Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 pandagirl, if online dating doesn't get you hyped to date, don't do it! This is an avenue of dating that totally disinterests me. It's just like catalogue shopping. What you see and chat with online isn't necessarily what you get. I agree that you should just get out and do things, if you're finding your existing social network isn't providing you with dating material. If you enjoy sports, try some form of co-ed sport. If you like to ski, get an odd number of friends together and see if you can't ride the chair with some cute guy. If you enjoy drawing or painting, take some courses.
Author pandagirl Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Well, I canceled on the guy for tonight, BUT I rescheduled. I'm not feeling too hot today, and the thought of going out with a sniffly nose and headache wasn't too appealing. I think for awhile, I was really to push myself out of my comfort zone. Though I have tons of friends and an active social life, I never went out for the purpose of meeting guys -- that just doesn't appeal to me. So, I turned to online dating as a way to "practice date" and be more open to different kinds of people. I met one guy who I actually had a connection with, which was surprising and great. The rest were flatliners. A good match for some other girl, but just not me. So yes, I think all of you are right when you say maybe online dating isn't right for me. It feels like going on dates are "assignments. Like, "will this person work out or this person or that person?" There's all this expectation and it makes me feel weird. Like someone isn't trying to get to know me for ME, but just if I'm someone they just want to date. Does that make sense? 99% of the time, you just blow through date after date without making any meaningful connection. You end up feeling empty. But if online dating isn't the right venue for me, then what is? I know it's possible to make connection in real life, because I have before, but seriously -- it's like one connection every three years! I'm not particularly frustrated or lonely being single, but I know someday down the road, I will want to share my life with someone.
Isolde Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 How many people really have time for a lot of hobbies? Even if you just work 9-5, taking on three hobbies isn't really feasible. And even then, the chance of meeting someone there's romantic chem. with is pretty small. I'm not saying this isnt a good idea, but taking on a full plate of hobbies and losing precious sleep shouldn't be necessary to find dates. Most people I know met SO's through school, work, work related things, or online, or randomly... I think you have a better chance meeting a quality person randomly than through ahobby
CandyGirlXO Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Sucks, right? Yep. Been there. Good news for me is that it seems I have found the soulmate I have been searching for all this time. Five good months and he's still the same person I met the first day. We agreed to be exclusive this past weekend. Where did I meet him? Online, of course. Yahoo Personals, to be precise. Just when I was almost giving up.. It can happen. CONGRATS How long were you single?
Isolde Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Well, I canceled on the guy for tonight, BUT I rescheduled. I'm not feeling too hot today, and the thought of going out with a sniffly nose and headache wasn't too appealing. I think for awhile, I was really to push myself out of my comfort zone. Though I have tons of friends and an active social life, I never went out for the purpose of meeting guys -- that just doesn't appeal to me. So, I turned to online dating as a way to "practice date" and be more open to different kinds of people. I met one guy who I actually had a connection with, which was surprising and great. The rest were flatliners. A good match for some other girl, but just not me. So yes, I think all of you are right when you say maybe online dating isn't right for me. It feels like going on dates are "assignments. Like, "will this person work out or this person or that person?" There's all this expectation and it makes me feel weird. Like someone isn't trying to get to know me for ME, but just if I'm someone they just want to date. Does that make sense? 99% of the time, you just blow through date after date without making any meaningful connection. You end up feeling empty. But if online dating isn't the right venue for me, then what is? I know it's possible to make connection in real life, because I have before, but seriously -- it's like one connection every three years! I'm not particularly frustrated or lonely being single, but I know someday down the road, I will want to share my life with someone. Uh-huh, again, same here.
tanbark813 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 So yes, I think all of you are right when you say maybe online dating isn't right for me. It feels like going on dates are "assignments. Like, "will this person work out or this person or that person?" There's all this expectation and it makes me feel weird. Like someone isn't trying to get to know me for ME, but just if I'm someone they just want to date. Does that make sense? 99% of the time, you just blow through date after date without making any meaningful connection. You end up feeling empty. What do you do on your dates? I think if you go out with the focus being on making a connection then you're putting too much pressure on both yourself and your date and it does become kind of like an assignment. If the focus is more on having a good time regardless of connection then you might find the entire process more enjoyable. A lot of my first dates have consisted of karaoke at a bar whenever possible. That way even if the girl sucks at least I know I'll have fun regardless. If it were coffee date after coffee date ad nauseum then I can see how that would be more of a chore. Finally, dating is very much a numbers game. The more people you meet the more likely you are to find that connection.
Author pandagirl Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 What do you do on your dates? I think if you go out with the focus being on making a connection then you're putting too much pressure on both yourself and your date and it does become kind of like an assignment. If the focus is more on having a good time regardless of connection then you might find the entire process more enjoyable. A lot of my first dates have consisted of karaoke at a bar whenever possible. That way even if the girl sucks at least I know I'll have fun regardless. If it were coffee date after coffee date ad nauseum then I can see how that would be more of a chore. Finally, dating is very much a numbers game. The more people you meet the more likely you are to find that connection. A first date ALWAYS entails meeting for a drink at at bar. This is NYC. This is what people do. haha. I agree that you should focus on just having a good time, but I feel like everyone is looking for The One. Or just wanting Someone. As for the "numbers game" theory. I'm sure that theory holds weight, but it's completely antithetical to my nature. I'm not a numbers person. I am not able to go meet person after person after person. I have always treated relationships, platonic or romantic, the same throughout my life: I cultivate relationships, slowly but surely, and I make them last. (Unfortunately, most of my ex-boyfriend's didn't have that same outlook. ) I think this is why I had such a hard time letting go to the last guy I dated, or any guy I've dated. It's because I *did* feel a connection with him, and because I know it's rare and so seldom for me -- we're talking years and year can go by and this doesn't happen -- it was hard to let go.
Author pandagirl Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 I like dating, it's fun. It is nice meeting women and having a good time with them, immersing in conversation and the date itself. I need this attitude!
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 i agree B_A but it takes a LOT to get two totally different people with different backgrounds, mentalities, emotions & experiences on the same page... It all depends on the people and the circumstances of their lives. I have dated 5 women in all my years of being eligible for the relationship arena. All my relationships that were face to face lasted about two weeks to a month stretching (meaning the amount of time actually in the same room). I had three online romances (1 was a hoax, another lasted like 3 months before we spent a week together, but ended after we lost contact when I was in Okinawa, and the last one died due to the hardships of deristance). However, I know a guy who was in the Airforce. He met his wife by chance in a airport, they did not date more than a month before they were married and they had been married like 12 years when I met them. Love is one of the greatest mysteries in life and that is why it upsets me how poorly people treat it, taking the blessing of it for granted when others like myself are dying for it and would do anything to have it in their lives.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 That's a very real possibility. Can someone have "online dating fatigue"? I'm a candidate. That's why I'm reluctant to write-off forever the online dating scene. The problem may lie with me. Perhaps all I need do is recharge. That could be it, "fatigue." Its like looking for a job or that lost sock or what have you. You do all you can to look for it. Then, you take a break and see if it will just pop out of nowhere. And then, you realize it looks like neither is working. Or you go there the same thing over and over and over again only to get the same results. That's when it may be time to take a break. Step back, focus on yourself, reevaluate what your doing, make the necessary changes, and then go at it again. Or sometimes just taking a "vacation" from the situation until your relaxed and ready to hit the issue again. Right now I am on a relationship break. My primary focus now is finding a job and figuring out what I want to take up in college next year. Do I want to continue my degree in computer science or do I want to enhance my artistic nature? While they won't replace love, they will make most of my day more active and give me less time to sit down and think about it.
Lucky555 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I agree i am not fond of dating and wasting time. ECT all the bs that goes with it. I have completely given up. I really have. I have no desire to sign up for online dating. I look at pictures and read profiles but nothing prompts me to send them a hello want to get to know you message. and the last time i viewed this was 2 months ago. Have i met any potential guys? not so much. I have the same problem they may be impressed by me BUT i am not impressed by them. Not to sound "cocky" myself but when i do talk to guys they are impressed and a lot have called me beautiful. BUT i have yet to discover a man that WANTS even a relationship. It seems these days men are very scared of entering into a commitment. Its not like we are getting married or anything what the heck! Even the ones i do see are all in college since i am in college...BUT i know a lot of them are either engaged, married, play around a lot, and they are busy with studies. I know this because i am really busy myself. If i met a guy that understood this wow it would be incredible. I think even this is a lost cause clearly I'm not very motivated to date. lol
Mary3 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I just dont feel like wasting gas in my car , getting fixed up for some loser who is going to talk about his ex and fidget with the check. Its just easier to go out with my girlfriends , lol !
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Sounds like your career choices are what keep you in such an unstable point in life to find love. Unfortunately, it is about choice. I'd tell anyone that if they really want marriage and family in life, then pushing to become the top-paid exec isn't going to help that. I don't know a lot of execs who have happy marriages and families. Seriously. I see them divorced or never married. Long term does mean you might have to put a glass ceiling on your ambitions, or give up the idea of love and push to get to the top. It's why they say "it's lonely at the top". Well, if I was just working to be an exec - forget it, I wouldn't sacrifice much for that. But yeah I made the concious choice a while ago if I couldn't go after my dream then not worth having kids anyway, c'est la vie. Oh cool. I moved to the other side of the world where I can hardly speak the language. I found that dating is actually a great way to learn the language. If it is not a secret where are you moving from and to? London to Japan
lovestruck818 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 The thing I hate about dating is how the rules are so defined. If a girl calls a guy, then that's wrong? I find if I call him to show interest, then he gets scared and backs away...yet if I don't call then he will think I am disinterested. Why is it ok for a guy to call but not a girl? Why can't I call a guy and show interest without him thinking I am a complete psycho?
lovestruck818 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 You can call! Are you a guy? It's funny b/c all the guys I ask are like "it's ok to call" and the girls are like "let him chase you." F' it- I'm calling- hah.
flc Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I like dating, it's fun. It is nice meeting women and having a good time with them, immersing in conversation and the date itself. This is the attitude. If you wrap yourself up in every date being a test for your soulmate or LTR then your going to be disappointed more often than not. When I started dating again I consciously focused on it as a way to just meet new people, have some fun and if I found we enjoyed each others company we would continue to see each other. I dated exclusively from online and after dating about 15 women I found two women that I enjoyed enough to continue with, one lasted about 2 months and she decided she did not want to be exclusive while I was looking for more at that point. The second I have been with for about 5 months now and we are exclusive and it has been great. Btw her English is fair and my Spanish is pretty poor but we still love being together and communicating can be a fun exercise along with cultural difference. I could look at is as a problem or a fun challenge I choose the latter.
Bells Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Here I am, wanting to blow off another online date, but I'm willing myself not to, because, well, I already agreed I would go and that would just be incredibly rude of me to cancel. But, really -- I hate dating. The process of getting to know someone, see if there is chemistry, the awkwardness, the energy taken up by someone who you probably won't end up with: it all quite fruitless and boring to me. It's not that I don't find people interesting or am some misanthrope, but it's just all this pomp and circumstance and a lot of contrived behavior that I really dislike. (Or maybe I just shouldn't be doing online dating, because the whole premise of online dating is, inherently, quite contrived. But meeting people in real-life is hard to do, when you're not into the bar scene.) Not to sound conceited, but I know guys like me. I'm not a beauty, but I am cute enough, and I can usually impress them with my humor and witty banter. The problem is, guys seldom impress *me.* I know in order to find the right guy, I have to meet a lot of the wrong ones, but what if you have no patience or tolerance for that? Being blatanly stood up so many times doesn't help matters either. You REALLY want to accelerate your HATE in dating....just be stood up a few times...that speeds the process up
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