Ex doing my head in and really struggling

[raestoz]

Hi all,

 

Long time reader - first time poster

 

Where to start - a bit about our relationship I guess.

 

We've been apart for about 18 months now after having been together for 9 years. Lots of assets together and no warning signs she was that unhappy. Things weren't too great in the last 12 months - I was rather depressed with my work situation, worrying about money and stuff so became withdrawn for a period.

 

We got engaged about 2 months before everything fell apart which REALLY did my head in as I loved her so much and why would someone say yes to getting married when they were unhappy.

 

I found that she had been having an online affair for a while with a guy on the Internet possibly for 3-4 months prior to the end - completely different country (Algeria) from where we were so I knew there was nothing physical but she refused to stop talking to him so we could work on us. Her parents asked her to stop the affair as well to try work on our relationship but she refused. We tried counselling and the counsellor looked absolutely mortified that I was there to try repair our relationship and she was sitting there talking about her feelings for this guy overseas and the counsellor basically said to me - your in deep **** and prepare for the worse. My partner just didn't want to hear that she only knew what she did about this guy because of what he had told her (online anonymity)On top of the stress and depression I was going through due to my work situation, well this drove me over the edge and I attempted suicide. Get let out of hospital, walked home and saw this online guy was now her wallpaper. She kept talking to him, even going out of her way to make sure I had an idea she was talking him - probably to deliberate provoke a reaction so if we did break up she'd feel justified. All she'd keep saying is 'he has nothing to do with us' so finally I pulled the plug and she moved out, sold the house, split everything up and all the time I'm completely heartbroken and bewildered because apart from the affair I had no idea as to why she did what she did.

 

What I wasn't expecting was that she wanted to keep in touch and gave off all the signals that she wanted to try reconcile. Talking on the phone for 2-3 hours a night, going out for lunch and dinner, movies etc. She did the worst thing and gave me hope and a false signal. I thought it was the start of reconciling and sent her the odd flowers and so forth and she'd always ring me gushing about the flowers I'd sent etc. Maybe it was all part of the plan - keep me happy while the house was for sale to make sure I didn't take it to court or something.

 

But then she started acting weird - organising things and then cancelling at the last minute etc and I had enough. I stopped trying to do stuff with her except maybe catch up for lunch with her every now and then in the city. When I got a new contract out of the city we pretty much lost touch for 12 months and I seemed to have gotten over the breakup and as silly as it sounds, I still loved her regardless of what she had put me through.

 

Fast forward 12 months, she spots me on Facebook and sends a cursory hello, how's everything going email and I guess curiosity got the better of me and I responded and we started chatting again. She even texted straight away about catching up face-to-face but I had other plans. But then she sank back into the squirrely ways - email's me telling me everything shes doing and barely responding to mine. Sounded like she was rubbing things in but since the communication line was open I figured I'd take the opportunity and ask her why she did it as probably the worst thing was not knowing her reasons for pulling the plug and starting the affair. Well that opened pandora's box - she blamed me for a bunch of things. Soem I agreed with, some I put the blame squarely back on her as I wouldn't let her blame me solely for the relationship falling apart.

 

I know I've probably brought this on myself by allowing her to contact me again but it's really brought up my old feelings for her and that I still love her as much as I did for those 9 years. But I can't get her out of my head now and I don't know how I can.

 

What can I do?

[Deegee]

GO NC, NOW!!!!

YOU DID IT BEFORE, AND YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!!

She doesn't sound like she's changed......please, she's toxic to you.....give her NO MORE thought, and TRY to move on with your life.

THERE IS NO ONE WORTH THIS KIND OF ANGUISH.....NO ONE!

Take care of yourself!

[wowIlose]

This is beyond repair, you where on the right path but this is only going to set you back. Every time those feelings creep up on you remind yourself of the pain and how you do not want to go there again. This is what I do and it works well for me. I think about the bad and not the good, I kill the nostalgia and things become clear real fast.

 

Do yourself a favor and delete her of facebook, then take the extra step on putting her on your block list so she can't contact you. I know this may seem harsh but this woman has nearly destroyed you... don't let her get to you again.

 

Good luck friend.

[mark982]

she's like a cancer, she'll eat you up till there's nothing left of you. go nc now.

[Sysyphus28]

I put a picture of a female demon on my phone and her number blinks(NOT WORTH MY TIME) if she calls.

 

I didn't want to block her #.............

I just want to NOT talk to her.

 

I keep myself busy........she is a buzzing fly and I am no longer her thrown away garbage to land on.

 

F --- that dumb ass b****

[mark982]

i'd block her number. everytime the phone rings, you'll look at it and think of her. block it and go complete nc.

[openbook08]

me too!

I changed my no, blocked his emails, deleted MY facebook acc.

best thing ever.

some people are too toxic for their own good.

[Peter_pan]

first thing i did was cut her lose. deleted her from face book , infact i deleted my own facebook bebo etc and just went into total nc. yeh broke it twice in the space of a week but then that was it. that was months ago.