The hardest break up ever/ feeling like dying

[ThomasX]

Hey emmanuel, glad to hear you're doing the right thing bro, it really shows your strength man you're an inspiration.

 

Who's Alex though? Lol

 

And if you need meds, then take them. They can help you through the tough time now-- and when you're ready to withdraw from them, you'll be able to. You wouldn't be prescribed them if they're dangerous.

 

But keep ya head up man you've made the effort to get better dude, and you're headin in the right direction now. The light at the end of the tunnel will be appearing soon dude. Just don't forget me if you get famous before me hahaha

[emmanuel]

I meant Thomas..not Alex...god I am ****ed up...dude I am already famous..google me..Emmanuel Fremin:p

Kidding apart, you are my inpiration now, keep posting, dont stop now....I am reading you....

[pushforward]

Okay, I'll post it for everybody to see.

 

I won't just stop at my break up. I'll go on about my life.

 

I'll keep it brief and concise.

 

As a kid I was always the loner. Emotionally shut off from the rest of the world and pretty much raising myself. Family is full of substance abusers and gambaholics.

 

I was raised around drugs, gambling, money laundering, abuse, etc. I was picked on at school for being the only Asian kid. For being different basically. I was super short for my age. I was born 3 months premature.

 

My dad died over drugs, murdered, when I was at the tender age of 4. I live with my Dad's parents. My mom abandoned me after 9 months. Never heard from her. She did not get a ****.

 

Basically, I grew up very depressed and sought refuge in video games. The only thing that would take me out of my life. I grew up and knew I was unhappy with life. I grew up not knowing who I was or where I come from. No guidance what so ever. Nobody to rely on or to help me.

 

I couldn't talk to anybody about my feelings or I would be seen as weak. Fast forward. I move from a small town to LA at 18. I live with my aunt. She parties and is a gold digger, not exactly a good influence. She loves me, but the way she talks and shows it is different. I get into mortgages. Make lots of money. Move out on my own and I get disowned by her. (We are now on good terms.) Lots of emotions running through me.

 

I basically spent my whole life building up this wall around my heart. I've been through so much pain and anguish. One example is being held at gun point with robbers pouring gasoline over me at the age of 12. I thought my life was over.

 

Eventually I get focused on my life and trying to pull myself out of my depression. I start reading about psychology and philosophy. I'm a smart person but could not go to school because I had too many life situations to deal with.

 

One day, a girl comes a long. We hit it off. We were instantly connected. (I'm a very picky person, I see where my aunt and uncles' relationships went to.) I figured I was smart and wouldn't get with anybody that isn't compatible with me. This is the first time where I met somebody who is completely honest and is true.

 

It was amazing, there are so many little details that I could go into about the relationship. But, trying to save you from over reading and not giving out too much information about myself.

 

We were together for 1.5 years. Nothing compared to your relationship. But, I there are certain things I can empathize with. I gave her my all. My love, my respect and always put her before me. She had 4 boyfriends before me. They all treated her like crap, her last ex before me cheated on her. She lost her trust in men. I gave her hope. At least I thought I did.

 

So her ex started a vicious cycle with her. What does she do? Throws it upon me. First it went from a break, to a break up. From I wanting to be alone to I'm dating other guys. She dated a guy that she knew before the break up. I never even heard of the guy. She was not completely honest with me. I waited 2 months for this girl. I gave her space and really believed that's what she needed.

 

I looked at her myspace one day. See a picture with her wrapped around another guy's arm and I died that day. I never felt so hurt and alone. To be lied to. After what I did for her. Breakfast in bed. Always checking up on her. Showing my affection. Whenever she ran out of something, I went to go buy it without asking. When she mentioned something was hurting. I would do my best to take her pain away.

 

She had moments where she would break down and cry. I never knew why. All I did was hold her and tell her it's going to be okay.

 

Eventually, I find out she is hanging out with her ex's best friend. Her ex is now single and I'm sure she is trying to reconnect. I trusted this girl. She knows almost everything about my past and what I've been through. What I've told you is not even 1% of what I've been through.

 

I really did trust and rely on her. I got burned. I am completely devastated to this day. To have somebody use me. Throw me away. And be lied to face to face. When she left and when I found out the truth about her dumping me for another guy and her trying to get back with her ex. I felt like my Dad died all over again. I wanted to throw away my life. I would sit in the shower crying. Scratching myself because I hated myself. I contemplated suicide for a good while.

 

She got the best of me and I knew it. What changed? I remember who I really was. What I offer as a person and my good qualities. I stopped blaming myself for everything. What if this, what if that. I did my damn best to be a great boyfriend; and I was. Nobody will ever top me. Why? Because when I love, I give it my all.

 

Not only was the break up bad. I found my Mom through a private investigator. No phone number. I sent her a hand written letter. She sent it back saying that, that part of her life (me) is in the past and not to ever contact her again.

 

I got rejected twice. I don't know who I am or what I will become. I will not let anybody get the best of me. I dictate who I am and who I love.

 

Statistically, I am supposed to be insane, a substance abuser, a gambler, a low life, a person who lives off drama, or dead.

 

I beat the statistics because I am strong.

 

If I can make it through this, YOU CAN MAKE IT.

 

I still have plenty of more stories. Know that there are people who have it much worse than you. They survive and so will you.

 

Stop looking at the negative qualities about yourself and start looking at the good. I want you to realize that you are special. That you aren't trash, that you didn't do anything wrong, that you deserve love.

 

I went through that phase, I made it. You better make it or you're not giving poor bastards like me hope.

 

SUICIDE is never the answer. You never know what life has in store for you.

 

I want you to make a list of every positive thing about you. From what your talents are to what qualities you admire about yourself.

 

DROP THE NEGATIVITY. My story gets worse. But you know what? I am going to make it. If I was meant to die, God would have taken my life already. I got much bigger things in life I want to do and see. One person was my world, I got lost in love and I am slowly finding myself again.

 

They say that you will find somebody one day that you can share your life with. You know what, I found him and that's me. I'm never letting myself go ever again. I hit rock bottom. I'm crawling my way out. But, I'm going to EFFING MAKE IT.

 

EFF THE SADNESS, EFF THE BS. I want to live a full life. She don't want my love? OH WELL! She's not going to find anything better out there. I gave myself completely, I got no regrets. Remember, time is on your side.

 

You got done dirty, if your ex isn't mentally crazy, then she will one day wake up and want to speak to you. You want revenge? Silence. That's the worst! Not even acknowledging her. Not giving her closure. That's the bitter route.

 

I suggest you work on self improvement and get your life on track man.

 

I'm single. I'm going to be 21. I have no friends in this town. I am going to spend my birthday ALONE.

 

But, I'm quite content with life. I get to feel what I feel at a drop of a dime. Nobody can take this away from me.

 

I'm the kid smile while walking through hell. Care to join me on this trip? I promise it will suck and not be anything you expect it to be. You will also be handsomely rewarded at the end.

 

TO ARMS! God, I feel like going back to the gym again. Writing all of this got me PUMPED.

 

COME ON, YOU'RE A MODEL, YOU GOT GOOD LOOKS, YOU GOT A HEART OF GOLD. YOU LOVE LIKE NO OTHER. YOU ARE SELFLESS, YOU DESERVE BETTER, YOU ARE WORTH MORE BUT CAN'T SEE IT.

 

Dude, you're taking life advice from a 20 year old kid. See how funny life can be? I'm sure in a few years from now, you will be laughing at how silly you are. Considering throwing your life away for her? Jeez man.

 

You don't have to believe in yourself, you just never have to give up on yourself.

[ThomasX]

I meant Thomas..not Alex...god I am ****ed up...dude I am already famous..google me..Emmanuel Fremin:p

Kidding apart, you are my inpiration now, keep posting, dont stop now....I am reading you....

 

holy damn dude you are pretty famous. what a small world. i never thought id be helping out someone in your position dude. i feel honored big time man. glad you are listening to me, seriously. its a very cool feeling. im glad to be helping you dude lol

[pushforward]

God, I swear with this much comradery going around. When you two are famous, I better be around to mooch and be part of the entourage!

 

Hmm.. Okay when Thomas is famous, Emmanuel already has that set. To Emannuel's place in NY and to have a night on the town!

 

When I'm 21 in 2 weeks, because it's not cool if you guys can go into clubs or bars and I got to sit outside like a scrub because I'm the baby of the group.

 

[ThomasX]

God, I swear with this much comradery going around. When you two are famous, I better be around to mooch and be part of the entourage!

 

Hmm.. Okay when Thomas is famous, Emmanuel already has that set. To Emannuel's place in NY and to have a night on the town!

 

When I'm 21 in 2 weeks, because it's not cool if you guys can go into clubs or bars and I got to sit outside like a scrub because I'm the baby of the group.

 

 

 

ahaha dont worry my firend, i got you covered. i already have a list of the nice people on this site who went out of their way to help a stranger. best believe i'll remember them first as soon as i hit hollywood. thats a promise. i cant wait to give back to the kind people on this site. so much hatred going around the world and internet; finding such kindness towards strangers is something so refreshing that id compare it only to the fountain of youth

 

we'll all go to the clubs though soon pushforward, no worries friend

[pushforward]

EMMANUEL YOU BETTER BE READING.

 

PICK YOURSELF UP!

 

She's one girl. She messed up. Not YOU.

 

See your self worth!

 

If strangers can see it. And we are literally completely strangers. Imagine how shocked this girl will be, who thought she knew you. See you strong. See you moving on. See you not devastated?

 

I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Seriously, that last post made me feel better. START WRITING EVERY THING POSITIVE ABOUT YOU.

 

I swear you will feel better.

 

I know you're still there. I promise this will bring a smile to your face.

 

http://www.dcbenny.com/WEB%20VIDEOS/Unagi.mov

 

http://www.dcbenny.com/WEB%20VIDEOS/Biscuits.mov

 

CHEER UP MOFO!

[sunbeauty71]

Awwww big hugs to you sweetheart, I wish I could take away your pain. I know first hand the excrutiating pain you are in....this breakup Im having now is very painful and Im left with a baby!!! But my first love over 16yrs ago I remember thinking I was going to die from it.

Life is bloody cruel and I sit here in astonishment the lovely commited men that are being left while there are women out there in droves wishing with all their heats they could find this. Why do we give ourselves to ones that can leave so easily like it meant nothing.

The thing is Emmanuel be proud of yourself, you gave yourself to another person fully and unconditionally for a long long time, so you know how many people out there in the world do not have this ability to love with all their hearts through thick and thin...it is a curse and a blessing.

I have been on both sides of the fence and in my mid twenties left a beautiful man whom could not do enough for me because I had shut my heart down from the previous man who broke my heart...what Im trying to say is Ive been left twice and left once but the one I know will always haunt me is the one I left, for some reason the ones we leave when we know they loved us dearly are the ones we reflect on with regret especially if we dont find that again.

I dont know why your girl has done this, who knows what goes on inside someone you could go crazy trying to work it out, but she may live to regret it when other things dont work out for her and by then youll be moved on.

Feel all the pain let yourself roll in it, cry cry cry all you can, grieve to the fullest, take the anger out with sport of some sort...and when it time pick yourself up and start fresh. You do not know what is around the corner, who is to say a year, two years from now you are not in a even better relationship and girly wirly could be begging for you to take her back and you wont even consider it because your so happy with someone who deserves you....you just never know!!!!

[emmanuel]

Sunbeauty, your bf left you with a baby???????

How anyone can do that?, I am very much in pain and trying to go through it thanks to this board and people like Thomas who give me the force to see another day.

But when kids are in the balance, damned thats must be hard, I am with you with all my heart.

Don't give up, my cat is my sunshine right now, you will find someone who deserve you.

Keep on the faith.

Big kisses.

[ThomasX]

Sunbeauty, your bf left you with a baby???????

How anyone can do that?, I am very much in pain and trying to go through it thanks to this board and people like Thomas who give me the force to see another day.

But when kids are in the balance, damned thats must be hard, I am with you with all my heart.

Don't give up, my cat is my sunshine right now, you will find someone who deserve you.

Keep on the faith.

Big kisses.

 

 

Hello my friend, I'm extremely pleased to see that you may be seeing things a little bit more positively. You've already taken on the hardest step dude you are ON the track now to happiness. Hell yeah dude I would give you a high five if I saw you in real life. Helping you has been very rewarding man. And I'll continue to do it as long as you need it, even if it takes the rest of your life! (Although it WONT. I estimate you'll be in tip top shape in about 6 months. Yeah that seems long, but when its all said and done, you will be so happy and so much stronger. You'll be extremely pleased at how far you've come and grown-- and YES, you will actually be happy you went through all this! Hard to believe now. Hell yah its hard to believe now. But you will believe it when you see your new strength).

 

You are getting better man I can sense it. It's a long process, and it can't be rushed though-- its gunna take a long time. But i can see you are at least on the right track now. It's great to see, honestly. I'm very happy.

 

As for you, sun... i cant even begin to describe how messed up it is that you were left with a baby. i agree with emmanuel that thats inexcusable.

[emmanuel]

I have pass 2 weeks with NC, I am still crying when I woke up in the morning, still have a knot in my stomach which makes me eat well less than usual, but I feel proud, I have keep my dignity towards this painful breakup.

God its tough, emotions swing back to me like a roller coaster.

LS is a good therapy, thanks for your help everyone.

[Ariadne]

there it is

 

http://www.modelmayhem.com/520417

 

OMGOMGOMGOGMGOMGOMGO!!!

 

Wow, I wonder what that girl must have looked like to dump a guy like you.

 

That totally sucked.

 

But at least you had some good 8 years. That's more that you can say for most people.

[emmanuel]

Thanks Ariandne,

She was amazingly beautiful, I was proud to introduce her as my half, we were the perfect match, and lasting 8 years was what made us proud, seeing everybody around us breaking up and divorcing after 2, 3 or 10 years, and us still working it well, I considered our relation as a success story.......

But what can I do, thats her choice, she chose another path, I have to let her go.....

[Ariadne]

Thanks Ariandne,

She was amazingly beautiful, I was proud to introduce her as my half, we were the perfect match, and lasting 8 years was what made us proud, seeing everybody around us breaking up and divorcing after 2, 3 or 10 years, and us still working it well, I considered our relation as a success story.......

But what can I do, thats her choice, she chose another path, I have to let her go.....

 

Well, you never know.

 

If you had such a good relationship for so long, maybe she'll be up for a surprise with the new guy.

 

Maybe things won't work out.. It's very difficult to find compatible partners.

 

So she might still be back, but you shouldn't worry about that for now.

 

Now the situation is that your life has changed a bit, and you need to adapt to he new lifestyle. It probably won't be as bad as you think.

 

Hope you feel better soon. And you are gorgeous.

[Ariadne]

You have got to be kidding...

 

This guy is in the Target Christmas add in NY Times Square.

 

Way to go emmanuel!

[darnay]

Just hang in mister, it will get better. I'm some 3 months down the line and feeling much more positive than i ever thought i would be. I have been in that dark place you obviously are now and it hurts like hell. I contemplated doing something silly but then realised that life is too precious and nobody is worth wasting a life. You have so much to live for and so much to give.

 

Experience the pain, feel the hurt, sleep, relax, don't beat yourself up or blame yourself, and most importantly don't go back out there bruised and battered.

 

Life will get better - trust me it really does get better!

[Jessimay]

It has helped me to read everyones responses here...so much that I joined today! I know what it is like to wake up crying every morning. I am going through a breakup as well, dreaming of him and feeling that stabbing pain in my chest when I wake up and realize he is not there. NC is the best thing to do at the moment though, it is best for ones self esteem. (I am reminding myself this as I say it). also what helps me is to think about what the future holds, how it could be something really wonderful that I never expected, and I don't want to miss it.

[mandyp]

Hi Immanuel,

 

Break ups totally suck. I recently went through a bad one myself. Reading books on the subject can help. It helped me through mine. I read a really good one after my boyfriend dumped me. It's only short, but it's to the point and has some very helpful advice.

 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409214761

 

Might be worth checking out. Like I said, it helped me out a lot.

 

Good luck

[emmanuel]

Thanks Mandy, reading is always good therapy.

 

I do have an issue though, I have been going NC since the break up and she called me yesterday, I didnt pick up.

She left a message asking if Tuesday after work she could come over and take the rest of her clothes.

AARRARARRARGHHHHHH.......there is a few things that I have to talk to her about like our rent, the cat, and other issues.....

I dont want to be in the apartment when she come to pick up her stuff, will feel like break up again, I dont want to call her neither, but we have to discuss a few things......what should I do?

ITS GONNA KILL ME TO SEE HER AGAIN FACE TO FACE, I MAY LITERALLY COLLAPS.........any advices????

[Jennifer2]

Emmanuel

 

How tragic! I know you are hurting terribly right now!

People can tell you it's her loss and you will find someone better..

and that you are good looking so you won't have any problems

finding someone else. Right now i am sure that is meaningless

to you although they are trying to help. You are just so hurt.

 

Maybe she is with this guy for his money or maybe to get papers.

Who knows..you didn't deserve this.

After 8 years together she should have given you some sort of explanation.

 

If i were you i would try talking to the landlord and

explaining your situation.. Maybe he/she will let you

out of the lease. Moving would not only help you

financially, but you won't have the constant reminder

of her absence in the place you two shared. You say

you just moved from miami.. Do you have friends up

there in NY to talk to?

 

 

 

((((((((((Big hugs to you!))))))))))

[davidjor]

Emmanuel,

 

Bro, you can not force someone, or make someone be with you. I also, was dating for several years a foreign girl. She to was amazingly HOT. And I am still trying to get over her, what I am learning every day is life goes on, you can not depend on anyone else to make you happy. Look, your have accomplished allot in your life, and have a bright future ahead of you. Rely on your family and friends for support.

 

My recommendation would be for you to Box all her things up and once complete, set them out for her friend to come and get. Don't even try to talk to her, see her or e-mail her. It will make this painful process last way to long. I have been on my ex's roller coaster ride now for 9 months. I just recently got off her ride, and cut all contact. only been 2 weeks, but it works.

 

Be thankful for what you have, not what you dont have. Be thankful that thoughtless bitch is not in your life anymore, be thankful you did not invest one more second into this relationship with someone who does not deserve your love and attention.

 

Seems life foreign girls always think the grass is greener on the other side of then fence. Until they get there and relalize it is not. they they coming crawling back.

 

I guarantee she will, might not be today, tomorrow, next week or even next month but, I guarantee one day she will..

 

Keep your chin up, you deserve way better that this chick.

 

DJ

[replicator]

Hey Emmanuel..

 

I had something similar happen to me, and I was with her for 10 years. It's strange how a girl can just get up and leave suddenly and treat us as if we're some designer hand-bag to be upgraded.

 

It's a very painful experience, and it takes time and effort to get over it. It's been about seven months for me, but I'm still struggling. Luckily for me she is in Europe and hopefully won't be back for a long time. I don't know what I'd do if I saw her in person with the other guy. I really don't know what I would do......................................

 

Hang in there. You seem to have a lot going for you, so try to focus on the positives and keep busy with your life. You'll come out as a stronger person.. Too good for someone like this.

[Meet 4 Coffee]

The problem is you were with her for that long and you didn't marry her. What's up with that? She got tired of true commitment and realized it was never going to happen with you, so she moved on.

 

Anyway, she has had all this time to work on being legal. She sounds like kind of a loser if she can't even become a legal citizen in 14 years. You don't want a lazy, dumbass like that.

I'm surprised she was given the privilege of working as a dental assistant here. Don't you have to be legal for that?

[EmperorR]

Emmanuel,

 

Bro, you can not force someone, or make someone be with you. I also, was dating for several years a foreign girl. She to was amazingly HOT. And I am still trying to get over her, what I am learning every day is life goes on, you can not depend on anyone else to make you happy. Look, your have accomplished allot in your life, and have a bright future ahead of you. Rely on your family and friends for support.

 

My recommendation would be for you to Box all her things up and once complete, set them out for her friend to come and get. Don't even try to talk to her, see her or e-mail her. It will make this painful process last way to long. I have been on my ex's roller coaster ride now for 9 months. I just recently got off her ride, and cut all contact. only been 2 weeks, but it works.

 

Be thankful for what you have, not what you dont have. Be thankful that thoughtless bitch is not in your life anymore, be thankful you did not invest one more second into this relationship with someone who does not deserve your love and attention.

 

Seems life foreign girls always think the grass is greener on the other side of then fence. Until they get there and relalize it is not. they they coming crawling back.

 

I guarantee she will, might not be today, tomorrow, next week or even next month but, I guarantee one day she will..

 

Keep your chin up, you deserve way better that this chick.

 

DJ

 

my ex was a foreign girl to, unlike you and emmanuel she cheated on me when she went back home

 

I agree about the boxing up anything that reminds you of her put it out of plain site. And yes she probably will come back but by then you won't want her if you initiate no contact,a dn take off those rose colored my ex was perfect glasses

[emmanuel]

Thanks for your help and responses,

 

A few things I must clarified, she was on the way to become legal years ago but her attorney ****ed up the papers and the judge denied her right to stay and put a deportation order on her, many people are in that case, she then hired another attorney to get this fix but after 9/11, it got even more complicated.

So she works, pay tax but can't fly, it actually made me love her even more, because she stayed strong in face of this situation, she didnt see her dad for 14 years and he is getting sick...think about that.

 

So she is not a jerk, she just had this huge burden on her where I could travel 15 times a year around the world first class while she has to wait for me in NY.

 

I believe that my last trip which was 3 weeks in London and 2 weeks in Paris just made her sink, I also was away for her 34th birthday...and she told me it hurt her a lot..

 

So loneliness, plus the feeling to be trapped here must be the reason that she got confused and end up wanted to break up with me.

 

She left me a message today saying she was hurt also and she wanted to give me an explanation Tuesday before packing her stuff.

 

I will go for lunch with her, I know she is hurt and if she decided to go on with the other guy anyway, so be it, at least I will know why it happened and we will end it in a civil way.

 

I am all for NC, but if you can have a last clear talk with ur ex before separating, I believe you should do it, I want to hear her side of the story.