How many of you have met up with an ex after being apart for a couple of years?

[birdie]

The scenario is: you dated someone you liked, it was mutual and you more or less only break up because one of you moved to another country. You kept in touch, had light contact through email and text for a couple of years and as soon as you ended up in the same country, you decided to meet up and see if second chances are possible.

 

Has anything similar ever happened to you? what was the outcome? has your ex changed a lot in a couple of years?

[lofi_tokyo]

My ex ex and I started talking again after my ex (then boyfriend) and I had been dating for a year and a half. The fact I was seeing someone gave us space to talk openly without fear of one of us wanting the other back. Now that I'm single again, we still hang out and talk, I am sure if we perused it we could end up dating, but right now I don't see the point.

 

Also, there are a TON of Psychology journals out there with articles that discuss first loves that get back together after years and years of not seeing eachother and not really talking. It actually seems pretty common, believe it or not! I think in a lot of situations where two people were separated at a young age (lets say 24 or lower) because of situational reasons (going off to college, long distance, parents not liking the bf/gf) there is a lot of unresolved emotions that people sometimes chase after... and people get back together. Kind of interesting that theres actually research going on in regards to this!

[axisdenied]

The scenario is: you dated someone you liked, it was mutual and you more or less only break up because one of you moved to another country. You kept in touch, had light contact through email and text for a couple of years and as soon as you ended up in the same country, you decided to meet up and see if second chances are possible.

 

Has anything similar ever happened to you? what was the outcome? has your ex changed a lot in a couple of years?

 

Your scenario is pretty specific. I've had an experience that runs parallel but may not be what you're looking for:

 

Met up with the ex after five years NC. Before that we were in an intense live-in relationship that ended bitterly. We both moved away from the area, didn't communicate at all and I was pretty sure that was that until she emailed one day out of the blue. We stayed in touch for five months and physically met on my way to my summer internship (which took me through her town).

 

In the two days we spent together, there were a few nostalgic moments where feelings were re-ignited. That led to us sleeping together. But we'd both changed a lot and while we had an immense amount of respect for one another, there just wasn't any way the relationship could be revisited. It wasn't feasible because while we both knew that the other person's core traits were still intact we just weren't the same people that fell in love the first time anymore. That in itself doesn't matter so much, but here's what does: we weren't able to fall in love a second time either.

 

So to answer your question, yes, we BOTH changed a lot.

 

However, I don't know the extent to which you dated this person and how well you got to know one another, so maybe what I'm relating is in no way applicable. If you're still interested, you should at least revisit it to find out if it's a worthy pursuit for you. Your respective feelings have probably both changed because emotions aren't static entities that endure for years without positive reinforcement (at least in healthy people). What counts now is your interest. Take it from ground zero and do it right.

[birdie]

thanks for the posts guys, very helpful. you are right axisdenied, my scenario looks quite specific. what I tried to convey was that there was a relatively benign reason for the break up. although of course there is always some animosity and it was hard.

 

I almost have no choice but to revisit since I will be in his home town for a couple of weeks and we have already confirmed that we want to meet up for a drink and catch up. I am not stressing about whether he wants to get back together because I don't know whether I do. it is just a little bit of a strange situation to be in but that's not a bad thing.

 

you are right about ground zero and I am excited to see how he is now even just because I'm curious. hopefully that's the right attitude to have. hope we will both walk away feeling the same - whatever that might be.

[stoneymirror]

I went through this exact thing about two years ago. Met up with my high school gf that I had dated for almost 3 yrs when I was younger.

 

We hit things off right away, everything seemed fine, but eventually like only 4 weeks into it I realized I had moved on long ago and wasn't really interested in this sort of person anymore. She pushed and pushed me into moving in together and getting married almost immediately and that made me want to run. So I ended things cause it just didn't feel right and the excitement died out quickly. Good luck and don't expect anything really serious to come of this. I'd make that clear to your partner/friend right away.

[lofi_tokyo]

I went through this exact thing about two years ago. Met up with my high school gf that I had dated for almost 3 yrs when I was younger.

 

We hit things off right away, everything seemed fine, but eventually like only 4 weeks into it I realized I had moved on long ago and wasn't really interested in this sort of person anymore. She pushed and pushed me into moving in together and getting married almost immediately and that made me want to run. So I ended things cause it just didn't feel right and the excitement died out quickly. Good luck and don't expect anything really serious to come of this. I'd make that clear to your partner/friend right away.

 

Out of curiosity, did you dump her, or did she dump you? Or was it mutual?

[openbook08]

my friend was with a guy for 4years, around early 20's. you know first love.... but he ended it seemingly out of the blue, lots of hurt & broke her heart. Fast forward 5years, hadnt been in contact, they meet up again as circumstances have brought them to their hometown...catch up...and well now theyre together another few years and very happy. aww

or puke depending on what kinda humour youre in!!

[lofi_tokyo]

[quote=openbook08;1929393very happy. aww

or puke depending on what kinda humour youre in!!

 

That made me smile. Lol. Happy or Puke. Good point! Good for them, but puke if it happens to me!

[stoneymirror]

Out of curiosity, did you dump her, or did she dump you? Or was it mutual?

 

I dumped her...

[lofi_tokyo]

I dumped her...

 

Ohh okay. I was just curious. From your original post it sounded like that - you kind of grew out of her prior to the break up, and long distance caused the big split, but yeah.

I guess all break ups happen for a reason.

[DealingWDrama]

Simply answering the question from the original post...yes I have had this happen...we broke up (no one moved to another country persay) ... we were both engaged to other people ... we got back together...got married ... have 2 kids....problems in the road but are on our way to happily ever after.

[openbook08]

aww dealingwithdrama

good for you! and hope the happily ever after goes well for you!

i love these stories!