msjules Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 My boyfriend broke up with me six weeks ago. I have not seen him for seven weeks and I am still as heartbroken as I was when things ended. We met at work and were good friends for 3 1/2 years before we started dating. I took a job in another part of our agency a year ago, which meant we would not see as much of each other as we had in the past. It was at that point that he told me he wanted to date me. I fell in love with him almost right away. Well, his job with our agency ended on 9/30 as the grant that funded his position ended on that day. He had not been able to find another job before that time. In addition, about a month earlier he had started on the Atkins diet as he is approximately 120 lbs overweight. When he broke it off with me, he said that he needed to take a break from our relationship in order to focus on getting his life together...finding a new job and continuing to lose weight. He said it was hard for him to lose weight when I was eating normally. It was too tempting for him, he said. I offered to eat what he ate when we went out, I pleaded and begged, but nothing would change his mind. A week later, he told me that the breakup was permanent and that we would not be taking a break after all. I am having a hard time with the breakup mainly because it was so sudden. The night before things started to unravel, he told his best friend's mother how much he loved me. We did not fight. There was no distancing on his part, no sign at all that he was thinking of leaving. I trusted this man like I have never trusted another person in my life. For almost 4 1/2 years our relationship was very close and we had mutual respect and admiration for each other. He sends me text messages every week to see how I am doing as he wants to go back to being friends but he doesn't want much contact while he is unemployed because he is ashamed. I have been telling him I am fine but yesterday I texted back and told him the truth.....that I am not fine, I am in terrible pain. He has not responded. I am lost. I have not slept well in weeks. A few hours ago I had yet another spell of uncontrollable crying. I miss him so much and do not understand why we couldn't try to make things work. I don't care if he is temporarily unemployed.......we could have stayed together during this time. It's almost as if he is hiding something from me..... I don't know. There isn't another woman in his life, I know that. My friends think that he has a secret that he doesn't want me to find out about and that's why he ended things. I don't know. I am so confused. We went from talking on the phone everyday to a text message every week or so. Does anyone have any idea of how I can better cope with this breakup? I have never had someone break up with me before....hard as it is to believe, I am 45 and have never had this happen before. I feel like I am a piece of trash that has been thrown away.
EmperorR Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I know how your feeling, I know the feeling of being tossed to the side like a old rug, and it sucks. If you haven't done so initiate no contact, stop replying to any text messages he sent, don't send any, don't call, if he calls don't answer. It's the best/quickest way to heal yourself and move on. I know how difficult and heartbroken you must feel, its tough someone you loved trusted like no one else on this world, someone you would die suddenly changes and your nothing to them but a piece of gum under their shoe. I've been there couldn't sleep for weeks, lost crazy weight, felt like no one could understand my pain or what I was going through. Had a knot in my stomach, heart racing couldn't get my mind off my ex, then I did NC. Not seeing him in 7 weeks is a good step, continue that, if you contact him stop, if he contacts you and you feel the urge to reply just keep it short and sweet. You can get through this, I'd also like to add maybe he is having a mid life crisis, but again there is nothing you can do to change his mind etc., only he can.
Author msjules Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Thank you very much for your reply. I am glad that I am not alone in my situation, though I am sorry for your loss as well. I have not initiated no contact, but I will. He says he wants to be friends, but I simply cannot do that at least not right now. He has been part of my life for many years and I cannot imagine not having him in it, but I guess it is for the best. This hurts SO BAD. Thanks again for your thoughts and advice.
Vince Black Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 First stop feeling like a piece of trash. How to cope? -Feel like crying ......cry. -Fell like yelling?....yell. But what you shouldn't do is try and figure out what's going on. And i know thats easy to say....and hard to do. We all want some info. It really sounds to me like he is having some personal/emotional issues that has nothing to do with you. Let him figure it out.....give him some space Take the time to do your own soul searching..better yourself, make yourself happy
Author msjules Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 Oh wow.........all I have been doing for weeks now is trying to figure out what happened. A friend last night also told me that this has nothing to do with me --- it's him and his emotional issues. I will try to let go of trying to figure it out. And yes, it is hard. Just because he treated me like trash doesn't mean I have to accept that that's what I am. You guys are great, thank you so much.
Author msjules Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 I have been having panic attacks for several weeks now. When on the very rare occasions when my ex and I have spoken or texted, I have been keeping myself very together and acting as if nothing is wrong. Until last night. I texted him after drinking too much (something I hardly ever do) and told him that I was a nervous wreck and that it was due to the way he broke up with me (which was totally bizarre and traumatic.) It's true, I AM a wreck because of how he did it. I am sick of these panic attacks and I wanted to let him know that his actions were hurtful. Of course I got no response. So this morning I texted him AGAIN to tell him I was sorry for what I had done the night before. No response. It's killing me inside. I know that I have to do NC, but it is so hard. I cannot imagine my life without him in it. I cry EVERY NIGHT and just when I think I am getting better I seem to get worse again. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever end.
jgaz3124 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I have been having panic attacks for several weeks now. When on the very rare occasions when my ex and I have spoken or texted, I have been keeping myself very together and acting as if nothing is wrong. Until last night. I texted him after drinking too much (something I hardly ever do) and told him that I was a nervous wreck and that it was due to the way he broke up with me (which was totally bizarre and traumatic.) It's true, I AM a wreck because of how he did it. I am sick of these panic attacks and I wanted to let him know that his actions were hurtful. Of course I got no response. So this morning I texted him AGAIN to tell him I was sorry for what I had done the night before. No response. It's killing me inside. I know that I have to do NC, but it is so hard. I cannot imagine my life without him in it. I cry EVERY NIGHT and just when I think I am getting better I seem to get worse again. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever end. It will end, it may take awhile but it will end. One day you are just going to wake up and be sick of the whole drama of it and thats when you will start to move on. As far as NC goes yes that is def. the best way to do it, but don't beat yourself up if you do contact him, just start over and try not to anymore. You will see one day you won't even have the desire to anymore. Trust me I have been here many times before and I am currently here now, its a process that you have to go thru but you will get thru it.
Author msjules Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 We were such good friends for years before this and we had an agreement, almost a pact between us, that we would remain friends should we ever break up. I don't think that is going to happen and I think losing him as a friend hurts even more than losing him as a lover. For weeks I was in denial and plotted how I would get him back. At least I am not doing that anymore. I am beginning to accept that this is real and that it's permanent and although it's killing me inside, is this what is called progress? It still hurts like hell.
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