My story (Veeeery Long, Sorry you have been warned)

[Hurtbunny]

I want to first say how brave I think all of you are. I've been reading a lot of your posts and the similarities are shocking.

 

I was seeing my ex for around 2 months (a very short time I know.) During this time we had a life changing trip together where we lived in halls of residence halfway across the world within a small group. This obviously drew us closer, i guess it was the 'Big Brother' effect.

 

Right from the start I knew this guy was trouble. In order to get with me he had been seeing another girl who was staying with us out there, and when he decided to get with me (he did all the chasing) he promptly IGNORED the other girl, didn't reply to her other texts, nothing.

 

The poor girl was left to ask ME whether he was interested in her or I still, and confessed to me that she still had feelings for him. HUUUUUGE RED FLAG NUMBER 1!

 

I know what you guys are thinking. What an idiot. She should have known what he was like. Well, I was incredibly attracted to this guy. I'm talking, full blown, absolute must have him, MAGNETIC attraction, that I had never felt before.

 

Before ANYTHING happened with me and him, i made him PROMISE to me (yeah, right!) that he would apologise to said girl, give her the respect and dignity she righly deserved, and then I said, we could be a couple and get together. Well, he never did. He kept saying tomorrow! Or next week! Or i haven't found the right time! In the meantine we got closer and closer, shared each others life stories, slept together, started doing coupley things, the whole nine yards.

 

By the time we came home I had completely fallen for him. Stars, Sun and Moon. I was on an absolute high to touch him or be close to him. He promised me the Earth. I met his friends and his housemates and spent a considerable amount of time at his house. We made so many plans together. I was in love with him, I still am. BUT i never let him forget how badly he had treated the other girl, and it was a constant battle between us. My main point was that he should have broken up with her in person, and he shouldn't have been such a coward with her. We discussed it over and over again, with him saying that it shouldn't matter how he treats other people because he had never done anything wrong to ME. He said he found it difficult to express emotion and that speaking to her would be awkward and embarrasing for them both.

 

Anyway, I let it slide but it was always in the back of my mind. I let him know under no uncertain terms that I thought he was bang out of order for the way he treated her. Little did i know he was about to do the same to me.

 

In the midst of all of this bliss we had a couple of bad arguments on the phone (very late at night, and we were both kind of cranky). I said some mean things to him (mainly because I was still pissed about him not apologising to the other girl)

 

I sent him a text saying how I had never really gotten over it, He needed to apologise to her, and also telling him a couple of other things he needed to sort out. it was a nasty text and I was angry. I guess I expected him to turn around and comply in order to not lose me. Boy, was I wrong.

 

The next day i get a TEXT MESSAGE!!! saying 'I don't think we should be together anymore. We're too different.'

 

OFC I am in denial, i go around to his house (I know, I know), I ring him, I leave voicemails, I do ALL the things i shouldnt do. I am panicking because I think I am losing him and i am scared. And he knows it.

 

He then IGNORES me at an event with ALL of our mutual friends (won't even look at me, turns his back on me, will do anything not to be near me)

 

At this point I am absolutely seething with him, hurt, upset, you name it. I expect a huuuuuge apology to apologise about his behaviour, the full works. I'm expecting some grandiose apology. (I know you are shaking your heads)

 

The next day I get a text saying 'Sorry about yesterday, but I need some time alone for a while.'

 

I replied and told him that I was ending it and not to contact me again. I'm sorry but I had to take that control back. I have maintained silence ever since (its been 3 weeks NC at all) in the hope he will see what he has lost and come crawling back but in all honestly why would I want him now?

 

I am absolutely heartbroken and devastated, to top it all off I have a letter he wrote me , a really mushy letter, which was totally unlike him. I guess I am clinging onto it in the hope that he really does have feelings for me. Pathetic , Huh?

 

I guess this post is all negative because of what happened but, he had many great qualities. i'm not an idiot and I factored in his emotional immaturity long before we had our first kiss or anything like that. The things he did to make me smile, the way he held me, the way he put up with my bad moods... i DEFINITELY wasn't perfect either. I was completely jealous and paranoid the whole time, so maybe I drove him away. (Again, I am inverting that anger inwards and blaming myself now)

 

*Sighs*

 

Sorry about the excruciatingly long post, I have read all of your posts with interest and intrigue as to how you can all remain so strong in the face of such total despair.

 

Take Care all

 

H x

[EmperorR]

Sorry he sounds like a douchebag, and you will be better off without him. Plus everything your trying calling him, driving to his house, text msgn him etc., just pushes him further away, as well as giving him power. GO NC, cut him off, block him, don't talk to him stay far away.

[Vince Black]

I'd say keep up the no contact.....it should serve as a time to help heal yourself.

 

Maybe even look at some of the signs that were on the wall(that the "feeling" of falling in love)

kept allowing you to put up with.

 

He needs to be alone......Let Him Be!!

 

Keep your chin up and pretty soon you wont be a .....Hurtbunny any longer

[lkjh]

I see your point that he did some bad things but if he was treating you good you shouldn't care about how he broke up with that girl. Is it possible that you felt bad about stealing another girls BF and you were trying to make it up to her? With that said just let him go and get on with your life.

[melissa123]

You needa let this guy go. He is absolutly not worth it.

Your post actually helped me alot to be honest.

 

My now ex bf got involved wit someone else just before we got together.

This poor person fell for him hard, really hard and my ex bf knew that.

He lead ther poor person on and they were quite intimate for a few weeks now.

Then I come along and he changed his mind and went for me instead.

 

Shut the poor person out of his life entirely, via txt.

This poor person would txt and txt but he would ignore it totally. They accepted the decision but still wanted friends but he ignored all that to.

When they were in the same room he would refuse to loook at the poor person and would turn his back everytime making a point of grabbing hold of me.

 

I let it go stupidly but then the same thing happened with me.

And honestly although you may love them, someone who behaves with so little respect for others is not worth it.

I thought my bf would come crawlling back to but he never did.

 

You ALWAYS tend to remember the good parts after a break up and tend to fantasise and make ur ex out to more than he/she really was.

But when you were together all you could think of was the bad things right?

 

I had so many problems with my ex and he really wasn't treating me that great but as soon as he left I suddenly only remember the good times and im absolutly shattered.

 

Try and make a list of all his good and also bad points. Im sure he wont turn out to be all he seems.

Im sorry that he is acting like this, I know how much it breaks one heart.

Try not to blame your self.

Your human, humans make mistakes and if you felt paranoid there would have been a reason for that.

[Hurtbunny]

Thanks for your replies everyone, i really appreciate them

 

Melissa know you are not alone and that it did leave a bitter taste in my mouth to see how the other girl got binned and disgarded! I always thought that if he could do it to her, he could do it to me. But he w as never officially going out with her, and he said it was only because he was bored and had nothign better at the time. He said that when he met me he had found someone he REALLY liked and wasn't going to let a stupid thing get in the way of it. He said that ignoring her was his way of dealing with it.

 

OFC I was wary and suspicious the whole time after it had got off to such a bad start. But he made me aware of some things in his life that had made him emotionally guarded. He opened up to me and admitted some things he had never admitted to anyone before.

 

He grew up in a foreign country where he never really fitted in, and amongst other things was sent off to an all boys boarding school where he learnt to bury his emotions. He actually told me at one point he had been bullied and had bullied other guys there, as that was the 'only way to survive'.

 

He is also in the army part time, which means that he is used to being in an all boys environment and really showing little emotion or remorse.

 

He also told me (in a text) that he had fallen for me like no other girl before. He was always doing things that made me think he was REALLY into me. He wrote in his letter how happy it made him to wake up next to me, how seeing me smile made him happy and all of these other things. For someone so emotionally retarded, this is big news for him. It made me feel as if I really was very important to him.

 

What makes it so hard is that we have all of the same mutual friends, and we have to see each other 3 times a week as we take the same class. No words can describe the pain I feel when i have to sit in the same room as him, knowing the way that he ended it. I have no closure.

 

I feel much stronger since i have passed the 3 week mark with the NC, and every week I feel more and more defiant.

 

OFC i miss him so much and I still cry a lot over it, but in a way it feels like I am punishing HIM since he now has to live his life without me.

 

I was always the one who got back in touch with him, apologised after arguments, did all of the running. It will slowly start to dawn on him that he has lost me for good and I hope it tortures him.

 

I know he won't get in touch with me since the very last time we spoke i told him to delete my number and never contact me again. So even if he does desperately miss me and want to contact me, his pride will not allow him to. In a weird way I feel as If I am holding the cards now, for it is to me If I ever get back in touch with him.

 

From what I have written it would be easy to think he is a jerk. But there are two sides to every story. There is MY way of seeing how it ended, HIS way of seeing how it ended, and the TRUTH of how it ended, which is a mixture of both our realities.

 

I don't think I am inverting that anger by admitting on reflection how I went wrong and what mistakes I made. I was suffocating, needy, bossy and demanding. I never looked beyond how he had treated the other girl. I let him know he was on borrowed time with me until he did the right thing and apologised to her. He said I was trying to control him.

 

I think he was a total **** for the way he ended it, and I think he treated me with little dignity and respect. I think he should be ashamed of not having the decency to treat me like a human being.

 

I am going to wait until the 4 week mark and take it week by week, seeing every week as a new goal. Hell will freeze over before I make contact with him. If he wants me, he comes to me, tail between legs, apologies in tow. Of course, knowing him that will never happen, but I do not have a self esteem problem. I know my worth and If he wants me that is what he will have to do.

 

I hope he does because I miss him so much. I think we would have issues to discuss but I would be willing to work through them. Everyone deserves a second chance. I want to stress how my ow behaviour has been far from perfect in that i continually crowded him with embarrasing, needy behaviour.

 

Again thanks for all replies you are helping me more than you know =)

 

H x

[ThomasX]

You obviously know he was f'd up, judging by all the things you wrote in those ()'s. You know you're better off. Guys like him are a dime a dozen. My opinion? Look for someone with looks who also has a heart.