RedDevil66 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 so why am I with him? Well not really sure! We've been together for 3 yrs. When we first met, I was happily single and didn't want to get into a r/s with him because he drank too much and has 2 kids. I never wanted my own kids so never wanted to date a man with kids. Him and I were really good friends but then one day, we started to like each other more than friends. It took us months to sleep together. His drinking slowed down and I met his kids. I was totally turned off right away and should have left right then and there. But didn't! His kids are 13 and 11 and are so needy. They are emotionally more like 5 yrs old. His son is rude also. I totally am disgusted with how him and his ex parent these kids My first time meeting his kids, I went over to his house. First, he had his girl go with him to meet me at the front entrance of this building. Then when I was there, his kids were jumping all over him. Then when I left (didn't have a second alone with him all night) I asked him to just walk me to the door and stand in the hallway with me. He invited his girl to come, so I could not kiss him. I told him later on that was not cool and he said "I need her to know she comes first" You cannot stand alone on the other side of the door and tell you girl you need 1 min alone. She didn't even want to come to the door, he invited her to walk with me to the door! OK WEIRD! He makes great money but lives in a one bedroom apartment. He shared a bed with his son for years. I left him at one point because he told me he had masturbated while his son would sleep. I was so sickened by this. He agreed it was sick and stopped! <--- I had to tell him this? He then got a two bedroom and his kids shared the extra room. Also and this is a BIG ONE for me, his parents live in his building. His Dad across the hall and his Mom upstairs. He's with his parents all the time. They eat almost every meal together (cept when he's here), shop together and are out all the time together. My b/f is 44 yrs old!???! I left him another time b/c when he was moving, I tried to help him look for a bigger place out of the building. He refused. Said he wanted to stay near his mommy and daddy! He will invite me for supper with him and his kids and when I get there, he will invite his Mom. I've told him I am not comfortable with that, but he will do it anyway. Says "My mom is my mom and too bad if you don't like it" I left him for 2 months last yr. He seemed cool with it. He got drunk every night and went out and slept with some other girl. Yes we were broken up, but the weekend he spent with this other girl. I txt him saying I missed him and he replied "Miss and love you too" We got back together, then broke up and so on. Then this past summer, I had enough., I went to get some therapy after one of his druken nights where we were out and I met an old friend. He asked me who this guy was and I told him a guy I dated 8 yrs ago. He then replies "Man, you will F just about anything won't ya! That was it. I was done! I left again, thennnnnnnnnnn 2 weeks later he told me he's in AA and wants to do better. I believed him. He came over and opened up and talked about all the cr*p on is life he wants to change and everything I said was true! Then he went to AA every single night and totally neglected me for 2 months. He was all of a sudden better than me and was rejecting me! I realized, along with my therapist, that he lacks empathy. I've been really sick the last yr with a serious illness and instead of helping me, he plays head games. Of course he denies any wrongdoing. He feels he's perfect. We fight all the time. I do not love him and he actually make me sick. I am a codependent, I do have a fear of being alone and I've been so hurt by my last two ex's, I hate the thought of breaking up. I'm in therapy for this so no I won't go to coda. Why oh why do I stay if I can't stand this guy?
BikerBeagle Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Yowza, that's gotta be the worst train wreck I've seen in quite a while ...I just couldn't stop looking! I guess, all I can say is, you got away from him once ...twice ...maybe the third time is a charm?
Author RedDevil66 Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Yowza, that's gotta be the worst train wreck I've seen in quite a while ...I just couldn't stop looking! I guess, all I can say is, you got away from him once ...twice ...maybe the third time is a charm? haha...I think many r/s have an element of "train wreck", I was just really expessive about it...haha! At least I'm not alone in knowing this is a wreck!
Trialbyfire Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 There appears to be a lack of empathy on both sides. Instead of being angry at him for trying to break his addiction, perhaps going to al-anon to understand and handle this, you're only thinking about yourself and how he neglected you. Hopefully your therapist can help you gain sufficient strength to get out of this relationship. Good luck.
Author RedDevil66 Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 There appears to be a lack of empathy on both sides. Instead of being angry at him for trying to break his addiction, perhaps going to al-anon to understand and handle this, you're only thinking about yourself and how he neglected you. Hopefully your therapist can help you gain sufficient strength to get out of this relationship. Good luck. I'm suffering from a very serious illness and between dr's appoint's, throwing up. passing out and therapy, I don't have the time or energy to help a person who cannot even come over when I was throwing up for days. Excuse me if I'm preoccupied! And I have a ton of empathy. But I won't go into all the charities I do work for..ugh! And thanks for the judgement!
Author RedDevil66 Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 I did it! I left! I've been in bed for 2 days with serious health issues and he's been too busy trying to be mean I msg'ed his sister to thank her for an invite somewhere and our convo got to my issues with her bro and you know what she did, she forwarded him my emails. You cannot get any crazier than that! I just told him I was done. He didn't seem too worried Now I need to stick with it
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