sunbeauty71 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Hi Im new here, Sorry but Im having a bad day so I hope this doesnt sound too gloomy hmmm but it will. Id be here forever to write the whole story but briefly I met him 2.5yrsw ago, we fell in love, it was beautiful and my heart decided I had found the one, I knew I would marry this man one day.....hmmmpffff well seems I couldnt be further from the truth...dumb heart!!! Anyway to cut a long story short that last yr and ahalf has been a nightmare of a rollercoaster ride, I became pregnant (unplanned) and the timing was way off and couldnt have been worse. He had just had a property settlement in court that was not in his favour and a custody battle for his children from his previous divorce (yes was divorced when we met but the legal battle took forever and even though I was worried he needed to go sort it out first he convinced me it was no big deal..huh!!) So at the end of the day I found myself pregnant with a man who had just literally changed over night to a broken man who had no trust for women and was all of a sudden blinded with a fear of commitment on any level. He was happy about us having the baby at first but later expressed doubt...I felt I had to make a choice wether to ruin his life further or potentially ruin my own mental health for the rest of my life if I aborted. In the end after much contemplation and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders I went ahead with the pregnancy. I now have a beautiful 5month old. Unfortunately rocky became the only way to say how we went after that, he actually did help with some support during the pregnancy but pulled back a few months before I had her then he came good for the first 3 months after she was born and then he just seemed to get depressed was angry at me and just not much help at all. I on top of all that was exhausted emotional and angry.....it just turned into a mess and slowly disintergrated right before my eyes. This whole thing has torn me up and I am heartbroken, some days Im good others I pine away for him like today, underneath all the emotional crap we ended up in I still loved him very much. I do understand he was trying up until a point as well until it just got too hard. Its just all so sad and I struggle day to day raising this baby alone, Im sad for my daughter who doesnt get to have her complete family together, Im sad he didnt want to stay with us, Im sad everything was such a mess and happened at the wrong time....Im just hollow depressed and afraid, I know I can be alone but I dont want to be.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 At one month I was feeling exactly how you are. Emotions come in waves - totally okay, totally not okay. The good news is the cloud will lift eventually. Its only been one month, by month two you'll look back on month one and be like "wow things have improved", month two will still suck, but you'll notice an improvement. Same goes for when you get into month three (thats me). It slowly climbs back up. You'll get there!
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