesn't matter how "hot" or "sweet" you are; eventually you become boring and not stimulating enough in bed (especially for men that crave random and frequent encounters).
Jersey Shortie Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Well, sometimes that seems to be the truth men are telling us. So the conclusion I draw is that no matte what a woman does, at the end, it doesn't matter. She is never good enough for him because the lure of what is "new" is always a better promise for men. Men perfer quanty over quality and that hurts.
pyroguy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 And for the millionth time, it goes both ways. If you don't think women lust after tons of other men, you're are just really naive or will not admit it. For some reason, lots of men still don't get this. All you have to do is watch their actions and words. Go examine the swinging community, and then tell me who is benefitting there? who gets the younger better looking upgrade? women. Yes, it can hurt, but sadly, it's reality. Either accept it, and do your best to ward it off, or don't date or marry.
Jersey Shortie Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I think you must live in some kind of alernate universe that the rest of us don't.
OregonTraveller Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Well, sometimes that seems to be the truth men are telling us. So the conclusion I draw is that no matte what a woman does, at the end, it doesn't matter. She is never good enough for him because the lure of what is "new" is always a better promise for men. Men perfer quanty over quality and that hurts. It does sound like he has a problem. But like a counselor explained...men and different than women...not bad or good...just different. Sometimes there are complaints when a man is not tamed...and then when he is.. If he can talk about it to you..and have non-judgmental communication, then its a start.
Ramrod Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Well, sometimes that seems to be the truth men are telling us. So the conclusion I draw is that no matte what a woman does, at the end, it doesn't matter. She is never good enough for him because the lure of what is "new" is always a better promise for men. Men perfer quanty over quality and that hurts. Not every guy has difficulty resisting the desire to pump as many chicks as possible. OP, your being indoctrinated into the "lifestyle" before too long, if ya'll haven't crossed over "that line" you will soon, in fact, your having stepped into a swingers club means the moment is coming very soon, where you will not only have to witness him with another woman but you will have another man ontop of you and your fairy tale will be over. I don't care where his testosterone levels are it's his moral compass which is not properly alingned, get counseling, and start preparing yourself to swing, or divorce, which ever is preferrable to you. I see it and I don't even own a crystal ball.
Recommended Posts