snoopy girl Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 i've had lots of issues with my husband about trust and i have a hard time trusting him, not long ago i found some deleted sites of massage places 40 miles out of town in the opposite direction of where he works, said he didn't look them up, blamed our girls 17 yrs. & 10 yrs, he has talk about getting a massage in the passed and i was all for it, he even got a 30 min one at the mall, i was with him, said he enjoyed it. i didn't think to much of it but now, i can't stop thinking about what i found on the computer.he had looked up asian massage. after i did some looking into it, i'm not to sure if he has went. i have'nt found alot about this and do alot of men do these things. i've ask friends about massage places and they don't seem to know much.
JamesM Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Why he lied about it only makes his actions suspect. I did not realize that Asian Massage Parlors had websites. BUT....since you mentioned the Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs), then I can give you an idea of what may happen there. It is not a guarantee, but most men who visit them go there for more than a massage. Those that want massages seek them out at spas that offer professional and licensed massages. AMPs are not licensed. In fact, the "massage therapists" are young Asian girls who are rotated amongst AMPs, and many are even kidnapped from their home country and made to work in the US as prostitutes. If your husband is not careful, then he could end up in an LE (Law Enforcement) sting. Usually, they do offer massages, but the massages are not as "good" as the ones at professional massage spas. AMPs are actually fronts for prostitution. This is a fact and is not my opinion. "Services" offered range from HJs (hand jobs) to BJs (bl*w j*bs) to FS (full service or sexual intercourse). Why do I tell you these terms? Because it may help you understand the sites he is visiting. Simply because he looks them up does NOT mean he has visited or even plans on visiting. While it is possible that your daughters looked up the sites, it is not as likely. Not impossible because kids do talk and maybe they WERE curious about them. If your husband looked up the sites, then he could be embarrassed because he does know what happens there...or he has been told or he read. The cost may be somewhat prohibitive. A massage will cost the same as at most licensed massage places. An hour can be $60 or so, but to get extra services...known as a "happy ending," one needs to tip. Based on what I have read on the internet, this can range from an additional $50 to $150 for that hour. It is the girl's job to get as much money as possible, and get the service performed in the least amount of time as possible. If your husband can spend that kind of money without your knowledge, then you have additional problems regarding financial accountability between the two of you...or you are richer than I. The actual order of the sessions are as follows: The client enters and is led to a room. There is instructed to get "ready" (ie take his clothes off). He is asked if he wants an hour or a half hour. Money is exchanged. The client is offered a shower performed by the girl. He then is invited to sit in a sauna, while the girl gets the room ready. It is suspected by those who have visited and reported on the web, that during this time, the client's clothes are searched for possible LE evidence. Then the client is offered a massage. During this time, the girl hints at extras, and if the client has a clue about the hints, he indicates what he wants. Money is exchanged as a "tip," and the service is performed. If actual services are offered at a given rate, then it is prostitution. But if it is called a "tip" without an indication as to what will be received, then it can be considered not prostitution. However, most cops can still prosecute with just this info. The "happy ending" is conducted. The "massage session" is then ended. Obviously, this sort of session can lead to all sorts of problems. Theft of the client's money, a possible bust by the LE, and of course, the client can catch numerous STDs. This does not even consider the possible mugging or assault that can happen outside of the AMPS...as most are located in the "seedier" side of town. Many of these places are also owned by crime families. The women are not alone. Men are there as protectors. This sort of establishment is not for the weak or faint of heart. Truthfully, men should be scared for their money, reputation, and even in some cases, their lives. Out of curiosity, has your husband cheated on you in the past? Has he been into porn quite heavily? Do you suspect him of ever visiting adult bookstores or escorts/prostitutes? Why would he be suddenly interested in massages even if he went to one with you? Why do you not trust him? What are the issues?
PrincessPeach Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Maybe he didn't know what an Asian Massage Parlor was (I certainly didn't before JamesM's post) and was just looking for a massage place and clicked on a link to one. When he figured out what it was he might have been embarassed about and tried to hide it. I don't think this scenario is very likely. Another unlikely scenario is that your kids heard about these AMP's at school or from friends and didn't know what they were and were curious. They looked it up online and then when they realized something bad they didn't want to get in trouble and tried erasing their tracks. I know when iIwas young sometimes I felt like not admitting that I didn't know something in front of my friends so they wouldn't think less of me or that I was dumb. I'd then try to find out on my own what those things were so that I would know if it came up again. Why do you two have trust issues? Things like that are rarely a one way street. A lot fo the fault may lie on him, but some probably does with you too. He may think that you are too intrusive or that you shouldn't snoop through his things. He would see your snooping as a sign that you didn't initally trust him. Almost everyone has things they like to keep private and probably don't appreciate when others, even or especially a loved one, goes searching for those things. You should look for ways to rebuild your trust to each other and to keep yourself from looking for reasons not to trust him as it will only fuel your lack of trust in him regardless of whether or not he is doing anything worth being suspicious of. When we go looking for bad things, we find them even if there isn't anything bad there. We percieve things to be bad just because we put them into a theoretical context to make them bad.
Author snoopy girl Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 thank you james m for your help, it is an eye opener for me, trust, well, i can say it was my husband that was looking on these sites because in the pass he would always look at porn. he's had broken promises of not looking at them when the kids are around. after 25 yrs with him i am just alittle bit freaked out about this whole thing, he said to me that all men look and that is just the way it is, there is no mister perfect and if so he is gay. i try to understand this but all of our marriage he has been in strip clubs with work related things, always around women at work, e-mails them and talks personal stuff and it maybe little stuff to him but he would not let me look or talk to any gooding men they way he does the women he is around, tells me that men only want one thing from women so stay far from them when you are not with me. if a man is kind to me in any way he says that they they want me. not true i say. men can be nice without anyother thing in mind. i have a very controling husband and when i confront him with anything i fell is off, he yells at me and sometime its scary. tells me i have a problem.
JamesM Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 The reason he says man cannot be nice without something else on their mind is because that is his motivation. This is not every man's motivation. And his double standard is disgusting IMO. Now I see why you are concerned. I would say that if he has not visited an AMP, he plans to do so. Whether he does it remains to be seen. Ways to tell.... He will have a different smell. He may even have wet hair. He may take longer to get home from work or may have to work late. He may smell fresh like he had a shower. Or when he gets home, he may quick go take a shower before talking with you. Does he look at Asian porn? Does he come home at different times occasionally? Does he travel and stay overnight in motels? Not all men look at women with sex on their mind. This does not mean that if you and I were talking that I would not appreciate you as a woman, but it does mean that I can respect my wife and still have platonic relationships with you. And yes, I can simply have a friendship without hoping that it goes farther. Men that tell their wives this do not trust their wives or the men who talk to them because they themselves are not trustworthy. BTW, do you have a saltwater aquarium? I see that you have a Copperband Butterflyfish for your avatar.
Author snoopy girl Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 james you are right, i feel like at one time the trust was not an issue with us but in time bits of it was taken from me. when i tell him i don't trust him he gets mad so i try to hide how i feel about it, just so my girls won't have to hear us. i try to keep our girls out of our problems but my husband will tell our oldest some of the crap that i have found out about him. he will tell her that i have loss my mind, i have ask him not to do this but i think he does it to get the girls on his side. i then tell my daughter that he is right, not to worry, i guess i must have made a mistake. the last post i made someone told me he is a gaslighter soooo true. my eyes are wide open now and i'm not sure that is good sometimes i think, what you don't know won't hurt you. and now what i know hurts me deeply. thank you for your help and my avatar i found on the net, i thought it was so beautiful i just had to have it. i have no fish, never had good luck with them but i love to watch them.
InLimbo2 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Well, James doesn't patronize Asian Massage Parlors, but evidently he's looked them up on the web extensively. His wife could be writing the same - he'd been researching them on the net. Just a thought about jumping to conclusions.... Why he lied about it only makes his actions suspect. I did not realize that Asian Massage Parlors had websites. BUT....since you mentioned the Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs), then I can give you an idea of what may happen there. It is not a guarantee, but most men who visit them go there for more than a massage. Those that want massages seek them out at spas that offer professional and licensed massages. AMPs are not licensed. In fact, the "massage therapists" are young Asian girls who are rotated amongst AMPs, and many are even kidnapped from their home country and made to work in the US as prostitutes. If your husband is not careful, then he could end up in an LE (Law Enforcement) sting. Usually, they do offer massages, but the massages are not as "good" as the ones at professional massage spas. AMPs are actually fronts for prostitution. This is a fact and is not my opinion. "Services" offered range from HJs (hand jobs) to BJs (bl*w j*bs) to FS (full service or sexual intercourse). Why do I tell you these terms? Because it may help you understand the sites he is visiting. Simply because he looks them up does NOT mean he has visited or even plans on visiting. While it is possible that your daughters looked up the sites, it is not as likely. Not impossible because kids do talk and maybe they WERE curious about them. If your husband looked up the sites, then he could be embarrassed because he does know what happens there...or he has been told or he read. The cost may be somewhat prohibitive. A massage will cost the same as at most licensed massage places. An hour can be $60 or so, but to get extra services...known as a "happy ending," one needs to tip. Based on what I have read on the internet, this can range from an additional $50 to $150 for that hour. It is the girl's job to get as much money as possible, and get the service performed in the least amount of time as possible. If your husband can spend that kind of money without your knowledge, then you have additional problems regarding financial accountability between the two of you...or you are richer than I. The actual order of the sessions are as follows: The client enters and is led to a room. There is instructed to get "ready" (ie take his clothes off). He is asked if he wants an hour or a half hour. Money is exchanged. The client is offered a shower performed by the girl. He then is invited to sit in a sauna, while the girl gets the room ready. It is suspected by those who have visited and reported on the web, that during this time, the client's clothes are searched for possible LE evidence. Then the client is offered a massage. During this time, the girl hints at extras, and if the client has a clue about the hints, he indicates what he wants. Money is exchanged as a "tip," and the service is performed. If actual services are offered at a given rate, then it is prostitution. But if it is called a "tip" without an indication as to what will be received, then it can be considered not prostitution. However, most cops can still prosecute with just this info. The "happy ending" is conducted. The "massage session" is then ended. Obviously, this sort of session can lead to all sorts of problems. Theft of the client's money, a possible bust by the LE, and of course, the client can catch numerous STDs. This does not even consider the possible mugging or assault that can happen outside of the AMPS...as most are located in the "seedier" side of town. Many of these places are also owned by crime families. The women are not alone. Men are there as protectors. This sort of establishment is not for the weak or faint of heart. Truthfully, men should be scared for their money, reputation, and even in some cases, their lives. Out of curiosity, has your husband cheated on you in the past? Has he been into porn quite heavily? Do you suspect him of ever visiting adult bookstores or escorts/prostitutes? Why would he be suddenly interested in massages even if he went to one with you? Why do you not trust him? What are the issues?
JamesM Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Well, James doesn't patronize Asian Massage Parlors, but evidently he's looked them up on the web extensively. His wife could be writing the same - he'd been researching them on the net. Just a thought about jumping to conclusions.... And that is one of the reasons I say that just because he has visited sites does not mean he has visited the massage parlors themselves. I am still puzzled that they have websites. Now MY curiosity may lead me to looking at them. BTW, my info came from websites forums...along the lines of this one but with nefarious purposes. I think many here would be sickened by what the married men there said and reported of their visits to parlors and escorts.
Author snoopy girl Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 limbo2, i don't know what he is doing on the net, it could be just porn stuff, but as time goes on, its more and more of the same bs, but now he is differant and my gut tells me to watch closely, before in the pass when i felt this way i would'nt do anything, but let him now he hurt me and hope it would stop. i do not know if he has cheated on me but all the signs are there, the net has helped me to see, just like this site love shack, everyone is very helpful like jame. i asked anyone if they knew anything about what i had posted and he was very helpful as well as you, i try to stop and think things through before i say anything to him and i guess deep down i hope he would just stop the crap. so i could stop this, asking for help tell everyone my problems, i guess the best thing is that i can tell someone my true feelings without showing face.
Charles1978 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I jumped to the end of the thread to let you in on something about massage parlors..... they are whore houses. I have never gone to one, but I have friends who have. That's all they are. You have a right to be concerned.
JamesM Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I jumped to the end of the thread to let you in on something about massage parlors..... they are whore houses. I have never gone to one, but I have friends who have. That's all they are. You have a right to be concerned. Read the second post, and you will find details as to what happens at these "whore houses."
Author snoopy girl Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 i guess what makes me sick is that i married a man that i did not see this side to him. yes he likes porn as well as alot of men, yes he likes to look at women as well as lots of men, but this side of him that i found out about is just alittle creepy. i blocked alot of the crap out that he was doing because i just did'nt think my husband was a creep. alot of what men do i call "the secrete society of men" that is, what i think men do behind wives back that involve women, nudie bars, massage parlours, nasty women in bars. alot of men know this goes on and never would tell the wives. like.... my husband had to do business out of town for 4 days and when i pick him up at the airport, he looked like he had the worst hangover ever, said he did'nt feel good, but smelled like alcohol. only after i keeped asking what went on, he told me, class durning the day and bars at night with the guys, lots of nude bars, said it was part of his job, get over it. i feel he used his job to do all kinds of thing that was not good for our marriage and only now 25 yrs. i am paying for it with pain and mistrust. please tell me if you know of anything else out there that men do that they don't tell the wives. i don't want to be in the dark anymore.
JamesM Posted November 18, 2008 Posted November 18, 2008 please tell me if you know of anything else out there that men do that they don't tell the wives. i don't want to be in the dark anymore. There are alot of things men do without telling their wives, but truthfully, very few men do the things that betray their wives' trust. Listing the many possibilities may have nothing to do with your husband, so it may be less than beneficial. However, it is safe to say that if he is going to topless and nude bars and visiting massage parlor sites, then he might be engaging in numerous illicit sexual activities. The main thing now is to decide if this marriage can be rebuilt. To know the answer to that is to know what your husband is thinking about his future with you. As for you, it may be of benefit to get yourself tested for STDs at some point.
Author snoopy girl Posted November 18, 2008 Author Posted November 18, 2008 i had that done and i am happy to say clean. your right james, maybe i am looking at this as if he did something wrong, but my friend told me. if it looks like a lemond and smells like a lemond, well it must be a lemond so with that, my mind have been going a hundred miles an hour. maybe i just want to catch him at something before he does something wrong. trust is the issue and i have a hard time with it. my mom has always told me not to dig to deep that men will be men, my father was a sailor, if that tells you something. she has said don't be hard on him, you will lose him. so all these years i have said things that i did not like him doing, but never did anything about it, in time it just got to be more and more.
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