torranceshipman Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Hi guys, So I met a guy a week ago and we hit it off instantly-he seems very interested, compliments me, keeps in touch well etc - amazing chemistry - we've been on 3 dates so far and the last one was particularly awesome - anyway, he said on the last date that he had to be honest with me, that he'd just come out of 7yrs of committed R's (5yrs, then a split, then almost straight into a 2yr R) - he had decided to take some time to be single after so long with a partner and try to avoid jumping into something head first which he is prone to do...but then he met me, pretty much straight away, and says he is very interested in me, would love to keep dating and see where it goes, but because of meeting me it throws his plans into disarray a bit, and so he's a bit confused, and asked if we could take it slow...I did tell him that if this was man speak for 'only looking for a fling' then I wasnt interested, but he said that wasnt the case at all and that I'd misunderstood him. I did get a bit funny with him as I wasnt 100% sure what he was trying to say, and he looked upset and asked if he'd blown it, but then I also ended up saying I felt a bit bad for jumping to conclusions that he was being flaky when in fact he may well have been doing a good thing and being honest. I thought that this talk wasnt really needed after date 3-earlydays!-taking it slow is probably quite sensible anyway - but then again he seemed to be really trying to be honest and respectful and we seem quite into eachother, so maybe he thought it was warranted. So my question is, is this a big red flag or should I just take things slow and take him at his word? Any guys (or girls) out there been in this situation where you've decided on single time then met a great potential partner and how did you handle it?
technicolor Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Sounds like he's just being honest. I'm in the same situation myself so maybe I can kind of relate to where he's coming from. If you think you can be patient, then be patient! Take it slow. I'm sure things will pick up eventually.
Author torranceshipman Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Thanks Technicolor-thats interesting to hear...so you're the one that just come out of a long term R and have met someone new? Can you give me a bit more insight into your situation? I don't know whether this comes from a place of wanting to date more girls before settling down again, or maybe just acknowledging the heaviness of being in a committed R and wanting to avoid that for a bit...?
broken_promises Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I think it sounds like he sort of promised himself time between relationships to figure himself out. Then, after meeting you, he is feeling like he may be repeating a pattern of serious relationships that he was trying to break. I don't think he is just looking for a fling here. I don't even think he is looking to date around and see what is out there. It almost sounds like a reaction to two serious relationships that ended. I did the same thing after I went from one 6 year relationship to another 4 year one. After the second breakup, I really vowed that I wouldn't date for a year. I knew that I would be tempted to dive right into another relationship to fill the void left by the last one. When I finally did start dating seriously, I told the guy I am with now that I wanted to go very slow and resisted any talk of serious commitment. I wouldn't say this is a red flag for the dating relationship necessarily... although, it may be a red flag if he is struggling with this same pattern again or if he is using a new relationship to minimize the hurt from the past or to not deal with what went wrong in those relationships.
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